Breastfeeding & weaning

Oh my.

Good luck!

Do you have a plan B? Even if you're 99% confident of it working, I'd really recommend a plan B, because these transitions can be extremely stressful for everyone, and stress + deadlines is not a particularly good combination. Not only that, but this is a specific situation that requires a lot of patience and mental reserves, and it seems like it will be that much harder to muster the required patience if you're under the gun.

What about your sister-in-law going with you to the conference? And then, instead of focusing on trying to clear both of these huge hurdles at once (weaning, sleeping alone), you can just focus on getting M. and your sister-in-law better acquainted in that month's time?

(I'm assuming your husband can't go, but if he can, he would do even better.)

Does your doctor have a lot of experience with co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding? From my experience, I find her advice a little suspect, but all kids are different. What got us through when we were doing the final stages of weaning was a whole lot of physical contact, especially at night.

Kids are capable of amazing things though and it may well all work out swimmingly the way you have it planned. I think a plan B could really help everyone's mental health, though, just in case.

No plan B.

Not confident of it working.

All I can think of right now is how hard it's going to be on M, and of course, for B & me. But mostly for M. Even if she stirs in the night and opens one eye, she needs the breast to fall back asleep. Else, the crying escalates into angry sobs.

I'm scared to death. Really. B & I will discuss the 'plan' this evening.

SIL lives in a different state - even if she is able to come visit before the 5-day long conference trip, she won't be able to come for so long that M will be nicely acquainted/comfortable with her. She's a kid herself (~25-yrs old), like I said - never changed a diaper before. And M is becoming quite the assertive little miss - you have to be pretty sturdy yourself to 'handle' her.

I wish B could go, he can't. We both just want that week to be as less traumatic for M as possible, which is why we thought have a bunch of 'constants' minus mommy (daycare, daddy, home, etc.) would be easier for her to deal with rather than being in the same town as mom but not really seeing her. She'd only get to sleep with mommy, otherwise, the rest of the time she'll be with somebody else - not daddy, not mommy.

Do you think we're being naive - giving ourselves a month to make this transition?

I don't know how well-versed my doc is with co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding. I didn't quite sound her out. I just mentioned that we wanted to do this (w/o mentioning the conference constraints - not very smart, I see now) - and that, I'm thinking, is what she based her response on. I'm not sure what she would have said had I asked for her opinion on cosleeping & extended breastfeeding.

Really hard to say. I'm sure you know best.

How often is she nursing now?

Sozobe, she nurses at night to go to sleep. And, as I mentioned earlier, each time she stirs at night (sometimes once, sometimes thrice or more), she needs it to go back to sleep. On the weekends, again, to take her afternoon nap as well - she needs the breast.

So, we decided start the process last night. B - who never puts M to bed, decided to let her tire herself so that he could then rock/walk her to sleep. So M played well past her 7:30-8 PM bedtime, and went to sleep on daddy's shoulder at 9:30. She woke up ~midnight, fussing a little. B went to her and patted/rocked her back to sleep. Meanwhile, I decided I should sleep away from M, and would have done so on the livingroom couch. But B thought it would be okay for me to sleep in the bed as him & M, with either him or a pillow to separate me from M. Mistake. I should've stuck to my guns and slept outside - not that it would've made much difference, I suspect, when M woke up again 2 AM. Of course, she saw me and cried and cried and B took her out of the bedr'm. I stupidly followed after hearing her cry for 10 minutes. And she just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. So I caved, as I had known I would when I had crept after them.

Back we all went into bed, B angry/frustrated at me, M stuck to my breast and I - guilty but relieved.

This sucks.

We're going to try again tonight. I am going to call her doctor and see if she has any words of advice for us.

My poor little baby.

Oh, M's doc recommended the book "Sleeping Through the Night" by Jodi Mindell. I'm shopping for it right on Amazon ... has anyone read it?

Oh, I'm sorry, _Heatwave_, that sounds really tough.

Night nursing was the last to go for us, too, and the hardest step.

