Asking, demanding new stuff - what to do?

What a drama is developing over time, Sahki. People seem to be themselves so early...

Or, are they influenced by events..? Perhaps sometimes, Not probably on this occasion, re your visit. Though it is hard to know.

I'm interested in how everything works out with mother and older daughter as years go by, though it is none of my business. I am suspecitng you are right, that mom gives in. As she is going, older daughter needs entertaining and is fairly disconnected to her environment. But, non parent that I am, I didn't get that this is typical of, say, six.

I don't think she can follow a story...but I did show her another picture book of the story of rapunzel (I have lots of books and fairytales and comics). She loved it. She looks at the newspaper every morning . All the scanitly clad models in it - she refers to as "akka" (sister) ...she identifies birds, the ball (in the football photos) etc. She's real smart for her age. Last night she was trying to wear my toe-ring (Most married women in India wear it. I take it off while I'm sleeping). And she told me it was too big for her toe.

Yeah, looks like it...I know her pretty well - she's nice, not sure how effective a mom she is. She is a stay-at-home mother. I didnt know these kids very well, before I was appointed as their temporary caretaker.

.it's hard for me to be patient with a girl (the 5 year old) who hates to read, but loves video games and TV. I hardly watch TV and I find it hard to "connect" to a kid like that. She makes me feel very OLD and old-fashioned.

As soz says, I need to be very patient. Something I sorely lack, I'm discovering...

well....the little one sounds like a sweetie pie.

Perhaps the toddler's innate charm is one of the reasons that that the five-year-old is discontented?

You weren't "pushing your luck" when you suggested she might want to play with the other children in the apartment block. You were treating her like a normal little girl who is allowed to make some choices.

I'm not surprised that despite her pint-sized, whiz-bitch behavior, she chose to spend time with you rather than with other children. She might not show her love, but she is demonstrating her idea of security-in-a-storm.

Hurrrraahhh. A peaceful evening yesterday. I made pasta for them at home and were they happy. I think i'm spoiling them crazy. Even the little one ate a bit of pasta.
The 5 year old and I had a pillow fight and a mock wrestling session so I hope that's some sign of progress. Otherwise, she was mostly stuck to the TV as usual.

The bad news is that mom is going to be back only sunday evening (along with her recuperating Dad). So any weekend plans are outta question. I better think of ideas to keep them entertained.



Oh, maybe. On the surface though, the little one is the only one who receives any affection from her.

There's an insight that makes sense, sahki. You'll know a lot more if/when you keep up with your cousin and her children.

I think you've broken down some barrier there, with the play... and then of course, the pasta..

I'm not a parent but I have niece I am very close to. Let's just say I've been a factor in her life since she was two; she's now eighteen. We love each other dearly, but are sooooo different.

If I didn't have a sense of society's expectations, I might read for five days straight. I am not easily bored, having my mind to visit. I am not all that comfy socially, although at my advanced age that is harder to tell, and I appear in real life as open and friendly... though I am sometimes quiet, even now.

My niece on the other hand has beamed happily from social interaction from the second I met her; I met her at about a month old, and then again when she was around two. She is very smart but simply not engaged much by reading. She was only permitted PBS/BBC type stations on her father's tv, and anything at all if her mother had a tv at any given time. She thinks people who spend time with computers other than for immediate practical information are Nerds (osso smiles). She is very physically oriented - is on the track team, does choreography for a dance company allied with her college, was taught by her father to get around the Los Angeles area by bicycle. Very involved with her friends and their lives.

So, let's say, we meet at the intersection of how we are. Wish I'd helped her to love reading. Mom didn't read, though she could read a bit, and dad is a pedantic fellow who has effectively turned her off by his own obsessive (in comparison to many) curiosity about how things work, his obsession with instruction. She never wants to go to another museum ever. Which kills me, I like them.

I think liking to read or getting satisfaction from other stimuli starts early.
I have no bright ideas on how you can channel natural attractions...
just saying, it's not only you and the reading of the book, but the nature of the child.

Sakhi--

Unhappy children can be very hard to love. Congratulations on convincing your 5-year-old cousin that the world is a safe place, even if mommie is elsewhere.

I agree with Osso--there are perfectly acceptable human beings in this world that don't enjoy reading books. I find them baffling and I pity them for living only one life at a time, but they are perfectly acceptable human beings.

In the States we have a Head Start program, staffed with both professionals and volunteers who go into children's homes (usually homes of pre-kindergarten kids, but if money is available they include children as young as two) to show mothers of limited resources how to give their kids a leg-up on pencil and paper skill and a love of literature.

I wouldn't abandon all hope for a middle-class five-year-old. Part of her aversion to reading may be due to a superstitious theory that if she watches tv, Mommie will come home to watch, tool

Read to the little one--and remember, you have two arms to cuddle, one for each kid.

