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Thu 5 Oct, 2006 10:57 pm
I was talking to a friend the other day who told me that after a few years of being with the same person he get's bored and needs to either find a "one nighter" or "spice things up" by bringing someone else into the bedroom. Ummm... is that normal?
Theres a difference between the fantasy of "want to" and actually doing it.
Understanding that thoughts such as this is/are in fact a daydream and not a reallity is a key aspect of being (and staying) married.
So dadpad, I see what you are saying here I think. So then do most men probably daydream of other women then at some point? Well I'm sure women could and do too as well.
I guess I'm just wanting to know here, since my experience in the department of "long term relationships" is somewhat limited... do guys get bored having sex with the same person for an extended amount of time? Not that it means they would move on necessarily, but is the boredom what maybe inspires the fantasy? Aren't there things people can do to spice up their relationship or bring back that passion they once had?
If some do get bored well... ok, but I wonder what the difference really is between the regular girlfriend/wife and the one nighter from the bar. I mean, excuse my frankness here please, but isn't sex sex, no matter who you do it with? There's only so many different things you can do, right? So maybe then just the fact that it's a different person is the exciting factor maybe? *shrugs* Heck... I don't know.
Normal??? I should hope not!
LOL me too. I don't know though bohne. I sincerely wonder sometimes. It seems the word "commitment" doesn't hold quite the same meaning now a days that it used to. The more guys I talk to the more I see how "whimsical" it seems sex has become to some.
Spicing up sounds nice... but not by bringing someone else into the bedroom... that's just freaky.
Doesn't everyone get bored to some degree eventually?
Lots of ways to deal with it, but boredom ... it happens.
There are differences in the average behaviors of men and women in this area, just as there are wide differences among individual men and women. Applying observations about the differences in the average behaviors of the sexes to individuals runs the risk of substantial error. All that said, it is true that, on average, men see an occasioanl outside affair as less of a betrayal of the primary relationship than do many women. The attraction appears to be the chase and the score more than the sex itself.
I agree that contemporary values do very little to temper this difference, but as history and literature have long demonstrated, it is not a new phemonemon.
jpinMilwaukee I think that's freaky too. Though swinger clubs seem to be gaining much popularity now a days from what I hear. It's not anything I would care to try.
ehbeth, well it's good to hear that there are ways to deal with the boredom besides going outside the relationship.
georgeob1 wrote:There are differences in the average behaviors of men and women in this area, just as there are wide differences among individual men and women. Applying observations about the differences in the average behaviors of the sexes to individuals runs the risk of substantial error. All that said, it is true that, on average, men see an occasioanl outside affair as less of a betrayal of the primary relationship than do many women. The attraction appears to be the chase and the score more than the sex itself.
I agree that contemporary values do very little to temper this difference, but as history and literature have long demonstrated, it is not a new phemonemon.
Hmm... interesting. LOL I was going to say something really bad here about chasing... but I'll keep it to myself... hehehe
Perhaps society is not so much changing in the fact that it happens as much as it is changing how much it is talked about and accepted?
Truthfully, heph, I think the extracurricular activity was more common and more accepted in the past - not in the weird post-WWII past, which seems like an anomaly - but in the bigger, more global past.
At least a coupla things could have come into play- longer life expectancies, for one. Go to the cemetaries in the north-east, look at all the gravestones where a man or woman has outlived a coupla spouses - seems like there were a lot of marriages that only lasted 2 - 10 years because the partner died (childbirth, diseases we now think of as innocuous but used to be killers). Lots of serial monogamy going on then.
And well, people seemed to have been more relaxed/comfortable with different expressions of their sexuality. Certainly, when I hear stories from the 19teens and 1920's, there was a lot of shakin' going on.
hephzibah wrote:I mean, excuse my frankness here please, but isn't sex sex, no matter who you do it with? There's only so many different things you can do, right? So maybe then just the fact that it's a different person is the exciting factor maybe? *shrugs* Heck... I don't know.
Even for a horny guy, sex is all in the brain and not in the penis. That is why people have fetishes, and why people can build up tolerance...it's about what feels horny to the brain, has much less to do with the actual physical sensation...
So then boredom can cause a loss of the sense of horniness for a particular person?
hep wrote: I mean, excuse my frankness here please, but isn't sex sex, no matter who you do it with?
You need to get out more.
I KNEW J_B would be with me on this one.
At the same time, no less. What are the chances?
132,754,987.697854976433333 to 1
i think gus and jpb are doin' it
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