THE BRITISH THREAD

We had a good laugh in the pub tonight.

We were discussing the smoking ban coming in on July 1st next in pubs.

Obviously, it didn't take long for it to become apparent that it is just another job creation scheme like Jobcentres.

The idea that it is to save lives when the Government (us) are a fully paid up member of a coalition bombing hundreds of thousands of Iraqi men, women,children, dog, cats, hamsters and goldfish out of house, home and in many cases skins can only mean that our lives are more sacred than those of the people of Iraq and if that isn't institutionalised racism I don't what is.

It can't be that because the Government are not racist.

It follows, inexorably, that, as the Goverment has no interest in saving a few lives of victims of passive smoking, assuming the ban will, which some doubt, because it would have to admit to being racist and putting a higher value on our lives over that of Iraqi children there must be another reason.

Exensions to pubs under planning guidelines would create jobs for local government officials, appeals tribunals and construction workers and suppliers. To name a few. Writers of editorials say.

As nobody is going to stand boozing in a construction which allows sleet and hail to pass through at 40 mph at an angle of 10 degees to the horizontal, and pay over £2 a pint, these constructions are going to be "comfortable" and, as non-smokers are the most boring people the world has ever seen, those new constructions will be where the action is and the pristine environment of the non-smoking areas, assuming no pollonium 210, will be reserved for those who take turns to talk and pretend to listen to descriptions of mundane daily doings and will die out in a manner too boring to discuss in such a short post as this is is intended to be.

Those who had an emotional freakout at the idea that Jobcentres are not simply job creation schemes for the staff of Jobcentres are likely to be those trying to pretend that their own jobs are not in a similar category which is too naive an idea for my mates to even try to think about.

You only have to consider how many jobs would be lost if nobody ever had a shunt on the motorway or had their car stolen or broken into. And the price of Norwich Union shares, which most pension schemes have in their portfolios, has to be taken into account as well.

Away to the airport shortly.
McT, sorry to hear that - but I DO know how such can happen. (More in the afternoon today.)

Mornin' everyone!

Including you, spends! Enough with the Jobcentre stuff now - it's getting boring.

Besides, it's called JobcentrePlus now.

...and that's loads better then saying "Salford Social Security Sarah speaking" - that was always too many S's for me, especially first thing in the morning...

x

Morning all and especially McT and FionaB.

Didnt appreciate the seriousness of the incident yesterday...
read your post late at night and after a beer or so





Sincerely hope you are not too shaken and feel up to coming across later..

S

Picked Walter up at the station from the airport... at 07.15. Things fine this end.

You know Spendi, you write with literary spleandour when your kicking all the way from Barnsley and under the influence of alcohol.


Is it possible you could be fooling all of us, sat at home all day on the sofa with the telly on, boozing seven nights a week.?

Maybe your simply grumpy because your pub is not going to allow you to smoke and it's probably on the hit list for being shut down and turned into a small hostel for the anticipated influx of working immigrants.

They intend doing that with a few of them I understand, leave the pool tables in, a big flash lounge for them to keep warm in, sounds a good sensible idea to me.

There is a flash pub up the road from me, in the late seventies and most of the 80's it was a gold mine. Now, they stick a few dead bodies in at night to make it look busy. I never go near it. A mate of mine who boozes there regular with the corpses, asked me to buy it earlier this year.

That would have been silly.

When they board it up, and they will, I'll be first in the queue to get it at a knock down price. Then I'll make a nice little earner out of it.

What you like at cooking breakfasts and making beds, cleaning the rooms and corridors, there could be a job in line for you here mate?

Ms smorgs wrote-



I wouldn't wish, and nor do I have the inclination, to designate your stuff "boring" mainly because I am too well brought up but also because it would suggest that I was trying to determine the content of the thread.

But thanks all the same for the permission you grant me for doing so should I ever feel like it which is most unlikely as I never find anything boring. Unless, of course, saying such things is a privilege confined to yourself alone or to your faithful courtiers.

Actually, I find the idea, that in our most successful economy the bulk of occupations are easily conceived as a socially acceptable form of what Mrs Thatcher referred to as "treatment in the community" to be of great interest and I'm surprised that anyone should think otherwise. It fascinates me no end.

I have spent the last hour preparing one of my most delicious soups and I do know that that is nowhere near as interesting as my going to an airport would be so I will refrain from describing the magical process which brings it about. I'm sure such a description would bore you to tears as it hardly compares to my telling you about my scranning down a tuna sandwich which I can't do as I never eat such shite.

You should have sympathy with people who suffer under such handicaps and who don't lead the extremely interesting life you lot all seem to do.

Spendi, for some reason I've thought about a guy I know. He won't drink tap water, only bottled as he takes huge care of his diet. Only thing is he smokes 20 cigarettes a day.

As a non-smoker and one of the most boring people the world has ever seen, I'd gladly follow a bowl of your delicious soup with a tuna sandwich.

suspendy wrote



Well the Jobcentre digs may be of interest to others. But I am expressing a personal opinion, and to me it is boring.

