THE BRITISH THREAD

Queenie-

What's this essay about?

And what does the winning entry to the Gordon's Promotion Drive look like?

Tell us about it.

I'm not bad at dreaming up convoluted theories which find something in anything and which might astound your tutor enough to give you an A++ on the grounds that he daren't give you anything else in case when you become famous you might throw the C-- back at him to show what an idiot he is which his bothering about the Gordon's Gin Promotion Drive rather than, say, the Artsworld programme about Picasso the other night suggests he is.

I had a number of arguments in the pub with old-fashioned geezers who think there's a cart going through a ford in Flatford Mill (?) up on the wall over the vanity mirror who all rubbished the unmade bed and the lightbulb thing. It was four on one. They said I was crazy.... I said it wasn't me that was crazy but the subject we were arguing over. That modern life is crazy, as they were always saying after watching the telly, and thus one would expect the contemporary arts to reflect that.

The ironic thing was that it's four on one when I argue that modern life is ace precisely because it's crazy and if they want to try Flatford Mill they should start getting a taste for raw turnips for breakfast, brunch and dinner.

Like Bob said-

"It's only people's games you gotta dodge"

Thanks Bob. That simplified a few things.

The main thing is to astound him.

That sounds great smorgsie.

And it will be even better than it actually is because of the trials you have so stoically endured.

I hope it's fixed because eloping to Old Amersham with Ellpus will probably have you begging for your old place back.

I always think that Civil Servants ought rightly to live in the better accomodations. They have a lot to put up with and they are not properly rewarded for the wonderfully efficient work they do on behalf of the rest of us.

When's the housewarming?

Sarah, your post has made my day!

If there's anyone here that deserves a bit of good karma, it's you.


Sounds like some of it has brushed off on Bumble as well, that lucky dog.

Brilliant!

Mac wrote-



I don't "eagerly await" anything. It distracts one so don't you think. I did once eagerly await a hot bath after I had spent a night in a snowbound bus-shelter up on bloody Brecon bloody Beacons. That was forgiveable.

Think of the money I have saved you. You'll be able to go to the pub more often with that to get it back to Mr Brown quicker so he can send it round again quicker. It takes ages to get it back from "the world" and we have to send them something in return. So we end up working harder and not going to the pub so often. If that's not lose/lose I don't know what is.

Have you thought of an allotment. You could grow your own pristine veggies and meet those ladies who are good at making jam and pies and things and some of them are widows, due to so many men being cut down in their prime by overwork and stress, with a tidy sum set aside from which they draw a satisfactory income.

Bowling is quite good too I'm told. At the posher clubs they wear strarched white uniforms. Think of that Mac.


What you want Mac is an allotment.

Bloody hell, sussy...

Have you gone mental?

Please get back to normal ASAP - I can't cope with such a post from you. But thank you anyway, I'm sure it's sincere.

As for a housewarming - you're all invited! Bring a bottle (or two)

Besides, they would probably not let me in a place like Amersham, with my credentials.

On strike on Wednesday... voted no, but can't cross a picket...

Thanks, Ellpus! I'll take photos tomorrow and post them.

x

So Sarah's near the Mer-sey
'cause this house's the place she loves
and here she'll stay...............



(I hope the house has a heating system that'll boil you to buggery, if so desired)

Don't do that mac, they are hot-beds of sedition!

We used to have an allotment once...

I would sit on an old armchair doing my nails (acetone attracts wasps btw, but you 'speed-dry' your nails with all that flapping and hysteria) while my insignificant other lent on a hoe speaking a foreign lauguage to the weathered 'plotter' next door. Occasionally, I would hear the odd word of English...like 'onions'.

I once entered the annual show, the 'four courgettes on a plain white plate' getegory, decided to enter them 'en fleur' to show my level of sophistication... stayed up the night before polishing them with Pledge, and erasing evidence of any soil with cotton buds. Stored them in the fridge and screamed "watch me courgettes" anytime anyone dared make a brew.

When we were allowed in after judging, mine had been disqualitfied for being 'un-trimmed'!

I never forgave them! Spent the rest of the day in a sulk, sneering at the other entries, especially the jams.

x

Vegetables from allotments? Did you hear Sandy Toskvig this week on the radio; she said you could tell which class people belong to by means of an aubergine.

A lower class person would say: "What the hell's that?"

A middle class person: "I could make that into a nice ratatouille".

An upper class person: "I could incorporate that into my lovemaking".

I call them eggplants...

What class does that put me in?

As for love making... I would take nothing less than a large marrow into my boudoir!

x

Good news, smorgs. Thrilled for you.

As for aubergines, I prefer "imam bayildi" myself. I can understand why the imam fainted (which is what it means)...that stuff is so delicious!

I make imam bayildi regularly, I thought it was the imam fell down? Have you made it? Has pine nuts in it...yummy with warm flat bread and salad shirazi.

x

Great news about the house, Smorgs...I hope it all goes through okay.

As far as the neighbour wanting more children around....he can have some of the blighters from round here.

Bon voyage to you and the canaries tomorrow.

Hey did you see Spendy edited out my smilies....the cheek of the man.

Has PQ got enough ideas for her essay yet? There is a cart in the ford at Flatford Mill....oh no, that's The Hay Wain I bet. Or is it all the same picture?

Emoticon

:wink: It was The Haywain, suspendy was referring to

x

I was wondering if Flatford Mill was a different Constable picture. Probably not.

Haywain? You can get a Wainwright as well as a Cartwright.

I love the surname-occupation game.

Does everyone know what a Fletcher did? Or a Pargetter? Mercer?

Arrows for Fletcher.....and they do a hell of a lot of pargetting up in North Essex. All those weird patterns on plaster/rendering, isn't it?

I have a friend who's surname is Barrell.

His dad always pronounced it barrell, as in beer, but my mate's snobbish older brother now pronounces it B'rell.

Bit like bucket and bouquet, I suppose.

Using a dictionary: yes. :wink:

Father-in-law was one of the last (in Solingen) to make a three years apprenticeship as "sword brusher".

You are right, milord. It's amazing how many surnames you can get from (old) occupations

Farmer, Groom, Shepherd, Grieve
Skinner, Tanner, Sadler, Cooper
Fisher, Smith, Cook, Gardener
Thatcher, Joyner, Waller, Carpenter
Taylor, Weaver, Carver, Mason
Clark, Scrivener, Sawyer, Planer
Driver, Millward, Turner, Coleman
Plater, Potter, Merchant, Ivory

No I made that one up

Morgan probably means Brothel Keeper or swine herder, knowing my luck.

x

smorgsie wrote-



That is because untrimmed courgettes both scratch and tickle and are considered much too stimulating for the "lie back and think of England brigade" who use them for cooking.

I'm surprised they didn't order you off the premises.

Mac wrote-



I wasn't aware of actually editing. I didn't think they copied and pasted.
I regret any inconvenience you have been caused.



There you go. I copied and pasted that crowd of them.

You missed Rawbottom and Cockburn and a constellation of others which will now no doubt make an appearence.