THE BRITISH THREAD

Who said anything about Ms smorgs being at the "baby stage".

You should try to remember that things are sometimes written with more care than you are obviously used to.

And also that things written in the newspapers are unusual things selected by editors to titillate the synapses of those who are titillated by such things.

The target audience thing.

There was an old duffer called Mathos
Who ran round the room going tosstoss
His old Auntie Clare
With a fearsome glare
Said, "Mathos! That looks like a cashloss."

Don't contradict and assert Spendi..

You made clear comment that smorgsi would have been sucking a lollipop whilst you were serving in the desert. Now you could call a bucket of sand in your back yard a desert, if you have an exemplary imagination. I could make the top bunk Flash Gordons spaceship when I was a kid. It could turn into Captain Nemo's Nautilis or Douglas Bader's Spitfire. So we don't have to take your implications with too much seriousness: Do we?

I mean to say, them randy old friars chasing you round with the index finger lubed up must have been quite daunting to a young innocent lad, like yourself.

Have you ever considered pressing charges? You can you know, the RC Church is paying out millions to keep it hushed up. I know a good brief who could act for you, he's bloody good too.

How old are you anyhow? Is it a 'State Secret' like the funny desire you have obviously been nurturing to control the threads with impunity.

Is that what leads to the tantrums, when your being shat on over in the ID yard?

My, my, my said The Spider to the Fly.

Tell me, do you have the feeling that your god has you under the microscope? That could make for a hard life, I would imagine. Musn't do this that or the other, God is watching me? An American lady came out with such a statement on the threads, not too long since either. I thought how sad it was, fancy brain-washing kids like that. The priest fella's they were famous for it, I suppose it was their moral duty, the present Pope had a strong affiliation to Nazism, I am lead to believe. Did you ever have a calling for The Cloth spendi? You come across as the perfect, if not ideal candidate for The Priesthood. Father Spendi...sounds quite good don't ya think?

Well, at least your not sulking on the sidewalk anymore.

Mathos-

You seem very taken by this finger up the bum stuff. Is it an area of research you are interested in?

I heard it was a dead loss off a bloke who had been to the quack with constipation.

Have I been missing something?

I never had a calling for anything. I just blew around like a tumbleweed hoping for the best which I discovered to be loungers, electric blankets, beer pumps and warm syrup crumpets.

I figured I would join this thread so I can use words like "bloke" and "chap" and "wank". Pardon the intrusion.

Don't mention it Nick. We're not easily shocked although Ms smorgie's courtiers pretend to be in the hope of impressing her with their gallantry.

Mornin' everyone!

(smorgs breezes in with pinny on and duster in hand)

spends,

Shut yer Gob!

Nickfun, so nice to see you, kick off your sling-backs and stay a while...
x

Morning folk, get the kettle on smorgsi, I'm spitting feathers!

Hi Nick, it's nice to see you in here mate, enjoy yourself.


You behave yourself Spendi and you won't be getting slapped about!

Hey, Maythos (I'm being American)

Was up your end last night - went to Southport and got hopelessly lost, really wanted to find an internet cafe and send out SOS.

By eck - there's some posh 'ouses down your way...

By eck - it were freezin'

Strangely, the tide was out?

x

Good run out the eh Chuck?


There are some beautiful houses in this area smorgsi, some of them are almost as nice as mine! :wink:


Did you look in the shops on Lord Street, there are some fantastic shops there my love.

Yep we get the real cold winds here smorgsi, we warm them up a bit and slow the rate down a little so it's not too bad for you guys in Manchester when it reaches you.

How on earth can anybody get lost going to Southport? I'd have got wife to make you a brew if I'd known you were around here.

Was the tide out as well, dear me, I'll got to foot of our stairs!

I did myself a map and everyfink!

Trouble is, I wrote it in pencil and it became invisible in the car - really, I'm not joking... in the car under the motorway lights - it was invisible.

I went wrong at several roundabouts through St Helens...

and then again at the Kew? roundabout.

Then to cap it all, I was legging it down Lord street, the wind ruining my perfect 'doo' and a bloke tried to kiss me!

He was pissed and said "Come on, it's Christmas"

I told him I was a festive lesbian...

...and that's the way I'm going to stay 'till 02/01/07.

So don't bother with any innuendo or smut, unless it's smut of the lesbian-feminist variety - which narrows your options considerably. I shan't respond, as now I am a lesbian...

Anyway, I can't stop - I've dungarees to iron...

(You men! Tut! any excuse to stick your tongue in!)

x

Answer: Full of shiites.

Pete, you're going to grimace when I tell you this. My mate had a spare seat going for the match, but I had to turn him down because my brother was staying (came over from France) for the weekend!

His timing has always been impeccable.

(Great result, though)


ALTOGEVVER NAH..........
(to the tune of "Amazing Grace")

FREE NIL, FREE NIL, FREE NIL, FREE NIL,
FREE NIL, FREE NIL, FREE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLL.....
etc etc...you know the words.

Sorry to hear of your bump, Mc T. Hope you're OK now.

.....and your aggro, Pete. I once had to accompany someone to pick my "host" up from a police station in Budapest. I know exactly what you mean about "Life on Mars". The interior of the building could have been a film set for "The Sweeney".

Exactly! We got a lift to the scene of the crime in the back of a rickety old police car (Skoda Fabia) and I noticed that under my feet was a truncheon - not exactly what you'd want to have behind your head if you were a copper picking up violent or drunk.

As for 3-0 and the tickets, I was here in Prague but will bear you in mind for future spare tickets to the Emirates, your Lordship. Only one game per season will be the North London Derby of course!

KP

Ms smorgs wrote- addressing mygoodself



When Mr Budgen was writing his wonderful book James Joyce and the Making of Ulysses Joyce urged him to treat ' Le Manteau de Tanit,' that is, female drawers ' with IMMENSE seriousness, respect, circumspection, historical sense, critical acumen, documentary accuracy, citational erudition and sweet reasonableness.

This information is contained in a note in the XXVI chapter of Richard Ellmann's famous biography of the nutter.

It is on a page which describes Joyce having a pair of minature drawers (he hated "panties") into which he inserted two fingers and walked them towards a homosexual poet who was scandalised by the trick.

I presume that Tanit is a reference to the zaimph in Flaubert's sensational novel Salammbo.

Really it is a laughter fetish I have I'm afraid.

suspendy wrote



Exactly what goes through my head when I open my knicker drawer!

You asked why I use the term knickers?

Drawers - too matronly, working class

Bloomers - too Edwardian and parlour maidish

Panties - awful (American?) term

Knickers - perfect word - slightly naughty, erotic even

Don't you think?

Of course now I'm a festive lesbian, I'm wearing a pair of unbleached, hemp, draw-string waders...

x

knicker drawer evokes something very odd for this canajun

knickers are



or

these



here.



Someone finding those naughty, well, it's a thought.

Now these...

Are what we call knickers in the North of Englan.

('evenin' ehbeth x)


[/IMG]

OOH! I think I need a lie down.

"Grimace!?" Did you just use that friggin' word? Oh, my friggin' lord! We in the States have not used that word since, like... the Revolutionary War!

Get with the friggin' program.

"Grimace"

I can not believe it.

I would expect smorgs to use such a word, but Ellpus? Not in a million years!

(Perhaps the Lord is not the stud he tries to project. Perhaps his use of the word "grimace" has betrayed him. Perhaps he is a sissy boy)