Skewed Song Lyrics About A2K Members

(To the tune of the Scooby Doo Theme Song)

Slappy Doo Hoo, where are you?
We got some work to do now
Slappy Doo Hoo, where are you?
We need some help from you now---
Come on Slappy Doo
I see you, we're going to make you shake and shiver
You're not fooling me
'Cause I can see- they way you're ruining your liver
You know you got some chicks to do
And Slappy Doo we're ready for your act, don't hold back
And Slappy Doo , if you come through
You're gonna have yourself a Slappy snack
That's a fact
Slappy Doo, where are you?
we're ready and we're willing
We can count on you Slappy Doo
We know you'll catch the clap when you're done fulfilling

(Ok the end is not a perfect fit, but time is of the essence in my life)

Such creative people here. Love 'em all.

Guess why?

When edgar's in love
It's the loveliest night of the year
Stars twinkle above
And you almost can touch them from here

Words fall into rhyme
Any time he is holding her near
When edgar's in love
It's the loveliest night of the year

Waltzing along in the blue
Like a breeze drifting over the sand
Thrilled by the wonder so true
And the wonderful touch of his hand and...

His heart starts to beat
Like a child when a birthday is near
He kisses his sweet
It's the loveliest night of the year

Hear Me Lord Lyrics
by George Harrison

My Lord Ellpus

Forgive me lord Ellpus,
those years when I ignored you, hmm
Forgive them lord Ellpus
Those women that feel they can't afford you, hmm

Help me lord Ellpus,
To praise you when I am kneeling, hmm
Help me lord Ellpus,
To love you with more feeling, hmm

At both ends of the pond
To the east and to the west
Above and below us
There's no place that will will rest.
Oh, won't you hear me lord Ellpus
and take me in your arms

(Hear me lord Ellpus)
(Hear me lord Ellpus)

Help me lord Ellpus, to help you rise a little higher,
hmm Help me lord Ellpus,
To burn with great desire, hmm

Hear me lord Ellpus,
Hear me lord Ellpus,

Oh, won't you please, make me scream
My lord, my lord, my lord Ellpus
(Hear me lord Ellpus)
(Hear me lord Ellpus)

Oh hear me Lord Ellpus when your willy
makes me sing hallelujah
(hallelujah)
(hallelujah)


( If I'm not back later it's because I was struck by lightening from an angry god for blasphemy)

OUTRAGEOUS!

Great, Green Witch:

For our Auzzie:



msolga regrets she's unable to lunch today
Madam
msolga regrets she's unable to lunch today
She is sorry to be delayed
But last evening down on lover's lane she strayed
Madam
msolga regrets she's unable to lunch today

When she woke up and found that her dream of love was gone
Madam
She ran to the man who had lead her so far astray
And from under her velvet gown
She drew a gun and shot her lover down
Madam
msolga regrets she's unable to lunch today

When the mob came and got her and dragged her from the jail
Madam
They strung her upon the old willow across the way
And the moment before she died
She lifted up her lovely head and cried
Madam
msolga regrets she's unable to lunch today

WE WILL ROCK YOU DOROTHY PARKER:

Baby you're a young girl, smart girl
Playing on the site, gonna upset the men some day
You've got a smirk on your face, but I'm on your case
Your mother better put you back into your place

Singing

She is, she is DP!

She is, she is DP!

Baby your a kind girl, fine girl
Why dya pretend that you are so hard on here?
We all like you a lot, don't be what you're not
Much better be here then swigging back beer!

Singing

She is, she is DP
She is, she is DP

...and then a massive smorgs riff (played on vacucum cleaner tube) comes in!

These are great!

Hey, this can be three in one; shark, mac, and miller;

Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has mac11
And she keeps it … ah … out of sight.

Ya know when that shark bites, with his teeth, babe
Scarlet billows start to spread
Fancy gloves, though, wears mac11
So there's nevah, nevah a trace of red.

Now on the sidewalk … uuh, huh … whoo … sunny mornin' … uuh, huh
Lies a body just oozin' life … eeek!
And someone's sneakin' �'round the corner
Could that someone be our sweet Mac

A-there's a tugboat … huh, huh, huh … down by the river don'tcha know
Where a cement bag's just a'droopin' on down
Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear
Five'll get ya ten our Mac is back in town.

