Nell and the engineer flirted
As the room became deserted
The temperature rose
Nell took off her clothes
And the overhead steampipe bursted.
He came from a place called Cleckheaton
And he'd obviously much o'ereaten.
Nell laughed like a mop
Which caused him to flop
And unable to go for completion.
So Nell grabbed her frock from the floor
So Nell grabbed her frock from the floor
And flounced her way through the door
She tossed him a crack
"I sure won't be back"
There's other men here, galore!
He sat and he sobbed and he cried
He certainly felt like he'd died
He sat and he sobbed and he cried
He certainly felt like he'd died
He looked through the porthole
From down in the coal hole
And land in the distance he spied.
This cheered him up quite a bit
This cheered him up quite a bit
He could leave this ship full of twits
His eyes did brighten
His loin, it tightened
And he fell to having a fit.
There came a knock at the door
So he got up off the floor
There came a knock at the door
So he got up off the floor
T'was the bosun's mate
Seeking a mate
Saying,"That Nell's just a low,dirty whore."
The engineer reached for his pistol
Which he'd bought when the ship docked in Bristol
The engineer reached for his pistol
Which he'd bought when the ship docked in Bristol
Oh Yeah! said the Cap'n
He started clappin'
"Let's break that damn gal like crystal."
When Nell heard all the commotion
She dived back into the ocean
"You'll not murder me"
She screamed from the sea
"I'll fix you all with my potion!!"
Just at that moment the gun fired
And Nell did fatally expire
Just at that moment the gun fired
And Nell did fatally expire
"No" said a deckhand,
"It's only a flesh wound,
"I'll save her,she's just a bit tired."
With that he jumped over the side
With that he jumped over the side
A game guy, it can't be denied
With that he jumped over the side
A game guy, it can't be denied
Little did he know
She would want his dough
Her look at him was wide-eyed.
A shark started circling round
Our Nell made whimpering sounds
A shark started circling round
Our Nell made whimpering sounds
She looked at it's fin
And clung fast to him
And promised him all of her pounds
So he said to the shark "please f**k off pal,
You must understand this is my gal"
So he said to the shark "please f**k off pal,
You must understand this is my gal"
The shark just snickered
While whosit bickered'
And the shark had a meal of Nell.
Nell was finally gone, at last
She was the shark's recent repast
Nell was finally gone, at last
She was the shark's recent repast
Things have gone bad
Everyone's sad
That this has ended so fast.
Two mosquitoes having a chat
Decided they were where it's at
We're cool, they exclaimed
And we're not ashamed
To sit and feast on Matt the Rat.
Matt the Rat is a character
Matt the Rat is a character
Hated his wife so he barracked her
Matt the Rat is a character
Hated his wife so he barracked her
But she snuck in some pot
Then ate up her cot
Matt the Rat is a character
Hated his wife so he barracked her
But she snuck in some pot
Then ate up her cot
Pretending she was some great star actor
To eat a whole bed is not easy
To eat a whole bed is not easy
To tell the truth, it makes me queasy
I'd rather eat a chair
Full of old horsehair
And I wouldn't look quite so sleazy.
Joe came whistling down the trail
Joe came whistling down the trail
As he went from the hill to the dale
Joe came whistling down the trail
As he went from the hill to the dale.
But his gay transit
Ended up in a pit
Marked "TIGERS," but only in Braille.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Joe's whistling, still loud and clear,
Wafted into a cannibal's ear
Joe's whistling, still loud and clear,
Wafted into a cannibal's ear
The cannibal shrieked
(his interest was piqued!)
Joe shot outta there, full of fear....
He ran right into his old friend, Stu
"Hey bud, where might you be off to
in such a hurry
You make me worry
You're going so dang fast, hey you!!"
Joe couldn't answer, he sped by
He'd have to call Stu on the fly
