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THE BRITISH THREAD

 
 
kitchenpete
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 04:12 am
Lord Ellpus wrote:
Posting, of course!

I know what you were thinking....

Smorgs is not that sort of girl.


I have the slap marks to prove it.


Shocked Are you calling smorgs a slapper? Shocked

[run for cover!]

Pleased about the Arsenal result Cool
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 04:16 am
KP, you are going to be in big trouble when she arrives. She'll no doubt want to spank you.

I'm therefore making an offer, that I am willing to take your punishment for a modest amount of money.






























How much do you want?
0 Replies
 
the prince
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 05:05 am
Lord Ellpus wrote:

How much do you want?


Just the pleasure of watching
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 05:07 am
I got locked out of a2k for 24 hours (nothing I did honest) so have had a few pages to read... Shocked

I think Spendy you are far too honest and intelligent for your own good sometimes. Did you buy Utd at 1.8 goals? I've forgotten how spread betting works...probably a good thing.

Ferguson said they could have scored 10. Brilliant performance by Saha, thoroughly entertaining match, made even more enjoyable by the excited Arabic speaking match commentator on the tv.

I said why dont we listen to the 5 live commentary. But it was about 5 seconds ahead of the picture which has to go from Manchester to outer space back to Morrocco back to space, waits awhile there, then to my local pub.

The miracle of modern communications.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 05:57 am
Steve wrote-

Quote:
Did you buy Utd at 1.8 goals?


Yes. I lost 0.8 of a point (£30). Thus 0.8 x 30 quids =£24.

I'm disgusted. I should have won at least £150. I was robbed.

But it sure was exciting. I don't know what you see in it without money on.

It's just a bunch of rate-busters chasing a ball about for commercial reasons.

Cricket is the real game.

We have cricket and football and the Yanks have a form of football (rugby with the forward pass) and baseball.

If a cricketer or a footballer comes in a pub you can't tell from looking at him that he does those things. But if an American footballer or baseball player comes in (aside from pitcher) you could tell. Our sportsmen, apart from rugby) are average sized people in the main but Yanks seem to have to be big. I'd bet that a top Yank footballer or baseball player wouldn't last 10 minutes in a match like that last night. And scoring a century against any test-match side would be out of the question.

What do you think?

Why does Ellpus think there is something clever about sex? It's proof in my mind that he's a misogynist. Anybody who takes women seriously is extremely wary of their temptations and dangers. Ulysses had himself tied to the bloody mast for gawd's sake and he was hardly a Nancy.

Do you think his simple flatteries ruin it for the rest of us by giving ladies the impression that we are sitting ducks completely hypnotised by their shop-bought allurements.
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 06:04 am
the prince wrote:
Lord Ellpus wrote:

How much do you want?


Just the pleasure of watching


£5 per ticket, night vision goggles included.
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 06:15 am
spendius wrote:

What do you think?

Why does Ellpus think there is something clever about sex? It's proof in my mind that he's a misogynist. Anybody who takes women seriously is extremely wary of their temptations and dangers. Ulysses had himself tied to the bloody mast for gawd's sake and he was hardly a Nancy.

Do you think his simple flatteries ruin it for the rest of us by giving ladies the impression that we are sitting ducks completely hypnotised by their shop-bought allurements.
What do I think? I think I'm giving this the widest of wide berths Laughing
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:00 am
Oh dear!

Better get yourself a Black and Decker Workmate and show your young male students the variations which can be played on it. Prepare them for their future so to speak as cringing, crawling, fawning, truckling flunkeys with heavy debts.

A good looking bloke arrived in the pub one night a few months back. He sat in a corner staring at his mobile phone for about three weeks before I managed to draw him into the conversation. He had just got divorced and was being wrung out. It turned out he was a Shakespeare lover, had a decent job and was a sports fan. He joined the group.