Now, d'ja hear �'bout our Miss Miller? She disappeared, babe
After drawin' out all her hard-earned cash
And now Mac she spends just like a sailor
Could it be our girl's done somethin' rash?



Now … Jenny Diver … ho, ho … yeah … Sukey Tawdry
Ooh … Miss Lotte Lenya and old Lucy Brown
Oh, the line forms on the right, babe
Now that our Mac's back in town.

In honor of Chai's email thread.


Yes, no, maybe
I don't know
Can you repeat the question?

You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai, and you're not so big
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai, and you're not so big

Email's unfair, so I just stare, this email on my puter where
Another email'd been, but someone sent this mail, now it's not empty

Why I, why I'm in this room
There is no point explaining

You're not the boss of me Chai, and you're not so big
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chi, and you're not so big

Life is a test, and I confess
I like the email some weird guy sent
Grade on a curve and you'll observe
You might just like weird guys email

Yes, no, maybe, I don't know
Can you repeat the question?

You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai, and you're not so big
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai, and you're not so big


You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai, and you're not so big
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai
You're not the boss of me Chai, and you're not so big

Email's unfair

The Real Slim Blatham

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Blatham please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Blatham please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a mountie before
Jaws all on the floor, the lengths of my posts got you in awe
So you think I'm a bore? So what! I know-it-all!
Thirteeen thousand posts strong, says you is wrong
But I digress anyway, Setanta got 34k
But I guess that's ok, I got a wife, a life, he probably is gay
"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Doctor S said... nothing you idiots!
Doc S. is dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
Feminist women love Setanta

"Slim Blatham," I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin around grabbin his you-know-what
Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute in his mountie-suit"
Lookin like President Chimpy McFlightSuit
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
What can I say, I read too many of Asherman's posts
Talk about hard to understand, thinks he's the man, with all his smarts, more retarded than the criminals who get caught on Cops

And this is the message we deliver to kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade, They got A2K don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantaloupes But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

'Cause I'm Slim Blatham, yes I'm the real Blatham
All you other Slim Blathams are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Blatham please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

I'm clapping and laughing!

VERY good!

x

For spendius

To the tune of Daisy, Daisy


spendi, spendi
show me your cranium do
I'm all moist now
due to the posts from you

But while you're contemplating
and your brain is activating
the smorgs will sneak
and take a peak
At the wizard of oz number 2

If there's something strange
In your browser screen,
Who you gonna call?
(Timberlandko!)
If there's something weird
From the spyware scene,
Who you gonna call?
(Timberlandko!)

I ain't afraid of no virus
I ain't afraid of no virus

If you're seeing things
Running through your drive
Who can you call?
(Timberlandko!)
Popups popups!
Man alive!
Oh, who you gonna call?
(Timberlandko!)

I ain't afraid of no virus
I ain't afraid of no virus

Who you gonna call
(Timberlandko!)
If you're in dismay
Go to A2K
And call
(Timberlandko!)

I ain't afraid of no virus
I hear it shows the girls
I ain't afraid of no virus
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Who you gonna call
(Timberlandko!)
If you've had a worm
And it makes you squirm,
Maybe you'd better call
(Timberlandko!)

Let me tell you something
Bustin' yukware makes him feel good

I ain't afraid of no virus
I ain't afraid of no virus

Don't get caught alone, oh no
(Timberlandko!)
When it comes through your cable
And your PC's unstable,
I think you better call
(Timberlandko!)
Ow

Who you gonna call
(Timberlandko!)
Who you gonna call
(Timberlandko!)
Ah, I think you better call
(Timberlandko!)...

Thats too cute George!!!

Farmerman

Farmer-man, Farmer-man
Does whatever a farmer can
Milks a cow, any size
Always up before the sunrise
Look out
Here comes the Farmer-man

Is he strong, listen guys
He knows how to pasteurize
Can he grow a field of corn
Without tooting his own horn
Hey there
There goes the Farmer-man

In the chill of night
He'll be there before the sunlight
When the sheep are at rest
That's when he is at his best
Look out
Here comes the Farmer-man

brilliant!

