Questions from a First-Time Mother

Linkat, thanks for stopping by and writing in.

You're absolutely right, that's exactly what M's doc said. That we'd all be going through this anyway in the pre-school/kindergarten days, and that the silver lining could be just getting all that done and out of the way sooner. (I hope!)

There's a lot going down-hill. I wonder what will happen after I have my second kid!

If our experience is any guide, I'd expect this winter to continue to be thorny (sorry!) and then things will get much better by early spring, and then next winter will be much much better overall.

It's true, we didn't do daycare and sozlet had playdates and some classes but not any ongoing contact with a large group of kids. Then we moved and she started preschool at age 3 1/2, and whammo! (I've said before that I think moving, as a factor in and of itself, doesn't help at all for many reasons.)

Hang in there...!

What do you do for suspected tummy-aches?

M woke up about 1 1/2 hours back - ~ midnight, crying hard. I tried to latch her on - refused. It just made her angry. So I put her against my shoulder and rocked and walked her. She kept crying hard for the next 3-4 minutes. Doesn't sound like much now, but seemed interminable then. Had she continued to do that for another 2 minutes I'd have called the doctor. But she quietened down. And I continued to walk her for another 1/2 hour till she fell asleep on my shoulder. In between, she seemed to start crying again, not as loudly as before, but still hard enough.

I'm pretty sure she had a tummy-ache. Once, in the first crying jag, she kicked in her toes against my belly and passed gas. And a second time in the middle of the next almost-crying jag. She's always been a gassy baby, though, so I may be off the mark.

Of all things, I find dealing with suspected tummy-aches the hardest. I never know for sure that she has one... Does anyone have any suggestions?

As I rocked and walked her, I massaged the lower part of her back in a counter-clockwise direction, the way I told in a baby-massage class. They also said that massaging the edges of the baby's soles would directly release any gas in her tummy. Don't know how much stock to put in that, but I sure did try it. Whatever. The pain, if it was indeed in her tummy - or wherever - subsided and she's sleeping peacefully again. So far.

Tummy-aches scare me. Don't know what to do with them. Ideas?

Gas can be pretty painful. I'm not sure what you can do about though, other than watch her diet to see what sets her off. It could also be teething pain.

What I learned was the "I love you" rub, which is actually clockwise. Start by making an "I" (just a line) from the bottom right of her tummy (near the leg) to just under her bellybutton (but to the right of it). Then go back to the same starting place, repeat the motion, but this time add another section ("L"), moving in a straight line right under the bellybutton to the left side. Then go back to the starting point, repeat both motions you made, but then add a third section (making a "U" in total), going back down the left side in a straight line to the lower left side of her tummy (near the leg).

That seemed to offer relief.

The unexplained crying jags happened sometimes, though. One time it seemed to be because we passed the bathroom and she saw the finial on the bathtowel rod and she just HAD to take a closer look. At least, she calmed right down when I brought her there (after agonizing minutes of trying to figure out what was going on). Who knows. Especially when they're tired (sozlet's always been way more sensitive then).

This is where communication really comes in handy. "Hurt" was one of the first signs sozlet was using, by M's age. The sign can be done anywhere the hurt is happening -- there aren't separate signs for "my head aches" or "my tummy hurts" or "I hurt my finger," per se, you just localize the sign.

I still haven't found a way to copy and paste this, or even get an url for it, so will have to give you roundabout directions to the sign:

Go here:

http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm

Then click on the letter "h" at the bottom of the screen. Then scroll down until you see "headache," first -- click on that. (It gives an example of how to localize.) Then keep scrolling until you see "hurt." That's the general sign, you put it wherever something hurts, kind of on either side of the painful bodypart.

It was sooooo helpful, as sometimes I had no idea where sozlet hurt, and also just having the ability to rule that out. ("Noooooo, hungry!!!" or whatever.)

Freeduck - yes, she is teething too. She cut her first molar ~two weeks ago. And I think, within the next couple, she'll cut at least two more, maybe even three. She didn't stick her fingers in her mouth last night though, the way she usually does when her gums are bugging her. (It's frustrating to not know what the problem really is.)

Sozobe - that segues into your signing suggestion. It's a good idea. I've been trying to teach M 'owie' for any/everything that could cause her an injury, hurt her. So she goes to the power point where the AC unit is plugged in, touches it and says 'ow.' Or she'll pick up a pen that I've forgotten to hide and say 'ow.' I guess that doesn't come very handy though, when she's really hurting. I'm going to try to reinforce all the 'owies' with a sign. And also, for example, the next time she wraps my hair around her fist and tugs at it, I'll use the sign, appropriately positioned, as well.

