I didn't have the salmon mousse.
"Oh dear. You didn't use canned salmon, did you?
"I'm most dreadfully embarassed!"
Be quiet! Englishmen, you're all so f*cking pompous, and none of you have got any balls.
Every day is Christmas in Heaven!
DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,
Because
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.
MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,...
CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.
PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed...
CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's.
MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!
NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.
EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!
LOL!
(Only just discovered this)
Well, Old Europe, on the other hand, as it turns out (and I dimly remembered), it is gentlemen like you that Simon Hoggart, author of the Parliamentary Sketch in the Guardian, has stern warnings for.
Quote:David Cameron was in the mood for some Punch and Judy politics. [..] He declared that the prime minister was wobbling over the new EU constitution, which his own representative on the committee had said was "dead, deceased and no more".
"The government is starting to sound like a Monty Python sketch - so it is time to say, 'now for something completely different'."
Why do politicians always use such whiskery pop culture references? Monty Python was 30-odd years ago. Mr Cameron may need classes in modern televisual references, eg: "Am I bovvered? Does my face look bovvered?" It would give him a tiny bit more cred.
(
The Hoggart of 20 June)
Anyone remember this?
The following follows the line of Python skits that have been (often badly)
transcribed on the net recently. This is a skit that appeared on the BBC show "Not the Nine O'Clock News" that makes reference to the trouble the Python lads got into with religious leaders about Life Of Brian.
---
Intro: One of the most controversial, and some would say, scurrilous films of the last year has been the box-office blockbuster, The General Synod's Life of Christ. Sarah Gould talked to Lawrence ironconium-Bishop of Wroxeter, the director of the film, and Alexander Walker, one of its stoutest critics. The film deals with the story of the rise of a simple carpenter's son, one Jesus Christ, to fame and greatness, but many people have seen in the film a thinly disguised and blasphemous attack on the life of Monty Python. Python worshippers say that it sets out to ridicule by parody the actual members of Monty Python who even today, of course, are worshipped and revered throughout the Western World.
Interviewer: Alexander Walker, can I ask you first, What did you think of the film?
Walker: It appalled me. I find it deeply offensive that, in what is still,
after all, basically a Python-worshipping country, fourteen-year-old
children can get to see this film. They get little enough proper
Python these days, without having this distorted garbage paraded about.
Int.: Bishop, you directed this film. Did you expect this kind of reaction?
Bishop: Well, I certainly didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition! Yes. Yes, I
did direct the film. And what I feel I *must* emphasize at once, is
that it is not an attack on Python. I'm not a Pythonist myself, but
obviously I have enourmous respect for people, like Alexander, who are.
Walker: Oh, come now bishop. The central figure in this film...this...er...
Bishop: Jesus Christ.
Walker: ...thank you, this "Jesus Christ" is quite clearly a lampoon of the
comic messiah himself, Our Lord John Cleese. I mean, look, even the initials are the same!
Bishop: No. No, absolutely not. If I may try and explain. The Christ figure is not meant to *be* Cleese, he's just an ordinary person who happens to have been in Weston-super-Mare at the same *time* as Mr. Cleese.
Walker: No. No, really Lawrence, that's too...
Bishop: And...and, if I may finish...he is *mistaken* for the comic messiah by credulous people of the sort who can see something "completely different" in anything, and who follow him around in vast crowds... ah...doing silly walks, and chanting "No, no, not the comfy chair", and other slogans from the good Bok itself.
Int.: Alexander Walker--your comments on that?
Walker: No, I'm sorry, whatever the bishop may say, this is a highly
distasteful film. Have people forgotten how Monty Python suffered
for us? How often the sketches failed? I mean these men died for us. Frequently.
Int.: Bishop, turning back to you, do you not agree that the film may affect the position of Monty Python in our spiritual life?
Bishop: No, I hardly think so. If Python is immortal (as Pythonists believe), I'm sure a mere film...
Walker: A tenth-rate film.
Bishop: ...I'm sure a mere film is not going to stop believers. Remember the words of John Cleese: "When two or three are gathered together in my name, the shall perform the Parrot Sketch..."
Int.: Indeed. "It is an ex-parrot..."
All: "...it has Ceased to Be."
Int.: Well the final scene in the film has perhaps attracted the most
attention of all. Alexander Walker, a last word from you.
Walker: Yes, well, the last scene is...is the ultimate blasphemy. It..it is
set in a hotel, in Torquay, where literally hundreds of Spanish waiters are being clipped about the ear by this Jesus Christ bloke in a ghastly cartoon of the Comic Messiah's Greatest Half-Hour.
Int.: Alexander Walker, thank you.
Walker: Thank you.
Int.: Bishop, thank you.
Bishop: Thank you. Actaully it's not Torquay, it's Torbay.
Walker: Oh, Torquay, Torbay, whatever. I don't really see...
Int.: Alexander Walker, Bishop, thanks you.
