never say to a cop...

"Sorry officer, I know I was driving erratically. See, there was this bee in the car. And it kept telling me, 'Go faster! Go faster!'"

I know these jokes are old, but my favorite Foxworthy is: "If your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper that he can kiss her ass..."

There is a flip side to this . . .

. . . I was drivin' up to see Lovey last Fourth of July, and had just spoken to her on the cell phone, getting the advice to drive slowly to avoid a ticket. Well, hell, i was drivin' slowly by Canajun standards. I came around a curve, doin' about 80, and just as soon as i cleared the line of sight of a clump of trees, i saw the trooper. He immediately put on his lights and siren, and i immediately slowed down and pulled over. He came up to the window and asked me if i knew why he had pulled me over. I looked at him in surprise and said: "I'd say it was the excessive speed." He took my license, went back to the cruiser and called it in, and then came back to me. "Here ya go, i'm gonna let you slide because you pulled over immediately, and you didn't feed me any bullshit--slow it down, ok?" Man, i took that advice to heart. I didn't go back over the speed limit for at least five miles.

Hi Setanta

My favorite and this is true. New Years Day right after midnight About 12:30 am I'm heading home to Nahant Ma. driving beside the beach in my wife's car. I'm the only one on the road as everyone's still in the bar. I notice a police car following and that I'm the only one on the road. The blinking blue lights convince me he wants to talk. I pull over and wait for him. He walked up to thje window and asks if I had been drinking. I answer truthfully no. Then he says do you know you've got an expired registration. No I didn't know. When did it expire? Half an hour ago. Is this your car?. No it's my wife's. The fine is $100.00. Ok, wait'll she hears about it. I'm gonna let you go he says with a smile. Thank you, officer. Happy New Year.

You're right. There's usually no grief if you tell the truth and give them no grief (and you haven't been drinking).

Yeah, well, I'd say that depends very much on what the truth is. "I've gotta go meet this guy to unload all this dope in my trunk and I was supposed to be there, like, yesterday" probably is not going to help you very much.

Hey dude, you want a hit?

"I know I was driving erratic officer,but the voices kept telling me to load the guns"

"You sure do have a pretty mouth..."

True story - woman in San Antonio was driving on Loop 410 by the airport. She stopped short in heavy traffic causing a pile up. The officer asker her what happened... she told him she saw a big plane flying overhead and thought it was going to crash!

"Speeding? I wasn't speeding officer. Hold my beer and watch this!"

"Boy, do you know what the speed limit is?"

"Sorry officer, no I don't. I was going by those signs too damn fast to read them."

Drew Carey's bit, paraphrased...

"Now that I've got some money I like to run stop signs in the rain just so the cop has to get out of the car. 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' 'Yeah, do you know why I ran the sign?'"

This burly biker dude I work with can be pretty loud and obnoxious.
It's usually healthier if he keeps his mouth shut.

So when pulled over by the cops he doesn't say a word, and along with his
license just hands them a card with the following printed on it.

He claims the three times he's tried it, they just let him go without a ticket.
Anyone have similar experience? Worth a shot?


------
USA Citizen's Rights Against Search & Arrest
Statement of Constitutional Rights

Officer, I mean no disrespect, but I understand my rights...
I have the right to have an attorney present during questioning.
I have the right to refuse to consent
to any search of my body and personal effects.
I wish to exercise all my rights.

If I am under arrest I wish to invoke and
exercise my Miranda rights and be allowed the opportunity to
obtain the advice of my attorney.

If I am to be taken into custody I request a reasonable opportunity
to make arrangements to secure my own property.
I do not consent to any impoundment of my property.

If I am not under arrest, I want to leave.
If I am free to leave, please tell me immediately
so that I may go about my business.
----------



Other variations found at:
www.state.ok.us/~oids/individual_rights.htm
www.abate14.bizland.com/what_to_say_if_you.htm
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_humor/message/463
www.angelfire.com/ms/harley2000/statement.html

I wouldn't think it's worth a shot...if I were a cop I'd ticket any jackass that gave me that card. What does getting pulled over for speeding have to do with getting arrested or searched?

Technically, you are under arrest the moment the red light is turned on.
They let you "out" on your own recognizance once you sign the paper promising to show up in court within 30 days.

I've hired a lawyer just to get out of a speeding ticket, and done the whole nine yards of pleading innocent, setting a court date, subpoena'ing various people involved. At some point it's too much of a hassle for them and the whole thing gets dismissed.

I guess that's just the way justice works. They hassle you, you hassle them, everybody goes home grumpy. A police officer can't afford all that work and time, just for a speeding ticket. He still has to meet his quota y'know.

Could I have some Vaseline, these handcuffs are chaffing my wrists

I was stopped by the same cop on the same stretch twice in one week. He said to me, didn't I just meet you? I said yes, and you gave me a ticket for speeding then. Are you giving me another one now? He shook his head disgustedly and told me to use my cruise control from now on. Boy was I relieved. I plea-bargained out of getting points when I went to court, then they changed the law in NJ so you can't negotiate any more.

I've never gotten a speeding ticket :-D

A friend of mine was pulled over for speeding 23 times in one year.

But she was never given a ticket. The officer just gave her a warning and let her go, each and every time... still to this day.