Yes, I learned the 'I love you' massage motion as well - used it for a long while last night after she'd fallen back asleep. Yes, it works.

Thanks, as always, for both your responses and suggestions!

Diarrhea Cha-cha-cha!

There's a Rotavirus outbreak in M's daycare. They notified all parents mid-last week. Saturday, M had three BM's (no, not bookmarks), and they went from hard to very soft. On Sunday AM, it was liquid. Which is when I took her to the doctor. Per the doctor, Rota is comes on suddenly. It's generally about 8, very, very liquid BM's a day. Accompanied, generally, by vomiting & stomach cramps. So, M may or may not have Rota. Wrapped up visit with 'call us if she has more than 5."

Well, yesterday, she had five. And barely ate anything. Thank God for mommy-juice - she wanted that often. (Though I'm not sure how much milk she got from me.) Seemed to keep her okay though. She was cheerful for the most part, albeit a little cranky at times.

So today, she's at daycare. Eating/drinking more than she did yesterday. She's had some crackers, ate all her lunch (rice with potatoes & tofu), and has had 1 1/2 cups of very, very diluted apple juice (it's the only kind she'll have). The daycare just called to let me know that she just had a 'through-her-clothes' loose BM (sounds like the kind she had 5 times yesterday), but that they were calling me only b/c I had asked them to let me know. Apart from that, she was doing well, ate all her lunch etc. etc. etc.

So. One BM today, after 5 yesterday is an improvement, is it not? Though it's still as loose as before. So maybe not such a big improvement. IDK.

I've been trying to keep her on the BRAT diet when possible. Even though her doctor said it wasn't necessary to restrict her diet unless she went over the 5 BM count.

I hate diarrhea. Hate when she doesn't eat - my poor baby.

I guess I'm waiting for the full onslaught of the Rota.... Any tips, moms?

Oh, should mention - she cut another molar yesterday!

It actually sounds to me like whatever it is is getting better. If she's eating and drinking and happy, I'd just stay close with a change of clothes.

Thanks, Freeduck, she is getting better. Not completely yet, but better.

My sunshine-y M seems to have hit the terrible 2s four months early. Hellooo tantrums!! I know it's because she's frustrated at not being understood *immediately* as she asks for something. She's showing off several - Several - new words; but obviously, isn't quite 'talking' as yet. So here's what happens:

M: "Agubaba banna babuishusha"
Me: "What does baby want? Ball? (pointing)"
M: "Agubaba banna buishui" (wailing a little)
Me: "Oh. Baby wants banana?"
M: "Banna (sob sob - throwing herself down, curling up and more sob sob)"
Me: (quickly fetching banana) "Here's the banana, baby. Baby eat banana. Here's darling. It's ok, here's your banana. Mommy's sorry. I couldn't understand."

Darling continues to wail, face buried in the carpet. I hand the banana to her, she promptly throws it away. So I place the banana next to her, and walk a little away - but remain close enough for her know that I haven't left her. Usually, she continues for another 30 seconds, then she picks up the banana - and the sun is shining again. Sometimes, though, she keeps wailing, and I have to pick her up - as she arches her back and cries at the ceiling - calm her down, play with her and then she'll accept her banana.

Can anyone tell me how to deal with this better? I don't want M to get so frustrated that she drums the floor with her fists - am afraid it's going to be make her a frustrated, angry adult as well. Will it?

Probably not -- it's a really common phase.

I know I've said this before but signing helped SO much for this phase. I think I've said this before too but one thing that surprised me is that it wasn't always that she wanted something. For example, she'd sign "banana" and I'd assume that she wanted one, she'd get mad, and sign "no no banana yellow." I'd wait... She'd repeat "banana yellow!" I'd agree that yes, the banana is yellow. Happy sozlet.

She often just wanted to communicate ABOUT stuff, observations.

I just remember naps being extremely important at this age, and that the amount of tantrums increased at or around nap time. I don't think that helps you much.

On the other hand, I have a nephew who is just turning two who is not very verbal and does get angry at not being understood. His parents taught him a few signs for his most frequent requests and the tantrums have decreased significantly.

Hang in there and keep calm -- sometimes your calmness can give her the cue she is looking for.

I'm not a mum. Just so you know. But I have read this entire thread with interest.

Heatwave, you come across as such a doting loving mum.

Sometimes it's helpful to just sit back and let a kid do their thing. I have found this to be true with kids and with people I have worked with (special needs amongst other things).

