Too Funny For Love?

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The other night at my relationships group, a guy happened to comment, "It's really funny how women always say they want a guy who's funny."

Well, I don't know if it's really funny to want someone who's funny. But I've always thought I have a pretty good sense of humor, and I've always found it attractive in other people. Frankly, I don't know how people get through life without one.

I've always liked the idea of having someone in my life who finds the same things funny that I do, who can laugh along with me at this difficult, wonderful, crazy, perplexing thing we call "life."

That's why I was kind of surprised when one of the women said, "'Funny' used to be one of my criteria, but in my experience the very funny are also the very crazy or the very distant." She said that she thought some men used humor to mask their feelings or create distance.

I have to admit that I've used humor to create distance from the intensity of my feelings in some situations. There's no doubt I've used it as a mask too, from time to time. There are times when I'll make a joke at my own expense -- before anyone else gets a chance to, or just to keep people from getting too close, before I'm ready for them to.

Then another woman in our group said she used to find funny men very attractive and growing up her idols were comedians instead of movie stars. But since then, she's found that humor masks "bitterness, self-absorption," and "the inability to talk seriously about anything."

I suppose that could be true, if you're talking about someone's who constantly cracking jokes, to point of annoyance.

What do you think? Do you like a funny mate? Or do you find funny people entertaining at a party, but not someone you'd want to go home with?

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A sense of humor is very helpful in creating a bond in relationship. A similar sense of humor is good indicator that a couple is right for each other. Humor can defuse potential arguments and just make the other person relax. It's as important to be able to laugh together as it is to cry together. My husband is not a particularly funny guy, but he always gets my jokes- and that's important too.

What do you do in relationship group? Meet people to have a relationship with?

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Everything in moderation. I couldn't spend too much time with anyone who lacks a sense of humor. But, people who have nothing in them other than their sense of humor are worse than those with none.

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Greenwitch,

I joined this group about a year ago. It's for people who have trouble with relationships for one reason or another, and I had just come out of a bad one!

I still attend because I've grown close to some of the people there, and they often give me some food for thought.

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A sense of humor is very helpful in creating a bond in relationship. A similar sense of humor is good indicator that a couple is right for each other. Humor can defuse potential arguments and just make the other person relax. It's as important to be able to laugh together as it is to cry together. My husband is not a particularly funny guy, but he always gets my jokes- and that's important too.

Yes, I once had a boyfriend who wasn't one to crack jokes, but he definately had a sense of humor -- at least, he "got" my humor! We could just crack each other up. But we were also able to have serious discussions and we clicked on other levels as well.

Sometimes, we'd be in a particular situation that was unfolding, and I'd be thinking about how ridiculous it was...I knew I could look across the room and share a knowing smile with him. We both knew what the other one was thinking. That was great!

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people who have nothing in them other than their sense of humor are worse than those with none.

Yes, I know what you mean. Some people go overboard with it, and it seems to be their whole identity.

I was just thinking.....maybe "witty" is sexy, but "funny" isn't? Some people seem to be able to combine humor and sexuality, but for others? It seems to "de-sex" them.

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I admit: I am one of those women who tends to the 'less is more' spectrum as far as men/humor are concerned.

Clownishness, constant joking - don't like. It is a turn-off.

Having a good time and being able to laugh together is super-important, but that doesn't always have to be jokes. Doesn't have to be funny. I can be extraordinarily silly and tend to like that goofiness in guys too.

I don't know. I guess I just don't like that feeling of being 'entertained' all the time. I'd rather a guy just chill. Less pressure.

That's preference though, nothing more.

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People can be funny for different reasons. It doesn't have to be rooted in a personality disorder.

(is it working? are you guys buying this line? Laughing

)

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Having humor doesn't mean one needs to display it 24/7 - it gives one the
ability to see life from the lighter side, and being able to laugh about oneself is most crucial, but it should come naturally.

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I love love love a sense of humor. It depends so much on how it's presented, though. What will always get me is the guy who almost seems to be trying to keep a lid on it and just can't help muttering something that he knows could get him in trouble. The grandstanders ("HEY LOOK AT ME AREN'T I FUNNY?!") are more annoying. But not always. As I write that I can think of some grandstanders who were attractive too, as long as they're at least slightly ironic about it.

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Wit or humor that come from a man's sense of the relationship between his own ego and the rest of the universe are essential for a loving relationship.

Men who never find themselves preposterous or amusing are two-legged frogs, caught between tadpole life and adulthood.

