The kid just needs some positive attention already. I don't know what would be more clear. Lighting a fire maybe?
Speaking as a longtime-brat-forgotten child. When it gets down to it is very simple. "Love me, pay attention to me, care about who I am, teach me and be someone I can look up to."
One thing that stuck out to me hard was Swimpy mentioning how his self-image could very well be "bad boy" already. I think that may be true. That makes my heart ache for Little Kevin, it is no small matter. Starting at 4 - it will grow that way until it is dealt with. Would be better to deal with at 4 than 14, or 24, or 34.
Get yee some real professional help please. Please. It could means the difference for little Kevin's whole future and life. He's only 4 and he has troubles with all these schools. Imagine middle school, junior high.
Don't underestimate this please. There's no point.
Yall aren't bad parents. You have full, complicated household. But don't let the little guy suffer the short end of the stick on this deal - it isn't his fault.
take care...
That makes sense, flush'd, re his starting to identify with being bad boy, I see Swimpy's point on that too.
Agree of course on a good counsellor. How one picks a good counsellor, I don't know. This talk here may help you folks gather questions to ask to see how you feel about any given counsellor. This talk and some reading, and your talking together.
I can see differences pulling you folks apart, which I so hope doesn't develop. Better to team it..
flushd, you make some good points. What I'm afraid might be happening is that mom and dad are losing sight of little kev in all the brouhaha and who's at fault.
Mr. & Mrs. kev, does little kev know what is expected of him? Are your expectations realistic? When my boys were young, I never took them anywhere without explaining to them what behavior I expected and what would happen if they misbehaved. They rarely misbehaved, because they knoew what was expected of them. I didn't put them into situations I didn't think they could handle either.
I just want to start off and say THANKS to everyone..
This is Kevs Dad have to show my wife how to make her own user name.
Its Early Sunday morning and i worked the 3 rd shift
As i was reading all the post from you guys i literally had tears in my eyes cause of all the good advice and alot of it really hit home for me
I think that all in all my son is a good kid and sometimes i really just want to be his buddy but i realize that i Cant be i have to be his parent
My wife and i have been discussing this all day and i really think that this has drawn us closer and really see the scope of things
I need to praise him more and spend more daddy time with him i liked the saying Catch him being good and not about the negative so much
Just wanted to say thanks and I for sure am gonna be more consistent and be on the same page with my wife
Kev
Hugs, Kev, and Kev Wife.
and then again more hugs.
On the nuts and bolts, I'm no one to listen to - on the other hand, you could both use some reading, or discussion on pros and cons.... if you wouldn't just act out at any given word.
Reminiscent of the intern sydrome... (which is where every intern thinks he or she has the disease).
My own instincts have to do with backing those who say to deal in the positive realm - two different angles from those folks.
Whatever.
You two do need to work all this stuff out, and from my pov, neither is more wrong.
Don't bully each other. Read and read, reject, read read, think again.
It's a process.
Oh, and don't blame each other - at least as a lagoon of lagoustines... - it is a waste of time. You both have legitimate points of view. (I'm not sure hub has clued in to his yet.)
Finally, while all this other stuff flies around, can't you just work out a day to day thing...
I'll leave that to the more experts here. But --- please try not to push pull the child.
Well, that was fanciful.. re the langoustines...
but I'll stand by it.
Osso - you're a pip. I love your postings.
Kev's dad ~ I'm glad to see that you have recognized yourself in some of the postings here. I'm also glad to see that you and Mrs. kev have talked about this and have come to some agreement. Just remember that it's easier said than done. Things may get worse before they get better. Hang in there, the result will be worth the effort.
Kevin's Parents--
You've noticed the problem, you've defined the problem and now you're going to work on the problem.
Lots of people never get this far.
I think there is a good chance that Kevin is going to be a happier kid than he is now.
Good luck.
Thanks for checking in Kevin. I'm glad to hear that some of our words have hit home. Stick around, if you choose. Parenting with a sounding board is much easier than figuring it out on your own. Books and peer groups are also a good idea, as is professional help if you think you need it.
As you can see, the opinions you'll get here will differ but that's a good thing. There's no ONE RIGHT WAY to be a good parent. By getting lots of opinions you can see similarities throughout and different ideas that might or might not work in your situation.
Take care and best wishes to all of you.
Well things are going somewhat better
I got the book 123 magic and about half way thru
Great advice from u guys and the book sure does make sense
Been using 123 for a while but am trying now to use it all the time
1 zip my mouth
2 zip my mouth
3 time out
I think that i have done to much talking to my son and not enough 123
Thanks again to all
Kevs Dad
Wrong User name used wifes by accident
Kevin
Thats so cute.
binkyboo sweetums cuppycake
(Glad its all going ok kev)
Have you watched the Supernanny show on ABC? If you want a well-behaved child, I recommend that you consistently use the Supernanny's techniques.
Debra Law wrote:Have you watched the Supernanny show on ABC? If you want a well-behaved child, I recommend that you consistently use the Supernanny's techniques.
Yes i have watched both super nanny and nanny 911
Now some of those kids are just out of control
Luckily my sons behavior isnt as bad as i have seen on those shows
One thing i dont see on those shows is follow ups
Would like to see how after say 6 months how things have changed if at all
Just my thoughts
Kev
That's my take too, on the nanny shows. I always want to know what the long term effect is.
Kevin, it's great to hear that things are getting better and that the 123 magic system is working for you. Keep us posted and hang around. It won't be long before someone will be asking about a situation similar to yours, and you'll be well equipped to give advice.
yep, those of us who are 'past that stage' can make it sound easy but we all know that it isn't. I too am glad to hear things are improving. Consistency is hard but necessary. Good luck!
Believe it or not, children would rather be "good" than "bad"--but they need to know the rules and have the rules enforced.
Please keep us posted.
