How do I get this guy out of my head??

He's not good for you, but you still like him, right?

Do I recall that this guy is a co-worker? If so, it would make it harder to move on if you see him at work. You might just have to be bold and ask him to stop contacting you. As far as gettting him out of your head, start looking for things that you don't like about him. Start with the fact that he cheated on his wife and add to the list from there. What else can you see that makes him less attractive and desirable?

Marty--

Are you being selective or would any seductive piece of meat help you validate yourself?

Leave that frog in the swamp where he belongs Keep on walking on that path through the Storybook Forest and the Single State Mountains. Eventually you'll find a prince or your life will be so exciting that you won't need a prince.

"Just say 'No'," isn't very practical and there aren't 12-Step programs for getting over unsuitable men. There are books and movies and television shows and dirty kitchen cabinets.

Hold your dominion.

Don't take the phone calls (screen your calls or change your number if you have to). Don't answer the emails and block his address. Ignore him if he tries to speak to you about anything other than work (I'm assuming this is a coworker). Don't be alone with him. Keep sending out the message that the attentions are unwelcome.

I've been doing so well and was having a rough morning. I guess I'm more confused about myself than about him.

Marty! I thought you was married.

No Roger, my story is that I'm going through a reAlly weird stage in my life. My husband of 16 years left me with no warning. I was really caught off guard, so now I'm trying to figure out which direction my life is taking me and I made a really stupid choice and got involved with someone who wasn't right for me.
Somebody needs to just smack me upside the head so I don't go there again. It's really hard to have gone through such an emotional rollercoaster and then have someone show interest in you who happens to be totally wrong.
I know what's the right thing to do, I'm just have a lot of uncertainties lately.
But for the most part I think I'm moving in the right direction

Sorry to disagree with everybody else, but this latest fellow may not have been a frog. What kind of name is that for a human. He and marty have a story.
She is well out of it, but I don't think it's necessary to portray the guy as some evil thing.

I agree with others that you both need to move on and need to get used to yourself. A lot of humans spend more years than not unmarried or unmated. One of my main reactions to a2k relationship posts is about the fear people have of being alone for what seems to be a few months.

It can only you do you good, in the early years, to learn to live with and deal with yourself. And in later years, even more so.

Marty, do you mind if I ask what makes this guy so wrong for you?

I agree with cutting contact, block his email, block his phone number. Basically ignore him as much as possible - seeing and hearing from him will take up valuable real estate in your mind and heart. And it is very valuable.

Have you gotten angry at him yet? Even privately.
He fed you lines. He treated you less than you deserve. You started to feel you loved him - you gotta mourn that. And anger is a great fuel for moving forward sometimes.

When you get it through your heart 100% that he is wrong for you, it will be no effort at all to forget about him. You won't want to waste time thinking of him. You won't want to humor his advances even in your fantasies.

Face it fully. Look at the reality of who he is and what he is doing by trying to restart something with you. Try suspending what you think he is long enough to see the truth.

And ****...listen to yourself too. If you're feeling lonely, okay , say "I am lonely". There's nothing wrong with feeling lonely sometimes.
Then you can do something about it.
But you're you're feeling "I am lonely" and along comes Mr. Affair with pretty pretty words - don't be fooled into converting loneliness to attraction. That's just lying to yourself.
Ya gotta be emotionally honest to yourself first. And I understand that can be tough, tough, tough to do sometimes especially when there is a lot of pain to bear.

Stay strong. You are worth your full attention.

Fortunately we don't work too closely together but within the same organization. So I see him a few times a month. And I don't want to be with someone that I know is capable of being unfaithful.
I don't mean to keep droning on about this but it really helps to hear from you all to keep my choices in check.

Thanks

Boy, just when you thought this thread was dead....I need some advice again. I told myself that I wasn't going to fall for this guy. And I really don't think that I have. Sure, I was really diggin the attention he was giving me but he is such a sweet talker and seems very genuine when he asks how I'm doing. So I don't know if I feel the way I do because I really have a crush on him or if its the fact that we are no longer intimately involved or if it's something bigger that lies within me. OK, so to the point...He called tonight since we agreed to stay friends. We both enjoy some of the same activities and he is looking for a bicycling partner this spring. As we were talking he mentioned that he is flying out of town tonight. blah,blah,blah. "I hope I sit next to some georgeous woman so I can sleep with my head on her lap, but then I'd get hit in the head with a stick, ha ha" I replied"you should get hit in the head with a stick" and we chuckled a little and he said he was kidding. You know, I hung up the phone feeling kind of sad.
So I'm wondering if I should say what I'm thinking or if it would make me look like a psyco biatch. I want to tell him that since we were once intimate with each other and I had reached the point of having romantic feelings for him that these comments hurt my feelings. It really makes me feel like what we shared wasn't all that special or unique. Almost as if he was interested more in finding a sexual partner than having a relationship with me.

I've put my man hat on



You didnt want to take it to the next level. Therefore it was just sex.

Was this man a virgin before your relationship? so you knew he had slept with other women?



Is this a Man? The answer is YES! What you had was sex thats how he manages not to be attached to you, Its how he is able to process your relationship.

its also possible that he wants to find out if the comment hurt your feelings If it does maybe you still want him.

I know its hard for you to understand. Sex and love are two separate things.

Well at first I was willing to accept that it was just sex. After all, I was just recently rejected by the man who I thought was my life partner. I didn't feel that I was ready for a relationship. But I'm left with confusion now. I really don't know if I truely have strong feelings for him or if I just miss the attention.

My feeling is you wont know until you move on to the next one. That sounds kinda slutty but its not meant to.

We tell the older kids to get out and have a few experiences before they settle down with one partner. Maybe its not so different for you.

A few experiences?? But this was the only other person I've been with since my ex husband left 3 years ago I'm beginning to wonder when the other experiences are going to come around. And I must say that I do have my standards so you could say I'm choosey.

I think you should read trophy's featured thread and replace her creep with yours. Is this guy still married? WTF?

Your reaction to your prior relationship and his reaction to your prior relationship reflect the general views of women and men. Even though you thought you wanted 'just sex', women tend to want to 'make love' whereas men tend to be perfectly fine with 'just sex'.

Believe me, what you shared wasn't all that special or unique. As I recall, this man fed you a bag of bull (at a time in your life when you had never been more vulnerable) about you needing to be loved and then telling you (after having sex) that he wasn't able to give you what you were looking for. Do I remember that correctly?

Was a creep, is a creep, will be a creep in the spring as he peddles around, hopefully by himself.

sorry for being so blunt, mb. Would you like to know what I really think?

Agreeing with JPB Marty.

And don't tell him anything about any romantic feelings you may have been developing towards him. Don't give him the satisfaction. Keep it all inside however hard it is. Things change all the time and before you know it, you won't be thinking about him any more.

He sounds like a right prick.

x