be friends with your ex/es?

I have a couple of ex-girlfriends I am still good friends with. I don't regret it in the least. One of them is now married and she and her husband even have me over for dinner once in a while. Granted, that's an exceptional case.

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I haven't seen him for years, but I remained on friendly terms with the ex-boyfried I had before my first marriage. For several years after our breakup we would occassionally talk on the phone, or email. Our breakup was amicable.

As far as my first husband, no, I don't talk to him. There was a reason that marriage ended. I was forced to deal with him about a legal matter long after we divorced, and I had remarried, and it wasn't pleasant.

My husband is on good terms with 2 ex-wives, one of which is the mother of his child, a 25 year old daughter. Both are good women, the marriages just weren't meant to be.

I really like the mother of my husbands daughter, and she likes me. Some people seem surprised at that and I ask them "Why? I didn't break up their marriage, they divorced years before I even met him".

I haven't met his first wife, maybe someday. I have met HER mother, and she's just the nicest person...my husband still calls her "mom".

So, in all, I guess it depends on the individual people involved.

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No. A thousand times no.

If I'd liked them enough to stay friendly, I'd probably still be with them.

But that's just me. I never ended a relationship until it degenerated to the point where I never wanted to see the s.o.b's face again. (Sigh.) I never did know when to give up.

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Friendship is love but after its two wings were broken. i think it won't work Rolling Eyes

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It depends on the couple and the break up. Some couples can be friends after they are done because it wasn't anything serious. Some couples take years or months to be able to even talk to eachother calmly again. One boyfriend of mine moved and we decided to brake up. We stayed in touch and we ended up being really good friends. He still comes over to chill. Another one it took me a year to even want to talk to again. We still have our problems and I still throw rocks at him. And theres one in between. This guy and me broke up and didnt talk for a week. then he came up to my house and apologized. We never did go back out but we have had a couple of flings. We are just friends with benefits.

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I gotta wierd one for ya...lol

A young friend of mine gave birth to her first child this past Saturday, a very beautiful baby boy. While the better half wasn't inclined to be in the delivery room with her, his ex-wife and their 15 yo daughter from their marriage were. LOL They are one big happy family. As strange as this seems, it works for them.

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I have 2 exes.
One has rules from his wife, he hasnt been allowed to to talk to me for years but recently he seems to be openly talking to me while she is around.Though he still looks petrified to do it.
I happy to speak to him by the way.

My other ex hasnt spoken to me since about a month afetr we split up(he had a new lady by the)and hasnt spoken to me since(he isnt local)but I think he is happy to speak to me and im happy to speak to him.I think he doesnt make contact out of respect for his current lady which I suppose is fair enough.

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

I gotta wierd one for ya...lol

A young friend of mine gave birth to her first child this past Saturday, a very beautiful baby boy. While the better half wasn't inclined to be in the delivery room with her, his ex-wife and their 15 yo daughter from their marriage were. LOL They are one big happy family. As strange as this seems, it works for them.

HA!
That's like me and my husbands ex wife....About 3 years back my stepdaughter had a commitment ceremony with her girlfriend. We all split the costs of the wedding down the middle.

At the reception, when all the "young people" took charge of the dance floor, she and I were sitting at an empty table, just looking on at the events, both very happy. Then, my husband came and sat down between us and it sort of felt complete.

I don't know where her husband was at the time, maybe off eating cake. He would've been welcome though.

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Quote:

HA!
That's like me and my husbands ex wife....About 3 years back my stepdaughter had a commitment ceremony with her girlfriend. We all split the costs of the wedding down the middle.

At the reception, when all the "young people" took charge of the dance floor, she and I were sitting at an empty table, just looking on at the events, both very happy. Then, my husband came and sat down between us and it sort of felt complete.

I don't know where her husband was at the time, maybe off eating cake. He would've been welcome though

I just think that says alot about each one of you....very confident, complete adults. It might seem strange to some, but I think its sweet.