I definitely suggest getting a whole plan in order first and then following through rather than doing it in bits and pieces.

The book that sounded best when I was researching this stuff was "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I used some ideas from it, some of my own ideas. It's highly recommended by the Sears'. (And therefore, since you seem to like them, may be more in line with the kind of parenting you've done until now.)

Does M's childcare always have the same people, or is there a rotation? Any chance of bringing one of the childcare people to the conference?

Another question -- are YOU ready to stop breastfeeding? You talked about the conference and about B's preferences, but when I was reading the weaning and sleeping stuff one common theme is that YOU have to be ready for it to work, and if you're not, wait.

Yeah, I'm not sure I have it in me to let my baby cry herself to sleep. I read through a whole bunch of review on both the Jody Mindell book M's doc suggested, and the one you did, Sozobe. Just ordered E Pantley's book - it definitely sounds like something I would be more comfortable following.

The first option I had thought of was having one of her daycare teachers come with us to the conference. Unfortunately, they all used up their vacation time over the X'mas holidays, and cannot take a full week off so soon.




Am I ready to stop nursing M? I go back and forth with this -- even on days that it feels like a huge inconvenience, on a certain level, I enjoy it even then. I've always loved nursing M. Last night, while I was laying on the couch hearing her make her sleepy sounds on B's shoulder, I really missed our nightly routine.
BUT.
I do also wonder if I'm depriving M of her independence in some way. For sure, it's not good for her teeth - even though we brush them morning & night. And the fact is that with our lives being the way they are right now - my job/house work pressure, B's school pressure -- it'll probably be good for all of us for M & me to shelve this inter-dependency thing we've got going on.

I don't know. It sounds so incredibly selfish - but when it comes to the practicality of getting all the things I need to get done by the time the day is out, when I think of this conference looming in the horizon - I feel like I must wean her off.

Just on that one point, it's pretty much the opposite. The more attached the baby/ toddler is (and breastfeeding and co-sleeping both contribute to attachment), the more independent they tend to be. It has to do with confidence levels. (Sears have a lot about attachment parenting, we didn't DO it in general but used a lot of the principles). Sozlet did extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping and is one of the most independent kids I've met.

I'm really sorry you're in this tough situation, _Heatwave_. I hope the Pantley book will give you some good ideas and you can go from there.

Thanks, Sozobe. For listening and the sage advice you always offer.

(And yes, you're absolutely right on the confidence level thing. I *know* that - just when I am desperate in my head about this situation, I lose some focus and facts get a little twisted. I have to stay 'untangled' and figure out the least-traumatic way of doing this...)

Updates will follow for sure. Helps to have non-judge-y A2K to vent.

I understand about the tangled-ness, it's definitely a stressful situation. That's part of why I worry about you in terms of the stress + deadline -- the clearheadedness you need to make this work is really hard to come by in those circumstances. Can certainly be done though, and you seem like a really great, thoughtful mom. I'm sure you'll figure out something that works. Happy to listen and maybe provide some resources on the way.

I am considering breastfeeding when my baby comes. I want to but I am concerned that it will be a waste of time. I am only off for 8 weeks and after that go back to a full time job. I don't think it will be realistic to think I can still breastfeed while at work for a few reasons. Time to do it and place to do it...

Anyway, how long does it take to wean? You all are making it sound like a really long process.

The reasons I wanted to breastfeed even for only 8 weeks is because of the nutritional value (the antibodies and what not) and the cost (hello it's free).

I will have be done or almost completely done by the time I go back to work...

What do you all think?

Wow. Lots of different things to address there.

First, if you can, breastfeeding REALLY isn't a waste of time. If you choose NOT to breastfeed, that is a hassle in and of itself, because your breasts will have the milk no matter what and will be painful and engorged, and that has to be dealt with. And then there are benefits up the wazoo, which I already extolled earlier in this thread.

For weaning as a process, it varies a great deal, but the impression I have is that it's actually easier in some ways when the baby is smaller -- unpleasant to be sure, but with less extra issues. I don't have any experience with early weaning so don't quote me on that.