DISCLAIMER - The following song in no way implies that Lord Ellpus has any sort of fetish whatsoever. Any similarities between fetish like behaviour contained in the song, and what Lord Ellpus does in his private kitchen activities is purely coincidental.

-The Ellpus preservation of good character society.




To the tune of "Lying in the Arms of Mary" - Sutherland Brothers.


SAFETY WARNING - Some of you may find this song rather arousing. If you do, please ensure that your blood pressure remains within reasonable parameters, and then contact me at www.ellpusinthekitchen.ooh.agh.




The lights shine down the valley
The wind blows up the alley
Oh how I wish I were, squealing in the
Arms of Smorgsy

She liked my leder-hosen
My pouch that was for posing
Oh how I wish I were yelping in the
Arms of Smorgsy

Smorgs was the girl who taught me about spatula
How to use implements that tweak
Taught me how to swear while she wielded the garlic press
I could hardly sit down for a weeeeek, yea...

Before.....when I felt frisky
I'd seduce my goat with some whisky
But now, put a spatula, into
The arms of Smorgsy

Smorgs was the girl who showed me how to squeal out loud
Whilst juicing fruit wearing nought but a thong
I didn't really mind the ride in the ambulance
And removing it didn't take long.....no....

The lights shine down the valley
The wind blows up the alley
Oh how I wish I were screaming in the
Arms of Smorgsy

Awwww, Ellpus....

(sniff)

xxxxx

Think nothing of it, smorgs. I've booked the east kitchen for Thursday evening, by the way.

It's a velcro night.




Here's a little ditty for one of the lesser known members......



Intergalactic Laxative. (Donovan)


Gus was impressed like everyone,
When man began to fly,
Out of earthly regions,
To planets in the sky.
With total media coverage,
He watched the heroes land,
As ceremoniously
They disturbed the cosmic sand.

In awe with admiration,
He listened to the talk.
Such pride felt they,
Such joy to be
Upon the moon to walk.
His romantic vision shattered,
When it was explained to he,
Spacemen wear old diapers
In which they **** and pee.

He thought 'bout this around the farm
As farmer's often do
If constipated in their suits
How would they go to poo
The idea quickly hit him as he smeared his cow with lube
A laxative would help them do their jobs into a tube.

Gus's intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
Take Ratzenhofer's potion
When you're out there in the stars,
Gus's intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

They don't partake like you and I,
Of beefy burger mush.
Their food is specially prepared
To dissolve into slush.
Absorbed by multi-fibers
In the super diaper suit,
Otherwise the slush would trickle
Down inside their boot.

Gus's intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
Take Ratzenhofer's potion
When you're out there in the stars,
Gus's intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

He phoned and asked "now what becomes
Of liquid they consume?"
A pipe is led from penis head
To a unit in the room.
The water is recirculated,
Filtered for re-use.
In case of anti-gravity -
Pee gets on the loose.

Gus's intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
Take Ratzenhofer's potion
When you're out there in the stars,
Gus's intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

Wherever man has conquered,
On the quest for frontiers new,
Gus's glad that he's always had to do
The number one and two.
It makes it all so ordinary,
Just like you and me,
To know the greatest heroes,
They had to **** and pee.

Gus's intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to there,
For cosmic constipation
There's none that can compare.
Take Ratzenhofer's potion
When you're out there in the stars,
Gus's intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to Maaaaaaars.

Well, I wake up in the morning
Check all my favorite threads
First Letty, she's a-hidin'
With the radio heads
BernardR walks in wearin'
A Napoleon Bonaparte mask
Then you ask why I like to post here
Honey, do you have to ask?

Well, I go to pet someone's monkey
I get a face full of claws
I ask who's in the fireplace
And you tell me Lord Elpus
And Nick Fun comes in
He's wearing a derby hat
Then you ask why I like to post here
Honey, how come you have to ask me that?

Gusratzenhoffer's cane
It turns into a sword
And Spendus prays to pictures
That are pasted on a board
Everything inside my pockets
Mr Reyn steals
Then you ask why I like to post here
Honey, I can't believe that you're for real.

Well, there's fist fights in the religion threads
They're enough to make me cry
The Farmerman comes in
Even he's gotta take a side
Even Frank Apisa
He's got something to prove
Then you ask why I like to post here
Honey, what about you?