"Lady farts" - discuss

lady farts
being an outspoken woman i'd say

hey you take the bad with the good, get it?

everyone knows i'm not nice.

Good for you.

One guy said to me "that's what it's supposed to do." aaaaaw think he was trying to make me feel better?

x

If a woman knows her way around the male body--he will not be capable of maintaining enough consciousness to know what happened.

i love you lash...

Hooray! A woman who understands me.

>kiss<

^ But Lash, what if it was REALLY loud?

x

Dorothy,he sounds lovely.

We didnt get told at school about these lady farts!!
Belive me the first time it happened it was the biggest shock of my life, I thought 'what the hell was that??!!Did that come from me??'
It was so long and high pitched that only dogs could hear it.

It really is embarrassing and ruins the mood.How come when we have the chance to do something really enjoyable there is always something to ruin it for us.

It has happened with all but one of my conquests.
With a long term boyfriend it was fine.
Another time I was trying to do my sexy thang whilst being accompanied by mini trumps!!Not attractive.

What did surprise me was when I was with a guy and one popped out and he stopped in total shock!! I said 'they happen' and he went 'ok' and carried on.It was like he didnt know what it was or thought it was a botty burp.
I dont think guys should have sex until they know about these things and are aware that it is their fault, coz it doesnt happen when Im not having rumpy pumpy!!

material girl wrote



he he. Never done one of them!

The awful thing is that sometimes you know the air is up there and must come out and you're just waiting for the inevitable to happen. No matter how much subtle wriggling you to release it silently, it always come out in a fanfare!

I do have an auntie who can actually do them to order, how classy is that?

x

Your right, sometimes its not even during sex.
Your lying there all glowy and happy, thinking I must just pop to the bathroom or i want a drink, yuo get up and as soon as you move your leg, out it comes!!!

WHY OH WHY!!!??

All I want to do is be sexy and gorgeous and attractive infront of a guy I really like and out pops the one sound that is guaranteed a laugh.

Its one of the many reasons I am sometimes happy not to have a boyfriend.

yeah that short walk to the bathroom is a killer - cos you know they are watching your ass wobble. It always seems to make me walk in a really ridiculous, tippy-toe way. And THEN, coming back in, it's the old, suck that stomach in lurch.

x

Hahaha, with a botty burp at least you can try and keep yuor butt cheeks together, with a lady burp you cant, unless you have a very strong pelvic floor!!

Think even the strongest pelvic floor muscles are no match for the evil that is the lady fart.

x

It's called a "queef".

Are you in the US?
We call them fanny farts over here,even more degrading.

So what would be the ultimate thing to say once one has slipped, to quash any embarrassed tension in the air?

No I'm in the UK too but didnt want to say "fanny" in case it offended anyone. Ha ha. Fanny's such a horrible word! My daughter and I choose to call it a Tutu. Tutu fart dont sound too bad actually.

Yeah think we need to come up with a phrase that both acknowledges the "fanny fart" and ideally directs any humiliation back to the bloke.

Something like.. "small willy's always make me do that!" what d'ya think?

x

Hahahahahahahahaha, that as perfect, il have to remember that.Work well, embarrases th eguy as much as the lady has been embarrassed and should get things back on course.
Perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mum never talks to me about this subject, she isnt a prude and she would if I needed to discuss something but we never do.Think id die if she said fanny or tutu.

Well that's what you can do next time your bored at work. Give her a call and see if you can get her to say "fanny" or "tutu" during the conversation. Give yourself extra points if you can get her to say them more than once

x

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo, that would be weird!!Not even I could be that bored!!

Girls, girls...

Worry ye not about the queef...

When you get to my age, you simply say 'what's your favourite tune?'

x

there once was a girl who would queef
whenever she partook of the beef
'what's that noise?' they cried
'you're so big!' she sighed
farted, and lied through her teeth

(well you think of something that rhymes with queef)