I paid up but gave her no tip
And did think of busting her lip
But punching a girl
With a cute kiss curl
I paid up but gave her no tip
And did think of busting her lip
But punching a girl
With a cute kiss curl
Will get me a lash of the whip.
So I up and decided to leave
Oy, t'was a tiny bit naive
So I up and decided to leave
Oy, t'was a tiny bit naive
It was for the best
I needed some rest
And I'm not sure I wished to cleave.
So out on the street I then stepped
A maze where I am quite adept
So out on the street I then stepped
A maze where I am quite adept.
'Twas then I was struck
By good Lady Luck
So out on the street I then stepped
A maze where I am quite adept.
'Twas then I was struck
By good Lady Luck
Who said, Sir, I hope you'll accept
Yes, my hand in marriage, good sir
Ah, I think you can make me purr
Yes, my hand in marriage, good sir
Ah, I think you can make me purr
I'll give it a try
If you will not cry
I might even stroke your sleek fur.
Oh will you? Oh will you? Please do
Oh will you? Oh will you? Please do
And buy me a car shiny new?
Oh will you? Oh will you? Please do
And buy me a car shiny new?
That's easily done
And won't we have fun
And on it we'll have a horseshoe
A house we will get by the shore
With roses all round the front door
A house we will get by the shore
With roses all round the front door.
We'll then have ten kids
All raised as Druids
A house we will get by the shore
With roses all round the front door.
We'll then have ten kids
All raised as Druids
And maybe we'll then have ten more.
They stopped for some gas and a Coke
They stopped for some gas and a Coke
And into her pocket she poked
Ten packs of condoms
It wasn't random...
Twenty kids was just a big joke
There's no way she wanted to be
aye, pregnant at age fifty-three
If condoms won't work
She'll just kill the jerk
and be what she sure wants to be.
But she's tied to this guy by a ring
But she's tied to this guy by a ring
Not that that really means anything!
She does what she wants
Cuz she too wears pants
But she's tied to this guy by a ring
Not that that really means anything!
She does what she wants
Cuz she too wears pants
Now he wears the frocks and the bling. (Teeheeheehee)Thanks Mame.
And he looks quite cute in that kit
And he looks quite cute in that kit
Though he's overweight just a bit
His teeth do protrude
And he looks quite cute in that kit
Though he's overweight just a bit
His teeth do protrude
His feet are quite crude
In fact he's a bit of a tit (No offence intended Mame)
It was Whooda who said have ten
As if our sweet girl was a hen
I prefer kisses
And near misses
It was Whooda who said have ten
As if our sweet girl was a hen
I prefer kisses
And near misses
And then I start things once again.
++++++++++++++++++++
Hard practice makes perfect I'm told
Hard practice makes perfect I'm told
For men who've the nerve to be bold
Hard practice makes perfect I'm told
For men who've the nerve to be bold.
We'll toil and tarry
And someday marry
The goods if they've not yet grown mold.
If we worked for Hallmark 'round here,
I feel we'd have reason to fear
The lim'ricks we sing
Would most likely bring
Bankruptcy inside of a year.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Dear Valentine, will you be mine
Even with your smell and curved spine?
Dear Valentine, will you be mine
Even with your smell and curved spine?
I'd left that to Mame
I think she's your flame
You and I would not quite combine.
Is working at Hallmark much fun?