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At the time that I met Mr. B I was dating the funniest person. Oh man I was completely in love with him. I thought he was The One.

He dumped me.

That wasn't funny at all.

His humor was strictly observational - relating to what was happening in the absolute then and now. I never had so much fun in my life.

I still think of him sometimes and wonder .....

Ha.

Sometimes I get wistful over when I used to be funny too, though.

I really did used to be funny.

Where did my funny go?

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boomerang wrote:

I really did used to be funny.

Where did my funny go?

good lord woman, you're a riot, i love your thread titles, and your observational, conversational take on things, funny is more than just LOL, and ROFLMAO, sometimes it's a funny old world and you do a great job of pointing that out

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I agree, Boomer is funny to the nth degree.

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flushd wrote:

I admit: I am one of those women who tends to the 'less is more' spectrum as far as men/humor are concerned.

Clownishness, constant joking - don't like. It is a turn-off.

Having a good time and being able to laugh together is super-important, but that doesn't always have to be jokes. Doesn't have to be funny. I can be extraordinarily silly and tend to like that goofiness in guys too.

I don't know. I guess I just don't like that feeling of being 'entertained' all the time. I'd rather a guy just chill. Less pressure.

That's preference though, nothing more.

This is for you, flushd. It's a joke, and my boss sent it to me. It proves two things; first, you don't have to have a sense of humor to tell a joke. Second, it proves that engineers are incapable of understanding a joke. They do, however; learn to listen well enough to make a guess at what point they are expected to laugh.

A large corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of
our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all
the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but
please don't eat any of our employees". The cannibals promised they would
not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard
and I'm satisfied with your work. However, one of our secretaries has
disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all
shook their heads "No". After the boss had left, the leader of the
cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"
A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!!" the leader continued. "For four weeks
we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you
had to go and eat someone who actually does something."

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You've still got it, boomer. Your thread titles are proof! (You're the BEST.)

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Boomer--

I know what you mean. Sometimes life can leave you a little parched for laughter.

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Are they saying they want a man who is funny, or a man who has a sense of humor?

I've said this before, but when I say I like a person who has a sense of humor, I mean a person who can put life in perspective, and see the non-bleak side of situations.

Take Lord Elpus for example, sure he's funny and witty. However, we've all seen the more thoughtful side of him. However, no matter what's going on he keeps a sense of humor about it all.

I must be like your old flame boomer. I don't consciously look for things to laugh at...it's all around and I see it.

It would really bother me to be with someone who feels there's only certain situations were one is allowed to see the humor in something, otherwise, life is just to be taken seriously.

However, it would be even worse maybe to be with someone for whom everything is a joke....there's a difference between that and seeing both the humor and the seriousness of a situation at the same time.

an aside....

You know, I was over at shewolfs last week, we both laughed a lot, and you know, she has got one of the most wonderful laughs you can imagine. It starts waaaaaay down at the bottom of her personhood, rushing up and out. When it's released it just fills the air. It makes the other person quite pleased with themselves that they were able to get someone to produce such a sound....I was telling her something entirely serious when one of these laugh bombs exploded.

For a second, I thought "huh" then was just so pleased that I was so witty, even though I didn't know what I said.

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I'm glad you had a good time with Shewolfie, Chai! I'll bet you ladies had some good laughs!

I think what the women in my group meant was that, although the average sense of humor is definately a good thing, some people who are "funny, funny, funny," are using humor to keep other people from getting to know them, and keeping things from ever getting too serious -- thereby creating a distance between themselves and others.

I think that's very possible.

boomerang wrote:

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His humor was strictly observational - relating to what was happening in the absolute then and now.

Were you dating Jerry Seinfeld, boom? Anyway, add me to the group who think you're still funny!

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roger wrote:

This is for you, flushd. It's a joke, and my boss sent it to me. It proves two things; first, you don't have to have a sense of humor to tell a joke. Second, it proves that engineers are incapable of understanding a joke. They do, however; learn to listen well enough to make a guess at what point they are expected to laugh.

Hey, thanks. Laughing

I actually find that rather adorable.

Did you laugh, roger, when you saw that email pop up?

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I like funny to a certain extent.
As long as there is enough seriousness to create a serious relationship!

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"A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections."
-- George Eliot

I'm luckily married to someone who can make me laugh when I'm taking life too seriously -- this has been essential in our marriage as I tend toward being pessimistic. I have known "clowns" and they are exhausting. I prefer quiet wit.

Note to Boomer: your thread titles are always so clever I'm green with envy.

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Too Funny For Love?

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