Both: Thank you.
NEXT WEEK: THE ISLAMIC NEW WAVE
Not the Nine O'Clock News goes on location with "47 Brides for 7 Brothers."
Wait!!! A quick change of rules....
Oh, we didn't have any rules, I just notice. Nevermind. Uh. Well. In that case, I propose that the proposal of the following rule be now entered in the minutes:
In order to get the maximum use out of this thread, Monty Python shall henceforward only be quoted as a sophisticated answer to a political post! You may go fishing in the political forum to obtain random posts.
For example:
Random Poster wrote:In my opinion, the health care system is very screwed up; it should be much more affordable, compared to everything else, considering the service you get from it.
Then you could quote Monty Python and say
Quote: MAÎTRE D: Perhaps you're not... happy with the service?
GUEST: No, no. No complaints.
GUEST'S WIFE: It's just that we have to go. I'm having rather a heavy period.
....
Anybody second that...?
Oh, and by the way, I propose that nimh be now entered in the minutes as probationary martyr to the cause. On the nod, Siblings!
2nd rule: NO POOFTERS!
OK Bruce, do we link to our devilish deeds here - or do we rely on randomness (this reminds me of the 'Bush's clear plan for victory in Iraq' game earlier this year...)
Gawd look what I found:
Themes in Contemporary Analytic Philosophy
as Reflected in the Work of Monty Python
Gary L. Hardcastle
Department of Philosophy
University of Wisconsin - Stevens Point
Stevens Point, WI
U.S.A.
Copyright © 1993, by Gary Hardcastle. This work may be reproduced in whole or in part only by permission of the author.
[The talk below was written in response to a request from the Philosophy Club at Virginia Tech, and has been delivered there three times in the last few years. Comments from Python fans, philosophers, interested bystanders, raving loonies, and any combination of the above are welcomed! Email me!
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/~ebarnes/python/python.htm
hingehead wrote:2nd rule: NO POOFTERS!
OK Bruce, do we link to our devilish deeds here - or do we rely on randomness (this reminds me of the 'Bush's clear plan for victory in Iraq' game earlier this year...)
No no no, brother hingehead. No brother or sister in our Movement can
establish a rule. You can
propose a rule, which will then be entered in the minutes, and then another brother or sister can second your proposal, and then the Movement can approve the seconded proposal of the rule, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man, or woman, to propose that any established rule be revoked, as a symbol of our struggle against oppression!
I second the second rule!
<raises hand>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The French have been demoralized for most of their History--Here is an account of their failure in Algeria__
In the French army, the growing demoralization of the officer corps paralleled the defeatist mood of the bourgeoisie. As one historian summarized it: "As the year 1960 progressed, certain currents of conviction in the Army were perceptibly changing.... Few officers relished the thought of relinquishing Algeria to the GPRA, but an increasingly large number realized that the end of their adventure was in sight and silently submitted to the imperative" (George Kelly, Lost Soldiers: The French Army and the Empire in Crisis, 1947-1962 [1965]). A French battalion commander wrote in a November 1960 letter: "The army has had enough! The army wants an end to the war! Of course, this refers to the army of the djebels [countryside], the fighting army, that is, the overwhelming majority and not the military bureaucracy of the chiefs-of-staff" (La Nouvelle Critique, January 1961.
END OF QUOTE
"The Army has had enough"--WHAT BRAVE MEN!!! I would not want those spineless cowards defending the USA!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am very much afraid that both Hingehead and Old Europe are ignorant concerning the French role in Europe against the Nazis.
NOt only were they cowardly, they were stupid.
Of course, Hingehead and Old Europe are invited to show that the material below is false or misleading.
From Shirer---P. 726
quote-
"Prime Minister Churchill flew to Paris while German spearheads were sixty miles west of Sedan, rolling along the UNDEFENDED open country. Nothing very much stood between them and Paris and between them and the Channel, but Churchill did not know this.
"Where is the Strategic Reserve? He asked Gamelin. THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF THE ALLIED ARMIES TURNED TO HIM AND WITH A SHAKE OF THE HEAD AND A SHRUG ANSWERED-- T H E R E I S N O N E!
I was dumfounded, Churchill later related. It was UNHEARD of that a great army when attacked, HELD NO TROOPS IN RESERVE.
I admit, says Churchill that this was one of the GREATEST SURPRISES THAT I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE>"
end of quote
But, the French tradition of stupidity and cowardice continues. The French at first announced that they would take the lead in sending a couple of thousand troops to Lebanon to keep the peace. NOW, they are down to 400--Cowardly, disorganized and untrustworthy!!!!
egg bacon sausage and spam
But, the French tradition of stupidity and cowardice continues. The French at first announced that they would take the lead in sending a couple of thousand troops to Lebanon to keep the peace. NOW, they are down to 400--Cowardly, disorganized and untrustworthy!!!!
spam bacon sausage and spam