If you are distressed at the thought of baby flying into a tantrum, she'll pick up on that. ...and run with it. The easiest way I can describe it is 'vibes'.

You're the Big Person and she looks to you for direction in how to deal with frustration.

I personally think it is okay if not every single thing baby says is understood. It will come. You'll figure it out.
And she will learn how to stay calm in the process - somehow.

Just remind yourself that if she does throw huge tantrums (isn't this very common for young children? part of growing up?) - she will survive.
She really will be ok.

I get how it is easy to say that but another thing to watch someone go through frustration and fist pounding ...or how about the later holding-the-breath trick? lol.

But she can't hurt herself with you there. You are in control.

Honestly, I strongly believe that those who grow to be angry frustrated adults are not only those who are not listened to - but ones who pick up on the totally non-vocal communication that says "freak out! oh this is a big deal that you are feeling frustrated! oh this is horrible!".

A calm, reassuring simple presence is so underrated I think!

good luck and thanks for sharing all this stuff. It's really cool to read the day to day learning that a new mom goes through.

Great post, thanks, flushd. I know, I know - must chill a little and you've put it very kindly.
I'm actually a lot calmer than what I come across as online (I'm reasonably confident). I vent out my worst fears here on A2K because I know I'll get sane, non-judge-y advice. I think part of my 'problem' lies in the fact that I am 'middle-aged' (I guess 34 qualifies as that) mom. Having waited so long, I want to make sure I do all the right things with/ for my kid. Of course, I'm quickly learning that there is no 'right' way. Also finding that as M is growing, becoming more verbal - I worry a little less and just enjoy her more.
Do want to add that I read your posts elsewhere on A2K with great interest, flushd, and enjoy them.

Having just said ^^.....

Did you all know that excessive exposure of kids to bubblebaths can lead to urinary tract infections and/ or skin rashes? I was planning on giving M her very first bubble bath tonight, and just picked up a bottle this afternoon. Just now, on reading the label I came across this warning. *Sigh!*

I'm still putting her in that tub tonight, in a bubble bath. I'll just make it a weekend special (after tonight), and let her play in it only for 15-20 minutes.

Anyone raising bi-lingual children? I'm trying and am hopeful that M will be somewhat fluent in Hindi as well, and would love to get advice, share experiences. Currently (at 21-mos), she has a vocabulary of ~100 words - a mix of Hindi & English. Though, every day she surprises me with one more word - it's amazing.

Yesterday morning, she touched my hair and said "pretty." A couple days before that, she pointed at all the kids in her class at daycare and said their names. I had NO idea she could say them! I was floored! It's amazing. I feel like she's in the middle of a huge language development spurt. Loving it!

That's so cool!

Sozlet is kinda-sorta bi-lingual (ASL + English); not really though. She knows a lot of ASL but it lags way way behind her English skills.

I know one couple who was raising their child to be bilingual. The dad would only speak Spanish to the boy and the mom would speak English. Not sure the longer term results as they moved away about a year ago.

Yeah, I get what you're saying, Sozobe. I'm sure Sozlet's ASL will get more & more advanced as she grows, because that's exclusively how you talk to her? I had really considered learning/teaching basic signing with M when she was born, but gave up the idea thinking I had my hands full with the Hindi thing as well. The other thing is - the words you 'say' in ASL are still in English, right? So you're reinforcing English. I wanted to exclusively do Hindi with her. I guess we'll see how it goes.

My cousin/SIL (have talked about her in a different thread), knew some Hindi as a child of 2 1/2 - 3 yrs. when she was adopted & brought to the US. She started speaking English exclusively within a few months of being here (day care & whatnot). When her little brother came along, she went back to some Hindi. But it was when she hit her early teens, and really got into Hindi films that her Hindi really took off. It's pretty decent now. Although, given how exaggerated/dramatic the mainstream bollywood fare is - she says very mundane things in grandiose terms. (I'm so exhausted - when all she means is: I'm tired.)

Linkat, B (hubby) & I try both try to talk to M in Hindi, though I'm much more consistent. He's more likely to talk to her in Hinglish (mix of both languages) - which I consciously avoid doing when I talk to her.

What sucks is that I can't find good Hindi baby books. (Good business idea here for expat Indians.) There aren't any. People in India don't need them, and nobody caters to the expat market. I've planned, though, as she grows older, to bring Hindi course books from my school's curriculum and teach her at home. I really want her to be able to speak as well as read (if not write) Hindi.