Hang in there--you're doing something right.

Hold your dominion.

Thank you. Yes, Noddy...two arms to cuddle each kid. This feeling is new to me Feels nice.

I'm fine with people who don't read books. But too much TV...that's a BIG turn-off for me. Either kids or adults. I know I shouldn't be so judgemental - that's why I don't tell her anything. I have friends like ossobucco's niece....they're nice enough and I can relate to them. It's just this damn TV which makes a zombie out of this kid (or at least I think so). I wish she'd go out and play. She tells me she never plays in the evening. She does have friends - she talks to them over the phone!!!

Last evening was peaceful too. She said "let;s go out shopping". I said No. She sulked. That's it. But tomorrow is saturday wonder what's in store for me.

Have you had a chance to talk to her mom about this stuff? Like, to find out how much she actually watches TV/ what's normal for her?

Sozlet gets into this bad loop when she watches too much TV -- she's bored more easily, more irritable, etc. It's a big part of why I limit her TV, she's just less pleasant to be around when she's watched too much of it. So it might not be worth it to institute a huge change if your niece really is used to watching that much TV, but if there are actually usually limits, I think you can go ahead and enforce those limits, and it might have a positive effect on the 5-yr-old's attitude.

Yes, I did ask her mom , when I was asking her about their daily routine. I asked kinda indirectly because i didnt want to complain about the kid. She seemed to not mind kid watching TV as long as she completes her school work. Playing physical games seems to be an alien idea

Hmmm. That's too bad.

The pillow fight sounds promising on a few levels. Have you tried starting other physical games with her? Chase, tag, hide and seek, etc.?

Sakhi--

Soz has some good ideas.

You can also announce that you are tired of sitting and demonstrate some stretching. Given the difference in your ages, your Cousin, The Couch Potato, may well be more limber than you are--which might brighten her day considerably.

At least she's getting her school work done.

Unfortunately, if Mama doesn't mind unlimited television, you're forced to grit your teeth and allow unlimited television.

Is Saturday morning in India dominated by cartoons with lots and lots of greedy, gimme commercials?

Yes, Soz has given me some great ideas. no - I haven't tried any other physical game. The pillow fight was impromptu.

I have some work to do and some e-mails to answer, so I came to office. The kids are at home, and I said I'd take them out for a movie "Superman returns" when I return. Well, it was my suggestion, I'll go *mad* if she just sits in front of the TV all day. Not that i'm gonna love "Superman" but it will be better than all day in front of the TV. I'd want to suggest some other outdoor activity (like going to a nearby hill or something) but I know they wont enjoy it.

The little one, I'm told sits quiet at the movies. I asked her mother if it's ok to take her. She said yes. I'm taking the auntie along too. In case the little one bawls, I'll take the little one out and loaf around the mall, and the 5 year old and auntie can finish watching the movie.

I have no clue what they play on TV on saturday mornings, Noddy. We have some cartoon network channel. And we get something called Pogo. She watches it endlessly.
I got a headache last night from sitting in front of the TV....

sakhi, you sound like a great fill-in mom!

I can relate so well to your situation. Most of 'my' kids are older now (8+) but some of the younger ones are surely of the 'tv all the time, let's go shopping' generation. I don't understand it very well bc until them all the kids I had taken care of were on the go 24-7 getting into trouble. But these other ones....it is difficult even to get them interested in snowball fights.

The movie seems like a good idea. Only a few more days, right? So I guess it wouldn't really be worth trying to interest her in anything new (plus the situation). Just some nice time to bond.

Maybe she'll enjoy making breakfast with you? Who knows.

Ahhh, it does feel good to have little ones around though, eh? I think I need a dose of kidattude soon.

Sahki--

Today Superman. Tomorrow, Mommie.

Hang on.

It's all over Finally. Surprisingly, she was good at the movie and mall on saturday. We had a nice time. (Hey, I had fun!!). Mom was right, little one stayed quiet at the movie.

On Sunday, 5 year old was her trying best. She wouldnt eat her breakfast. I said "fine". I don't know how to force children to eat. I let her be. She sulked and was a nuisance, in general. By afternoon she was almost kinda sick. What was wrong? Nothing, she was just too hungry even to move. She ate lunch quietly. Mom came in the evening,picked up her children, and thanked me profusely (of course).

((((Thanks all of you))))

Great job, sakhi! You got through it!

Believe it or not, having your own children is easier than dealing with someone else's -- don't let it put you off having kids. ;-)

How is your cousin's dad?

Sakhi--

Instant Motherhood is exhausting. You finished the course with a certain amount of sparkle and glory.

Congratulations!

Hold your dominion.