really need help!!!

i should probably give a little more info, i am recently divorced and this guy has had a crush on me a very long time which i kinda blew off but did flirt with some because i was flattered anyway we have been seeing eachother for 6 weeks we have had sex and he went from being the one who called and just acted soo crazy about me to just not easy to read?? when i call he acts as though its good to talk to me and if i offer any plans he always checks his schedule to see if it will work and we have dates, its just that i have to ask or call??? don't want to waste my time, i already did that not long ago with another guy who i was crazy about and he got back with his ex, please help : )

Hello, reb24, welcome to A2K.

Do these dates tend to end up with the two of you having sex?

the last few dates yes and i can tell he has it on his mind early on in the date. i will say i think he felt burned by me in the past for flirting but not getting a divorce but then again his first conversation with me this time was about how he respected me trying to work things out as much as possible and only leaving when i was sure it was the right thing to do. i try to give the benefit of doubt that he is just nervous that i might get back with my husband like before or something but i have made it clear i am interested in him and that my marriage is the past and we now do have a sexual relationship so i think he shouldn't be nervous?? i don't know...lol..i just don't understand and its driving me crazy!

I think you have your answer. He's willing to see you when you call and has sex on his mind early on in the date, but he isn't pursuing you in any way. You're interested in him enough to contact him and make arrangements to get together, making it easy for him to get laid. Smart guy!

Honestly, I would guess he's not that interested... He's btdt w/you (had sex) and if it's easy to get, he's all right w/more, but if it requires too much effort on his part, it doesn't seem to be worth the expenditure to him, kwim? Not that there's anything wrong w/this kind of relationship if you 2 just want sex...

Why does the gut always have to make the first move? I love when a lady asks me out. I feel complimented. And it makes getting laid a shoe-in.

well that is what i was scared you would say, that its a sex only thing. I just would not have expected that from all the sweet things he said in the beginning and even when i have been with him these last few dates he has said things when i am with him that make it sound like he really wants to date me and is interested in me but the no phone call after does say alot and i just had hope that maybe he was just insecure to call because of the past or that maybe its ok if i am the one who makes the moves and that some guys just like that and could still fall for me. He really has said some wonderful things to me and has chased me since 2004 but now its all me doing the chasing and i don't like that too much. i have never started the sex thing with us he has no problem in making those moves so he should be able to call.

So, let him call.

your right and thank you all for the advice! i guess i just wanted to have some hope cause i do really like him and i do know that most of his past relationships he has been burned so i had hope that maybe some men are like this and it didn't mean just sex or lost interest beyond sex.

Reb24, I know it's so hard to not call when you really like someone but I think in general, men like to do the chasing. He has your number and he knows where you are and if he really cares for you he will get in touch.

x

Especially if he isn't getting any from anyone else.













God, I'm cynical!

again thanks for the advice, i wonder if it would be smart for me to just talk to him about it? Seeing how i am the one who has been calling i didn't want to have the talk yet and seem even more desperate and pathetic but i do wish i could just talk to him about it? Oh well, i think i will just sit back and see what happens, i have called him not everyday or anything but a few times a week so maybe he just has not felt the need to call me or ask me out cause i beat him to the punch and he really means all that he says, if so i will hear from him soon and i think if i do then the next date sex won't be there and then i will really see what is going on???

Oh my God. You sound just like me. I analyse things like that and torture myself for hours over men's behaviour. When I hear somebody else doing it, it puts things in perspective.

Please try not to dwell on it too much and don't make excuses for him. And don't call him anymore!

Be strong!!!

x

Reb--

Welcome to A2K.

You're recovering from a bad marriage. You've already had one relationship with a guy who wanted a mattress. If you enjoy this new guy's company in and out of bed, great. If you want something more, start letting him make the moves.

Recovery from a bad marriage takes about two years--don't complicate your healing by jumping into a doomed relationship just because you need a man to feel attractive.

ya'll are wonderful and i am thankful to you all for the advice, it helps just to be able to talk about things!

Reb--

You're welcome. Stick around, explore and chat.

We are new too and we also want to welcome you...
Hi Reb24

We are new in this forum too and we also want to welcome you... We've been reading the interaction on the issue.

We are a bit conservative and we still feel that guys should take the first move... and let them reveal to you their intentions..

Relationship building take time and in time, intentions surface...

TedChris

thank you!!! and i do have a little more info. He has called, when i stopped he did start but still not much phone conversation and only two phone calls so not alot there and he didn't ask me out however he did hint around but never ask and i didn't chime in and say well lets make plans cause i am trying to stay strong but i did get some more back story on him from a friend so here goes......he has one child which i have met and she is 12, he lived with the mother and she just came home one day and told him she had someone new and to get out. Then a few years later he married and it was a bad marriage and people say it was the wifes doing so he has had some bad relationships and i was told that he didn't date much and stuff just because of feeling so burned by women and also a factor is he does own his own buisness and it is very demanding and he does have to work alot and does get called into work alot so he works all hours and sometimes with very little notice so it is hard to make plans for anything, not just me so what thoughts from that??? Okay maybe i am grasping for anything here but still being strong. I just really do like him lots.

Take more time for yourself and try it alone for awhile. It sure sounds as though you are plunging in FAR too fast...faster than it takes your heart to heal. The dead giveaway is your focusing on HIS hurt...HIS being burned...what HE is going through and explanations for HIS reticence. Heal yourself first. I see nowhere mentioned about the time you're taking to get YOUR heart and HEAD straight. You're ego has been bruised by a failed marriage and his could be permanently damaged, even. Is that whom you want to trust your happiness with?

Give yourself the proper time to heal. It's not easy and far more painful to take the time right now but being alone is not a bad thing for a while and should not be the same thing as feeling lonely.

Being alone can be a strengthening experience ..and can make the foundation of a real longlasting long-term relationship much more solid. You don't want to repeat the same sadness over and over, do you? He's not a good candidate right now for a solid long term relationship and neither are you...from your own words.