Out of your league?

Maybe they expect that you won't stick with them for long - and you'll be off as soon as something better comes along. So saying you're out of their league is their way of mentally preparing for being dropped.

Probably a combination of insecurity and a perception of what you are like. Can you see why they would think that?

At 19 I wouldn't be stressing about it, just yet, particularly if the people who are saying are around the same age.

Attractive/good looking people are seen as some kind of Gods.
All you need to do is look in a celeb magazine to see who the 'beautiful' people are.
Brad, Angelina, Jennifer, J-Lo,George etc are all apparently high league.

I agree there shouldnt be leagues as attractive and not so attractive people are the same,they both have good and bad qualities.

Basically The likes of Brad Pitt attract women like Angelina Jolie.Im trying to theink of a famous unatractive looking couple but cant think of any.
Ah,Quasimodo and Ezmerelda, Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovet, they are pretty women goiung out with not so handsome men.This would rarely happen the other way around.You dont really see good looking men with ugly women.
The one person I admired was an actor called River Pheonix(he died about 15) years ago)he was supposedly one of the beautiful people but he went out with an actress that wasnt conventionallly pretty(to magazine people)saying he loved her for her.

I think yuo need to show your friends that yuo are 'human', they assume you have evrything that is good just flock to yuo.If yuo make a comment like 'I can never get a guy to like me', or 'the last time i was dumped' they may see you as human.

I agree with Hingehead that they are preparing themselves for a fall.
Its annoying as you cant act offended by their comments as you will appear big headed, but just show them that its upsetting you.

You should ask Roxxxanne. I bet she has this problem too.

This is just a way to blow someone off who has a fat ego. It's another way of saying "It's not you, it's me".

You aren't out of others leagues, you're just in the outfield staring at your nails. lada da da da.

People don't say things like that unless they themselves are completely insecure, in which case they think EVERYONE is out of their league or they get that vibe from the person they think is out of their league.

I highly doubt that all the guys you want to date are insecure (could be wrong here) so maybe you are giving off that signal that you think you are better than they are. Despite the fact that no one likes a snob, if they are beautiful, rich and/or famous, we see to gravitate to them like a train wreck. We like to hate them. Have you seen the movie Mean Girls? If you haven't, you should. It's about the dynamics of popularity.

If you walk around, always looking perfect, being confident, and acting like a queen, lots of guys will take that for snobbiness. And like flushd said, its their way of saying "You're beautiful but you are way to high maintenance for me".

I am not trying to put you down but you might want to take a look at how you carry yourself. We all give off a vibe. Are you the kind of girl who looks perfect all the time, loves to shop for herself excessivly, won't get her hands dirty and puts her nose up at anything less than designer? Or are you the type of girl who is beautiful, doesn't mind getting her hands dirty and enjoys burping through the football game with some of the guys once in a while?

Many guys I know like a girl who can be both: classy, refined and "high maintainance" when out and laid back, fun having, comfortable when at home. Can you be both?

Mintcake, I'll cure you.

What are you talking about? I am a queen. Mintcake I can empathize with you. Being the queen around here - no one is in my league. Quite exhausting actually.

Seriously though I remember some one once telling me that I am intimidating to men. I couldn't understand that, but I can see in some ways that I could have given that impression. I think it was more in that I was reserved, but at the same time have this quirky sense of humor. I remember going on a first date once and trying to ease things by making a joke. Unfortunately because of my odd sense of humor, I only caused him further discomfort. He didn't know whether I was joking or not. On a side note, he was confident enough to overcome it as we dated for several years later.

It could be a combination of how you are - without realizing it or just that for some reason you are meeting men that do not have enough self-confidence.

This deserves a song. Thank you, Joe Jackson.

I had a roommate who was a Ford model. She was stunning and certainly got hit on, but mostly by arrogant creeps or ugly guys with money looking for arm candy. She was stalked twice in the year and half we shared an apartment. For awhile the stalkers over lapped and they ended up having a fist fight in front of our building. It really gave me insight into what a very beautiful person has to put up with. On the good side - she got away with a lot of sh*t. We would go to a restaurant and the waiter would bring out special little desserts or glasses of wine ("compliments of the chef, owner, guy sitting at the table by fountain etc).

