THE BRITISH THREAD

Who could refuse such a wonderful offer!

It sounds very Alan Partridge to me.

A - HA!

Mathos wrote-



WHAT!

Bloody Hell, spends!

That woke you up...

...not like you to use big and bold letters.

(Y'alright chuck?)

x

Stand back!

I've just had a profound thought...

Why do they call it a pair of knickers when it is only one item?

Yeah? Come one? You so-called experts!

...and were they intelligently designed?

Or, are knickers a Zionist conspiracy?

x

What are knickers?

I hate being called "Chuck". It's bloody patronising.

I save my use of large letters for when a real need arises as it did with Mathos's patently ridiculous statement. It gets to be a cliche otherwise and the effect is diminished.

He must not have liked my little essay on sadism. Aaaaaah!

What can I do about the truth? It stands on its own hindlegs. I might elaborate on it sometime if ever I judge attention spans to have broken through the millisecond barrier.

From a Nietzschean perspective?

If no-one sees you put your knickers on - do the knickers still exist?

x

Reminds me of a very funny moment. I was leaving a club with a group of friends. One of the girls was wearing a fur coat, which she'd just picked up from the cloakroom.

As she put it on, I made reference to the old "fur coat and no knickers" phrase at which point she turned and asked "how do you know I'm not wearing knickers?".

My answer "I didn't...but I do now" at which point she almost blushed - not from the lack of underwear but rather from being caught out!

KP

naughty naughty KP

I've another question.....

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta at the same time, would you still be hungry?

When pasta and anti pasta meet, the stomach explodes. haven't you read Angels and Demons??

oh, that was abt matter not pasta....

oops

sorry

suspendy wrote:



How can you say that to me?

You are dead mean sometimes, spendy!

I couldn't patronise anyone - I simply don't know how.

I use the term because it is an expression we use everyday in Manchester - as well you know, you watch enough Coronation Street!

It is not 'put on' or contrived... it's the way I speak, so it's the way I type, too common for you?

I was merely asking after your general health and well being...

x

I love pasta


(oops, wrong thread)


x

Well, lovely girl, I've just finished making pasta meatballs al forno, am preparing some garlic bread and will be scoffing it in about an hour or so, as Arsenal start their match against CKSA Moscow. You're welcome to come and share some if you want.

Don't y'all think the Brit thread is becoming a bit clicky?

Maybe we should hold an open day or summat?

It's a 'water-cooler' thread, we just gather around and murmer about nothing in particular...

Still, I quite like it...

x

Just the way you like me!

Well since you called it "The British Thead" did you not intend it to be cliquey! (with apologies for posh spelling)

No, I don't think it is, unless you count you and his lordship as a clique of two.

smorgsie wrote-



I don't watch Corrie that much. I keep half an eye on what scriptwriters are up to in that and one or two others. I do it to dig the drift.

There is no script in sport.

But I don't think any of them use that word except possibly very occasionally. I have consulted a Corrie afficionado and am told it is never used.

It has that chucking under the chin and "there,there little man diddums want to get his little rocksies off, tittertitter" aspect to it. It's patronising alright my leetle chucklecherryblossom. Goodstyle.

Hey- isn't this thread getting naughty. Jeeps- it's got the fur coat and no knickers joke on and you can't get naughtier than that now can you? My Mum told me that when I was five and she was hardly cutting edge naughty.

KP- she probably had 'em off because she hadn't held them far enough out of the way when she was carred over the pan with the squitters squirting. If she "almost blushed" it couldn't have been that three members of the Lancashire Fuseliers had torn them to shreds.

Is there an air refresh spray in the Jobcentre latrine for senior staff?

One might well expect Spendi to resort to the knicker joke tactics of an adolescent!


It's high time you grew up mate, your going to have that pompous cockney getting carried away with his little black book of knicker jokes and all hell will break loose.


If your stooping to levels of insanity by feasting on Coronation Street and such pathetic tripe of third, fourth, fifth, sixth level entertainment you really do need a holiday.


Get ready for the Man U game later this evening, stick a few quid on 'em for a convincing win! It makes the game more interesting and nobody really knows the outcome until the final whistle blows.

I drove to Delph today, it was nice upon the moors for a while, I stopped by an ice cream van, the lady serving ice cream having no customers walked over to me whilst I was having a fag and enjoying the fresh air and view.

'Nice car you have' she said.

'Its ok,' I replied.

'Do you want to buy some crack?' she asked me.

'No thanks love, I don't use it.' I answered.

'Want to try a bit on the house?' she smiled as she asked this one.

She wasn't exactly a looker, or young about 40 roughly I would have thought.

I looked at her and said 'Your off your bloody trolly asking questions like that to someone you don't know.'

'I'm skint!' she said, 'What about a good fake Rolex £50..00?'

I finished my fag and walked to my car, I turned to her and asked, 'What about a rifle or a few grenades?'

'Your bloody mad you' was her reply.

So I drove off and left her thinking.