Then one night he showed up with a quite posh floozie. A month later he was on holiday with her in Egypt (can you believe?) . Then she blew. More staring at the phone screen. Then he blew. Then a bloke came in looking for him. He hadn't paid his rent for two months. Nobody has seen him since. Six months-start to finish. I loaned him my paperback Frank Harris which has gone on the pyre of her charms. She told me she was a Financial Co-ordinator which caused beer froth to be sprayed about.

A sad tale indeed. And only one of many. It's actually killed three I've known. Oh for a momen't glory as Dylan has it.

Look at Sir Cliff Richard. Now there's a lad to follow. Using objective, scientific observation as a guide as I always do.
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:07 am
kitchenpete wrote:

Quote:
Are you calling smorgs a slapper?


Do you mean a strong, assertive, sexual, loyal, confident, working class woman of a certain age with a big gob and not afraid to use it?

Then yes, I am a slapper and proud!

suspendy wrote;

Quote:
Do you think his simple flatteries ruin it for the rest of us by giving ladies the impression that we are sitting ducks completely hypnotised by their shop-bought allurements.


Pissed myself laughing at that one suspendy.

let's get the thread back on track.

It's only a bloke with a keyboard...

Still no sign of the Libyan?

x
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:16 am
The acts with the most aggregate time spent on the British record charts: Current rankings:

Elvis Presley (2,574 weeks)
Cliff Richard (1,982)
Queen (1,755)
The Beatles (1,749)
Madonna (1,660)
Elton John (1,626)
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:20 am
smorgsy wrote-

Quote:
let's get the thread back on track.


What track is that? Sir Cliff is as British as British gets.

How about Benny Hill?
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:21 am
I really like some Riff pilchard, though I would never admit so in polite company...

Favourite song:

Some People

Some people are born for each other
They love to walk, holding the other one's hand
They always understand


I'm singing...

x
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:46 am
Not as British as Queen. Or more precisely Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth the Second, who is of course German.
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:49 am
yeah, when did they change their name? I can't remember... was it from hapsberg/battenburg?

x
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:49 am
smorgs wrote:
I really like some Riff pilchard, though I would never admit so in polite company...

Favourite song:

Some People

Some people are born for each other
They love to walk, holding the other one's hand
They always understand


I'm singing...

x
we're all suff-rin from a ...summer holiday
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 07:53 am
Feels like the summer's over...

It's raining here (well it is Manchester)

I had a very 'significant' summer, my life changed completely this summer...

x
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 08:02 am
smorgs wrote:
yeah, when did they change their name? I can't remember... was it from hapsberg/battenburg?

x
Just off the top of my head they changed from Saxe-Coberg Gotha to Windsor during WW1. This at a time you may recall that we were in a certain dispute with Germany and Gotha bombers were actually dropping bombs on London. The government was also looking anxiously towards the fate of the King's cousin in Russia Tzar Nicholas who was having some trouble of his own with the Bolshevikiis.

Therefore, in a stroke of genius, they told the royals to become British if not Englishness epitomised, by calling themselves after one of their castles in Berkshire.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 08:10 am
The English Way and Purpose.
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 08:22 am
smorgs wrote:
Feels like the summer's over...

It's raining here (well it is Manchester)

I had a very 'significant' summer, my life changed completely this summer...

x
Congratulations...er hope thats in order.

Whereabouts in manchester is your place of "work"...ok dont say if its top secret. I lived with my parents in Hazel Grove. Went to school in Macclesfield.
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Sep, 2006 08:33 am
I can't say...

But it is considered one of the more 'up-market' Jobcentre's.

I used to work in a rough inner-city one, but I've seen more incidents at this one. The middle classes don't have the patience of the plebs...

I laugh my head off every working day - so it's not too bad. I had a claim form given to me this morning that was covered in curry sauce! I gave him a fresh one and enquired as to how the original got in such a state, he said "We had no mats and it was a new coffee table". See what I mean?

x
0 Replies
 
 

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