You can still breastfeed while you're working, lots of ways to get around that. Main way is to do both -- it's not all or nothing. Your breasts produce as much milk as is needed, so if you only breastfeed when you're home, that will be fine. Then you can either express breastmilk (not horrible, and very common now in the workplace) while you work, or your baby can have other sustenance while you work.

One other thing I'd put in there is actually the same general category as what I was saying to _Heatwave_ -- do you have a plan B? I cannot tell you how many people I have met in real life and have seen on parenting forums who had every intention of going back to work after a certain period of time and just couldn't. Mother-baby bonding is some serious mojo. Not at ALL saying that this will definitely happen to you -- it's far from 100%. Just, I've seen it happen really often, and the people who are happiest are the ones who were able to make some sort of allowance for that ahead of time.

I forget how far along you are -- have you signed up for any prenatal classes yet, that sort of thing? We went to a bunch of 'em (4?), including one that was specifically about breastfeeding. Super helpful.

No plan B. Which is weird for me because I am a planner planner planner.

I am almost 3 months now. I haven't even considered classes.

I don't want to hijack heatwaves thread so maybe I will start my own...since it seems I have some issues to deal with.

I thought you were further than that (congratulations on almost being done with the first trimester! how's the morning sickness?), plenty of time for classes then. I think I took most of 'em in the last couple of months.

Looking forward to your new thread. (Bella's gonna be a mommy! :-D)

Hey, Bella Dea! How're you doing? Better, I'm sure, if bagels and whatnot are staying down. You're going to feel SO much better in your second trimester. Make sure you do lots of fun things with hubby - go to the movies often - you won't have much chance of that once the kid arrives. (Last time I went to see a movie in the theatre was almost 20 months ago!)

So, update. We've decided to go easier on M (and ourselves) on the weaning schedule. We're going to have SIL accompany M & me to the conference. Have advertised on Craig's List for a local sitter as well. So, we'll have someone experienced with babies to care for M, with SIL on site to 'keep an eye' on things so to speak. I'm feeling soooo much better! We're going to do a little more research before we formulate a 'plan' for the weaning. Obviously, it needs to be done - but it's a relief to do it without a serious deadline looming!

*phew*

Phew indeed! Great, I'm so glad you figured out a less stressful solution. That all sounds really good. And yay for your SIL!

SIL is wonderful. She's giving up celebrating her first valentine's day with hubby to help us out. She's quite awesome. She's also going to get a surprise flowers delivery from us on the 14th, and a few other gifts when we get back into town. Of course, none of it can compensate for her special day, we'll just try to repay her kindness as best as we can.

So. Babysitting costs are N-V-T-S! Granted it's going to be three intense 6 AM - 9 PM days for the babysitter, with another 4 hours on the first evening at the start of the conference. But 49 hours x $15 comes to a whopping $735!!!

Oy!

Oy indeed!

Impressive brokering though, glad you figured out the complicated logistics.

Could you try for some kind of bulk/ package deal? Like $500 even for the trip instead of per hour?

Probably not, especially if it's already agreed to.

But peace of mind is priceless. :-)

You're so right on 'peace of mind!' That's what is swinging this.

We actually posted an ad on Craig's list and spoke with a handful of sitters. The most and the least experienced of them are ALL stuck on the $15/hr rate. I guess the intense three 15-hour days are a major sticking point. No-one even wants to consider negotiating a 'weekly' rate.

Back to peace of mind. And down to paying through the nose for it. We'll do it - and it'll be worth it.

You're pregnant Bella? CONGRATS!!! WOOHOO!!! I'm so excited for you!!

I just weaned my kiddo. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, but my guy had been getting boob for a year. I got so sad when we got stopped completely. ...something I never thought I would be. When he's hungry or I do the sign for "milk" ...he runs to my shirt and gives me zerburts (sp?). He didn't START doing that until I weened him. Funny to watch! It's been a month, and I still have milk in me. I'm glad he takes whole milk now though!