She came up with her own solution. She basically picked her men and went after them. She would first approach guy in a polite and friendly way. She would make small talk, nothing suggestive of a come on. Just casual conversation. If she thought the guy showed promise she would suggest they either continue their conversation at a table (this was back in days when people met at bars) or ask a guy to dance if we were at a club. She never did anything that would make him feel she was stronly coming on to him. She had a knack for keeping it friendly. If she still liked him at the end of the evening she would say something like "I really had a nice time tonight. I feel you really listened to what I had to say and I enjoyed hearing about your (job, family, trip to France, whatever). Would you like to meet for dinner some night next week?" If the guy said yes (and they always did) she would exchange phone numbers. She said she felt more in control of her social life than when someone just hit on her and she met some nice guys this way.

By the way, she always picked nice looking guys with jobs or ambition, but never the fellow model or Daddy Warbucks type.

You're a wicked, wicked woman, flushd.



Oh, how I love you!

Hey all....
Thanks for all your quick replies... its seems like everyone has conflicting ideas on the matter though and how to solve it but you've opened up my eyes a bit which is important.

I really don't have a big ego at all. I'm not afraid to say the way I feel though which I don't think is that bad a thing. Ya know, it also seems everyone loves sharp wit but are also somehow afraid of it.

I do think that a general trend of insecurity in the guys of my age is fairly true... and maybe they don't believe I'd hang around for long if they committed themselves so it's a 'safety net'... I hope the latter's not the case... but I think I can perhaps see why I could be perceived that way... because I haven't had a good record of long term relationships... because... well go figure. read the problem again.

Maybe I should just hang out with said guy more. I mean.... I don't know how to boost his or anyone elses ego enough... it always ends in a youre better.... no, youre better.... debate. which is insane, and doesn't help anything. and then later (like months later) the guy will come back and say how different things could/would've been if they hadn't acted like such a shmuck... but by then it's all too late.

Well, that's where you can end it.

Him: You're better.

You: What the hell are you talking about? That "better" stuff is insane. So, do you think the US should have a role in what's going on now with Israel and Lebanon?

By responding in kind, you're just reinforcing that the league/ better stuff is important and, I'd wager, reaffirming for the guy that yes you think you are better.

Just sidestep it entirely.

The insecurity problems are theirs not yours, its only something they can work out.
If you go out with them they will need constant reassuring, if you split up they probably will blame you.

Choose wisely, be a good girlfriend when you are one.Thats all yuo can do.

and btw green..... i do totally think ur advice is awesome...... but...
1) I don't know if I'm gutsy enough to bowl up
2) It's not finding nice guys thats the problem... it's them not thinking theyre worthy...

sozobe... if I yell at 'em they get worse. they then apologise a million times. and don't know what to say. they thought they were being nice... I've made a couple of people cry by trying that.

material..... do you think i should just ignore their insecurities...?
or is it that i should hold out on starting a relationship if the guys are like that, cos there will be some that aren't....

That's why I tacked on the subject-changer. I don't mean yell -- I imagined the "what the hell?" as mild and puzzled but ultimately uninterested. Not a big confrontation, a sidestep. Big difference.

A confrontation also reinforces that it's a big deal, and that you likely think that you are in fact better but that you don't want them saying so -- a bit of a mixed message there that probably won't end well.

oh no... haha.
that was my bad. i didn't mean yell. we just use 'yell' as a slang, not with its real meaning of raising ones voice.... but as more telling one off in a sense..

and you think saying i don't like it would be saying i am better...
as would having the argument....
so just be like... um...... ooooooooookay..... moving on...

nice idea sozobe thanks.
the only thing i'm worried about is if they think theyre complementing me..... but i don't acknowledge it.
i.e. How did you ever fall for someone like me?
and i'm like..... err..... whatever.
Looks kind've sad...

That's a different question, though. Go ahead and say why. That's a pretty standard relationship question, both ways. (Do you ask them why they fell for you? If not, why not?)

Go ahead and answer -- and you better have some good answers, not just "because you're unthreatening and worship me" ;-) -- and only sidestep if it gets to the "I'm not worthy" stage.

Oh... you needed to read that question with the hopelessness and bewilderment that it's delivered.

but ya know what? Youve really helped. Even if it's delivered with bewilderment and hopelessness.... I could just genuinely answer it instead of thinking..... 'oh gawd, not again..'

By saying your better it may sound like a complement but they are really asking you 'are you gona dump me soon because im not as brainy/attractive etc as you?'

Surely their only hurdle is getting you to like them.If you do they are home and dry!!What is their problem, they are only ruining it for themselves!!

Only start a relationship if you really like someone.Id say that to anyone.
Hmm, maybe dont ignore it or they will keep going on.Acknowledge it.
Just say 'I like you and there is no need to feel insecure.I can be insecure to'


Just say 'stop being insecure, its not attractive and I will dump you if you lay it all on me'.
That just tmbled out of my head, harsh but to the point.