That's a beautiful dress you're wearing, Mrs. Cleaver

Oh Jesus....if Eddie's stepmom asked or pressed for an explanation, I wouldn't pussyfoot around saying they "are not good together"

I'd tell her it's because Eddie wacked my son in the face with a golf club and to keep her kid away from mine. She's lucky I'm not suing her. Which, truth be known, I probably would, I mean, who's going to pay for my son's medical expenses? Did he have to get x-rays?

What's wrong with the truth? This isn't a negotiation or working on a committee together, it's preventing my son from getting maimed. If Eddie's not around, there's no need to keep and eye on him. And my son, callous as this is, will get over it and sooner or later realize that the kid who hit him in the face with a golf club is bad news.

I tend to think that soz is right and that Eddie's step mom won't be as defensive as his natural parents if you tell her exactly what's up. You don't owe an explanation, it's true, but you are going to be neighbors for a while. I'd just tell it like it is. Soz phrased it really well.

If this was on the marriage and relationship thread, and someone was saying their spouse or BF/GF hit them in the face with a golf club. I think it would be unanamous that that person should leave immediately and have no more to do with the abuser.

That is what we would tell an adult that can make their own decisions to do.

Why would we suggest a parent allow their child to stay in this abusive relationship?

Would we tell our son/daughter to go back home to the spouse that played golf with their head and tell them to work it out, and "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out"

Making nice with neighbors like that, who need to address a problem in THEIR family, is being in a position to have to put up with a lot of **** for a long time too.

Why pretend what a neighbor is doing is acceptable, when it's not?

If the neighbor gets their kid in line, that's another story, but you'd have to prove it to me. In the meantime, endangering a child is not worth any neighbor in the world.

Who's suggesting that?



Who's pretending that's ok? The only question is how or whether to explain it to the stepmom.

Chai said what I have been thinking this whole time.

Boom, you mentioned that you found the boys in a 'no go zone' getting into trouble. Eddie is known by step-mom and dad to have issues.
That was a big red flag there. Why was Eddie there? Why are they letting him run rampant?

Personally, I wouldn't be trusting much of what step-mom or anyone in that family would be telling me.

I wouldn't offer any explanations. Simply 'No.". Repeatedly. If Eddie is out roaming like that, I have this suspicion he'll keep showing up, showing up, and step-mom/dad will not be inforcing much anyhow. So why add extra tension; is my thinking. Keep it crisp and cordial: No, Eddie is not allowed to play here.

Anyhow, that's my perspective for what it is worth. We got your back, Boom. And you're doing a good job of watching Mo's.

This all reminds me very eerily of a situation with my buddy who was 5 or 6 ish at the time. I was watching him (sort of a live-in nanny deal).
There was this kid in the neighborhood who would hover around him trying to play. If we were at the park - he was there just around the corner trying to 'lure' Buddy (and assure me of all the 100 and 1 reasons this was a good idea).
Well, Buddy's mom invited this 'Kid' in to play one day. Keeping the peace, giving the kid a chance and all that. Yeah, it is her neighbors moreso than mine - I had mentioned how I got bad vibes from the Kid, but she allowed it anyway.
Buddy had his toy smashed and Kid bullied. Buddy cried, yet kept asking "when can I play with Kid again?"

Long story! Okay, well, I decided to walk Kid home one day. He wouldn't leave us alone after I had told him it was time we go home for supper. He was circling, trying to get invited in the house. (I'm pretty soon he even would have dashed in if I wasn't pyscho-vigilant about the door/dogs).
Anyhoo, his house: same sad story, eh. "Kid is bad." Trying to make it seem like family is saintly and all this.
Mom smelt like booze. Drunk as a skunk. At supper time.
She made it nice and easy to see through her bullshit, but some families are better than others as playing "the kid is only bad seed here".

The whole point of all this is...Buddy's mom had a really tough time get Kid away. She tried so hard to be nice to his mom, to be 'fair' and keep nice.
Ok, so I was a bit of a bitch, but it got the job done. These situations can drag on and on so easy. And the resulting conflicts/drama with the neighbours can end up way worse in the long run.

Good luck. I know you'll figure out something that works for yall.

I'm with everyone else here. Go with your gut and keep your son away from Eddie before the injury becomes worse than getting hit in the face with a golf club. I had a similar situation when my son was 8-10 years old. The neighbors mom was quite defensive and said that when her son is provoked he is going to act on it. The only thing I could do was to keep them apart. Now as they are older they ride the same bus to school and get along quite well, however, they don't hang out together. My son is fine with it.

I recall when my best friend Dougie smashed me in the head with a golf club. Such fun! When I came to I pushed him oout of a tree. Then we built a tree house together that lasted for many years. So just because you get smashed with a golf club doesn't mean you can't be friends!

I would like to cover Chai Tea in oil and have my way with her.

Is this the oil thread?

Gus, stick to the topic dammit!

Gus floats like scum on troubled waters.

I don't want to sound like I'm coming to Eddie's defense but really, he isn't a monster. Until this weekend I've always thought he was a little shady.

