My wife has admitted feelings for another man

I also disagree that wife should leave her job. People who are attractive do show up in life, on the job or not. Darting about in a career because of attraction is, to me, plain dumb (not to call eoe dumb; that is simply my pov).

To start with, it's poor form to fool around where you work, in any case (and yes, I've done it, though not married then), and against many companys' policy - in some of the hospital corporations where friends have worked, one could get fired for that.

I doubt one would suggest a guy leave his job - that he is happy to be in - in a similar situation.

Well, you know what they say...don't poop where you eat.

I agree that running from job to job because you're attracted to this guy and then that guy would be foolish but that's not what we're talking about here. If that were the case then yes, I'd say that they were in deep trouble and she really does have issues with her spouse. But this is the first time and there's temptation staring her in the face. Why tempt fate?

I guess some people tell their spouses everything and sure, it may have seemed quite healthy for her to do so but look at the mess now. Her husband will probably not get a good nights' sleep for some time to come and I feel awful for him, imagining being in his shoes. Seems to me that if she had kept it to herself and dealt with it herself...but of course, that's water under the bridge.

Oh, I agree with that part. I assume my husband must have been attracted to someone at some point along the line but I sure don't want to hear about it (as long as he doesn't act on it). Ryan's wife sounds naive, in a few ways, and I'm saying more that it's better that she told him than that she acted on it, not better that she told him at all. I agree that processing it, NOT acting on it, and moving on is more mature.

But they've been together since they were 16...

If the wife spontaneously decides to leave, whatever. The key here is that I don't think Ryan can come out ahead by in any way encouraging her to leave. I think that will have a backlash that carries more risks than her facing her "crush."

And honestly, with the rationalizations Ryan mentioned about her father and brother, I think she's already on her way out of it UNLESS Ryan presses the issue in one way or another. If having an affair becomes a way to get revenge, or assert independence, or anything like that.

(With "spontaneously decides to leave" I mean leave that job, not leave Ryan.)

I agree.



Hmm. I guess it depends on how much it means to you. If you say it in passing, and she does it, cool. If she doesn't do it, I don't think it's worth it to press that issue. Seems like a bit of territory-marking that may not go over well with her.

But I think it's fine as a concept to let him know that you know that she knows that he knows that... you know. ;-)

I'd say you are dead right. People develop crushes at work constantly, and a job change will do nothing to shield you from the possibility of one developing into something more. Letting her know that it hurts your feelings a little, but you trust her completely strikes me as the appropriate reciprocal honesty... and will most likely be appreciated, even honored, when the moment has passed. Few men could match your benevolence and I'd wager she'll end up more in love with you than ever if you can maintain it. (Suggesting affairs is definitely overkill, though). Keep the communication going and I think you'll be just fine.

I wish you the very best of luck..