Where is the balance between standing up for yourself . . .

I think this discussion needs to be moved from the realm of the theoretical to the concrete.

Serious example: when my husband and I were first married, we lived in southern NH. He forbade me to work for any college because the pay was insufficient. He also told me to work only in NH and not in MA because he expected his dinner ready when he came from home work.

Mid-level example: He had his mother pick out our apt. , which was nothing I would ever selected, then he had the mother of his best friend select curtains -- I was still in Michigan before we married and he was on the road during the four months of between his moving to NH and our marriage.

Low level serious example: He told me that when furnishing our home, I could only shop at Paine's Furniture -- a store that has since gone out of business but seems to have been high end (never wentthere) or at antique shops.

My response to #1. After several months of fruitless looking in NH, I convinced him he should allow me to work in MA, after which I found two part-time NH jobs.

#2 Surprisingly, he decided Ethan Allen was alright. Interestingly, all antiques purchased by me were appraised at a higher value then those he inherited from his grandmother, a former dealer.

#3 I hated the drapes but told him the style was contemporary and did not match antique furnishings and suggested we return them. He refused again and again. Ifinally made new curtains.