And keeping them completely apart just isn't going to be possible. He lives next door to Mo's friend Nic and the kid gang is usually playing at Nic's or at our house.

Eddie really didn't try to play with the gang until Mo came along because they are all girls - 6 and 7 year olds - and they comprise a long standing pack. Mo took the time to infiltrate the pack and now he is always included. Now Eddie is trying to infiltrate the pack. The other group of kids on the block are the over-12s and they pretty much keep to themselves.

I really just don't want Mo playing alone with Eddie. That is when the trouble starts. Eddie is shifty in that whole "I tried to tell him not to do that Ms. B but Mo just wouldn't listen" Eddie Haskell butt kissing style.

Nobody will ever know if Eddie intentionally hit Mo. His reaction to it was weird from either direction. It was kind of a no-response, response and then he mentioned the last time he hit a kid with a golf club....

Who's pretending that's ok? The only question is how or whether to explain it to the stepmom.[/quote]


As far as the first quote, it has been suggested HERE....

Eddie's going to have to prove that he's trustworthy before I'm going to let him play with Mo out of my eyesight. They can still have occasional contact, but I'm going to keep an eye on things. I hope you understand."


HERE

And then, as a follow-up,

a) REALLY watch 'em... make it un-fun for Eddie if he has mischief on his mind.

and HERE

Also, the next time there is an "accident" that leave Mo in tears, I'd send Eddie home until he remembers to be more careful.


As far as the 2nd quote....it goes along with the above in that some feel they need to pad saying something to the parents like "I hope you can understand"

I don't think telling someone "Your kid can play with mine because he hit mine in the head with a golf club" is something you need "to hope" they understand.


I totally don't get the...Well, we have to be nice neighbors thing. That was some fantasy that wasn't even true in the 1950's.

The neighbors aren't your family, they aren't friends that you've made over the years....They are other people that happen to live on the same block, or within the same 3 blocks as you.

Some of my neighbors I really like, and have helped them out, and vice versa, some of my neighbors I'm on "waving to them on the way to the car" terms....others, I don't even know. The whole block doesn't stand around on the street talking to each other, we go about our own business. And having a kid wouldn't change that. The kids in my neighborhood don't necessarily play with the kids that live 2 doors down, they go to someones house that may be blocks away. You go 3 square blocks away from your house, you probably don't even know anyone.

It all comes down to what I said before...

I'm NOT going to be held hostage by anyone just because they happen to live next door to me, and I'm "supposed" to be nice to them.

You don't negotiate with a terrorist.

Maybe the parents of this kid needs MORE neighborhood kids that won't play with him. This kid needs help, not necessarily with counseling, but with parents that let Osama bin Haskill know this craps not going to fly.

No way would I put the onus back on myself to "keep an eye on" this kid....refer his dangerous behavior back to his family, and make them and the kid accountable for his actions.

That's what is about, accountability. This kid feels he can hurt others, and adults are going to have to watch out for him....uh uh, you're busted and out of the game. Tough if you don't like it Eddie, that's the price you pay. Now get out of my backyard.

I just don't feel right about your saying that Eddie has lured Mo out of his boundry zone. How far will he lure Mo the next time. I just don't like the sound of this. Maybe you can have Mo take a break for a while and see what happens. Maybe keep him distracted with other activities. Is he in Kindergarden this year??

Ok, Chai. I guess the word "relationship" with regard to a kid means something different to me than it does to you.

Wafting my opinions into some kind of interim pile -


I agree Eddie can easily be a miserable influence on Mo, who doesn't need that now. So agree on them not playing together alone.

Find that hard to orchestrate... the mere announcement of it will make it more attractive.

Find- no, he can't be here ever also hard to arrange. People have lives and aren't always watching - and, another question, should they be, children get together.

We don't know step mom. She may be at her wit's end. Whether or not Mo and Haskell child play together in a group or not, some understanding, if there could be understanding, could help, if not now, somewhere down the line. I guess I'm for attempting conversation, with my earlier caution re not giving away the store re legal stuff.

Mo is not a passive child. I wouldn't burble about his every misbehaviour, especially some lately.

But - I can well see positives in a talk with step mom. Sozobe's talking points made sense to me.

you reminded me of something I thought of before marty...

you know, the stereotype of the neighborhood bully, who always has this weasely kid fawing at his heels...the kid who thought it was so great that this "bigger kid" payed attention to him. That weasely kid probably started out as a nice kid, but now only holds on to the bullies shirttails.

boom, you say the other kids in the gang are girls?

I bet their parents don't want Eddie hanging around their princesses either, if they knew he might hurt them.

Oh, and I don't dismiss NickFun's view either.

relationship - 2 people that associate with/relate to each other on some level.

I have a relationship with every human being I know.

I definitely think little Eddie could be dangerous -- mostly because he sounds manipulative and something else I can't quite find the word for. But there's no way to keep them separate completely when they live in the same neighborhood without being overprotected. I'm betting they go to the same school. Boomer can't follow Mo around everywhere and ensure that they never play together. You can enforce a rule of no playing together alone. I don't think you can enforce a never play with that kid rule.

I'm just thinking the stepmom could be decent ally if you're up front with her.