You have already had your dig at my job and my status, so why repeat yourself? It's not as if your opinion matters to me - it doesn't, it's just a waste of eyeball time! Especially since it's been suggested on here that you are from a priveleged background, I should have known, I bet I was grafting through a forty hour week on a pittance, before you had finished your degree.

No wonder you had time to do all that book learning.

Good job you don't have vertigo, sneering from a lofty height as you do.

Is your knicker fetish to do with your Nanny?

x

Tarah-

I have never drunk bottled water unless you count those empty wine bottles we used to carry water to a picnic in.

I do take some care over my diet.

I don't ingest anything deriving from an animal or from the palm tree. I prefer most those things which want us to eat them like peaches. It's an evolved strategy of the peach species to have it's offspring removed from its immediate vicinity but don't try it because it's painful.

I have a theory, which you may have heard of; you are what you eat. So I am more like a peach than the growling, mooing, bleating, grunting beasts. I don't know about Tuna though. It has such a foul taste. And it's been through a bit of a journey before it gets to your plate and such journeys are quite natural to a peach ( it's going for glory) but not, I think, to a tuna.

I also smoke a number of cigarettes but I roll them myself using the world famous Golden Virginia product which is probably why I'm at least half American and if I wasn't so lazy I might be heading your way. Wisconsin probably.

You can see from the thread that I'm not all Brit.

Hope your car and your collective nerves are well recovered since your drizzly accident, McT. I hate driving at night or in bad conditions on motorways because people go far too fast; when I'm driving on those chevrons on the road, to show the distance apart you should go, people inevitably pull out in front of me!

Happy weekend, everyone.

Ms smorgs-

You make rather a lot of assumptions in your latest communication which can be read right round the world.

We all come from a privileged background. I was running around the desert at 120+ when you were still sucking lollipops. It's a privilege to be British. When you think what you might have been.

I feel sure that my knicker fetish, if I have such a thing to a point more excessive than the usual, derives more from events which took place after I ceased to find the female sex repellant as I had hithertofore done.

Possibly all those ugly aunties having to be kissed everytime they inflicted themselves upon us caused that although I also found little girls to be particularly distressing as well. Awkward little sulky tale-tellers who couldn't play at cricket. Grassers. Like on Corrie.

I can't see it deriving from any nannies I may or may not have had.

I certainly never thought for a moment that the female characters in the comics and cartoons and books I saw actually wore such things as knickers and that would be up to about 15 so I couldn't have had a knicker fetish at that time now could I. We never had any sex lessons. I suppose the priests found it a difficult subject to explain unlike these young teachers they have now.

They were called bloomers anyway. And unmentionables.

Why choose knickers. You seem to have honed in on knickers out of the wide range of words in current use to describe these items.

Hello Clary.

Happy weekend to you too.

You should have more patience when you are driving. Some people are in a hurry and there are a few who love to pull into the space a lady driver has allowed between the chevrons and then watching her have a rant in the rear viewer and a tut-tutting session.

Needless to say I'm not like that myself.

I drive very little these days but I do know how tiresome other drivers can be. Just remember that they can't help it.

I would be two chevrons behind staring at your mirror trying to catch your eye and getting you to pull into the next service area for a coffee.

What a weirdo!

Back in the real world...

McT and Fiona B - very sorry to hear about your accident. I'm glad to hear you are OK but must be a bit shocked.

If you think people drive close together in the UK, then don't ever think of driving here in Prague. One car's length seems a rule of thumb and, if you don't actually need to be giving forward force, why not stick it in neutral and remove all chance of "engine braking", while you're about it.

Glad to be coming home next summer.

And VERY glad that Arsenal won 3-0 against a very poor Spurs.

spendy wrote:



I didn't have a lollipop 'till I was 22. Then I bought one with my earnings as a stripper in working men's clubs. I bought a lollipop and two pairs of knickers...

A girl can't have too many kecks.

x

I would never think of driving in Prague how ever far apart they drive from each other.

One does wonder what this means though-

Plus the rolling eyes think which doesn't copy

Aside from the fact that 5-year olds use such expressions I suppose it can only mean that unless you are like the asserter of it you're a wierdo too.

Could even be a compliment.

I hope it was addressed to me.

Clary, I quite agree with you about chevrons.

If we kept the correct stopping distance between us and the car in front, we'd have to drive backwards.

Perhaps Clary might be good at that.

I came across a limerick which I thought Mathos might enjoy-

There was a keen climber called Sykes
Who goes scrambling through ditches and dykes
To skate on his scalp
Down the side of an alp
Is the kind of diversion he likes.

Stripper too eh smorgsi.. didn't you feel the draughts?

Spendi

You haven't half been opening up this last 24 hours or so!

If smorgsi was at the baby stage when you were sunning yourself in the desert, you must be getting on for 80?

Thats a pity, I couldn't see myself smacking an 80 year old dodderer!

What about the monks eh, and the education... Good with their hands them monks I'm led to believe, where you Friar Phucks favourite?

There was a young fella named spendi
The monks teaching him all were quite randy
He had a sore bum
So he ran to his mum
And she taught him a song for assembly:-

___________________________________

Once upon a time
When birds **** lime
And monkey's chewed tabacker
Little Spendi run
With his finger up his bum
To see what was the matter!