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THE BRITISH THREAD

 
 
McTag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2007 03:20 pm
Spendy wrote

"There is an institutional definition of art by which the only common feature defining objects as art is that they are recognised as such by certain institutions. "

That reminds me of a £20 note which is only a piece of coloured paper, but has a value assigned to it by agreement of participating parties.

And it says on it "I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of £20"

So I think modern BritArt should have a label on it to the effect "I promise to deliver to the bearer on demand some art"
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2007 03:38 pm
You took the words out of my mouth, McT, with your post on the previous page.

Holbein, Rembrandt, Whistler, Boticelli etc etc....., if they were alive today, could produce very similar works of modern "art" provided they were supplied with a protractor, a set square, a compass and a basic set of paints and brushes.

Even I'm sure I could turn out a similar masterpiece, given enough ale.

These works of modern "art" would then only require a snazzy title, a catchy "concept" to "explain" the work, and a good PR person to make sure that the right people got to hear that particular sales pitch.

If the sales pitch and publicity were good enough, the con has been successful.

However, turning the whole thing around....the likelihood that any of the Turner Prize nominees would have the ability and talent to turn out something like this....

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b358/lordellpus/Marial.jpg

Is slim, to say the least....and that's being very charitable.

It may be the case that the lady in the painting looks like she's chewing a wasp, but just the stunning detail in the dress would have me standing in front of this work of art and studying it for ages, just wondering how the feck the artist managed to capture it all so perfectly.

Ms Abts paintings, however, would probably only receive a passing glance from me.
They would look pleasant enough if they matched some corporate decor in the lobby of a swish new building, but I don't think for one minute that this type of "art" should be considered for any sort of prize.


Just my opinion, of course.

The other thing that I always wonder, is just how many people in the "arty" world think the same way, but don't say anything for fear of being branded a philistine by their colleagues and associates?


Signed
Phil E. Stine.
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2007 04:30 pm
Anybody watching Dawn of the Dead?

x
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gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2007 04:31 pm
I'm living it.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2007 04:33 pm
The Turner Prize itself would qualify as art under Andy Warhol's definition.

There was once no Turner Prize and then there was.

I've just spent a very pleasant half-hour soaking in a hot bath (no additives) amusing myself starting the Turner Prize off on the back of an envelope with a pal in a pub having been inspired with some stray bit of information, a few pints and fertile and devious imagination and going right through to the piss-up at the presentation of the loot which is , as one might expect, tax allowable, as would be all the other expenses incurred. Tickets by invitation which are dangerous to refuse when offered.

The lady at the microphone might be a pretty good picture. Bit tricky producing that eh? Out of nowhere.

Is a Test Match a ballet? Sadlers Wells/The Coliseum.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2007 06:17 pm
One might drive through any reasonably posh (beta minus shading upwards) suburban avenue at 29 mph and pass, within a period of one minute, roughly, whilst listening to an advert for how to make a third party's pips squeak, £100 million's worth of real estate which represents 1000 times the value of the First Prize in the Turner whizzbanger and not even notice.

In the districts where those intimately connected with the Turner Prize spend their downtime this figure is, of course, considered a trifle naff and reflecting a lower order of humanity if not a distinct species.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2007 06:39 pm
Mac wrote-

Quote:
That reminds me of a £20 note which is only a piece of coloured paper, but has a value assigned to it by agreement of participating parties.


That reminds me of when I was once offered a large hold-all stuffed with Nigerian currency notes for £50 by a soldier of fortune.

As you would expect I bought them and subsequently sold them for £200 to a Grauniad reader who had a fancy for papering his bedroom with them. They were the genuine thing having been run off by the Royal Mint on a contract from the then Nigerian Government which has since been replaced.

I must confess that I didn't include these transactions in my annual declarations to the Inland Revenue which is an act I am deeply ashamed of and will regret unto my dying day.
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 01:20 am
...well you have now!

And you've got 'till Wednesday to make it official.

Of course, they'll on strike, so maybe you will be excused.

x
0 Replies
 
the prince
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 02:37 am
smorgy !! Great news abt the house !! Does it havespace for a HUGE bed ??
0 Replies
 
McTag
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 02:57 am
Lord Ellpy, I didn't fancy the tart in the frock much.

Hey I did a thoughtful post here yesterday all about modern art and the bloody programme swallowed it up never to be seen again.

I Don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have the recipe again....

Oh no......
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 07:03 am
Andy Warhol produced a "work" called Piss Art. A subtle blend of paint and urine.

That sums up a lot of stuff that passes for art these days. Its clearly too much money chasing not enough really good pieces. Having said that was taken aback recently by a friend showing me his original Mattisse (s).

(He likes art)
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 07:21 am
Just got this by email:

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

30-ish - 39
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime?= I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner?= I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 07:26 am
smorgs wrote:
And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.


Laughing
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 07:55 am
And then you express surprise at my choice of lifestyle.

Women are no longer worth bothering with just for a momen't glory.

Two surveys I saw.

Sex is once a week once the honeymoon is over fading to once a month in fairly short order and confined to anniversaries etc when treats have been purchased thereafter.

Sex lasts 7 and a half minutes in the UK and 7 minutes in the US.

And conversation is abysmal.
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 07:56 am
You could try talking to them! :wink:
0 Replies
 
the prince
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 08:03 am
msolga wrote:
You could try talking to them! :wink:


Difficult when you have a mouthful Twisted Evil
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 08:17 am
Seven and a half minutes?

Bloody hell....it takes me longer than that to remove the cork from the Veuve Clicquot and unscrew the top from the tube of massage cream.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 08:44 am
You're obviously a very exceptional person Ellpus and surveys tend to concentrate on the mean.

msolga- did you not see my report last week on talking to three in the pub for nearly two hours?

Feminists have run you women off a cliff I'm afraid in order that a small number could become famous.
0 Replies
 
McTag
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 11:38 am
That was a funny one, Smorgs. I shared it with a few more people.
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Jan, 2007 11:50 am
Can't take credit Mac, but just for the record, my advert would read:

40-ish, beautiful, feminist, free spirit, new age, passionate, voluptuous woman, seeks soulmate for country walks, chips in bed, travel and adventure. No timewasters, must love dogs.

Any takers?

x
0 Replies
 
 

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