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baseballchic wrote:

It depends on the couple and the break up. Some couples can be friends after they are done because it wasn't anything serious. Some couples take years or months to be able to even talk to eachother calmly again. One boyfriend of mine moved and we decided to brake up. We stayed in touch and we ended up being really good friends. He still comes over to chill. Another one it took me a year to even want to talk to again. We still have our problems and I still throw rocks at him. And theres one in between. This guy and me broke up and didnt talk for a week. then he came up to my house and apologized. We never did go back out but we have had a couple of flings. We are just friends with benefits.

baseballchic...from other posts you have indicated you are 14 years old. If you are in the US that mean you are either in the 8th grade, or a freshman in high school.

yet...you talk about months/years of "relationships", keeping in touch, having flings, "friends with benefits"

If you really are 14 years old, you don't really have a grasp on time frames and what a "relationship" between a man and a woman entails. Quite frankly, you may be biologically a woman, but you wouldn't yet fall into the catagory of 'woman'. Not if you are throwing rocks at someone. You are more of a young lady. And a male of the same age definitely cannot be considered a "man".

Define for me your understanding of the word "fling" and the expression "friends with benefits"

Also, because of your age, you cannot possibly have been going with any one boy for any significant amount of time. The math obviously does not add up.

Actually, my impression, from looking at your other posts, is that you are not a 14 year old girl, but perhaps a boy of some younger age, or a really bored man.

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actually im going to be a sophmore. bored man? you know a lot of things have changed since you were our age. girls and guys do have more knowledge and experience nowadays. throwing rocks is not even relevent to this. yes i have thrown rocks at guys and yes i have had to deal with the punishments. either way what i know is really none of your business.

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baseballchic wrote:

actually im going to be a sophmore. bored man? you know a lot of things have changed since you were our age. girls and guys do have more knowledge and experience nowadays. throwing rocks is not even relevent to this. yes i have thrown rocks at guys and yes i have had to deal with the punishments. either way what i know is really none of your business.

well now, that's a very mature attitude.

baseballchick....every single generation since the dawn of man has said the the exact same thing in regard to their generation "A lot of things have changed since you were our age...."

What? does the penis no longer go in the vagina, mouth or anus? Has this new generation found another opening? Are hand jobs no longer given?

Let's see....do girls no longer get pregnant when they screw with no birth control?
Are there suddenly sexual diseases that are spread through sex that us old fogies don't know about? Let's see...AIDS, Herpes, gonerrhea, spyhillis clamidia, genital warts?

I'm very open to having an interesting discussion with you bbc...but don't start flinging the monkey feces around that "things have changed"

guess what, f*cking is f*cking....
horny is horny....
a blow job is a blow job....

homosexuality, bisexuality, sadism, masochism, fetishes, orgies, group sex have been around since the dawn of man....you didn't come up with it. People have been sticking stuff up inside themselves and getting into every possible position long before you were born.

Don't flatter yourself bbc....if you can tell me one thing I don't know about sexually, you get a prize.

And here's the voice of experience speaking....if you tell me what you know is really none of my business...that's because you're wet behind the ears and don't know as much as you think. I'd bet you my next paycheck you're running around with more misinformation than you would believe is possible.

You're new on A2K, and I hope you stay around. We need fresh young attitudes, and I hope we can be friends. It's a lot of fun here.

But because you're new, let me tell ya this.....Every generation thinks they invented sex, that's nothing new....in my mind I personally came up with the idea....

Believe me, I've had a lot more sex, a lot more orgasms, as have most of the people here, than you have.

So get off your high horse before other experienced sexologists like lash, linkat, shewolf, bella, makesmeshiver, cyphercat (ok, maybe not cyphercat) come along and tell how it is.

(sorry cypher, you're just a kitten)

The women on this forum have developed strong relationships, you invited to join.

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chai tea wrote:

well now, that's a very mature attitude.

is that supposed to be sarcastic? i didnt mean to imply that i knew more about sex or whatever. but im just saying for my age i do happen to have more experience than other pppl might. and what i meant by things have changed is that kids today are more sexually active than back then so to speak. they think there is nothing wrong with sex as long as you have some form of protection. sure they have more sexual knowledge for their age but they are oblivious to the fact of stds. they think that protection against pregnancy means protection against stds. but that is not at all the case. i didnt mean the "things have changed" in a in your face kind of way. and all i meant by what i know is none of your business is i thought you were trying to grill me for offering some information from my own experiences so far. and yes i know that i am not the first bisexual around and my some of my lesbian friends arent the first homosexuals to ever be born but in this era ppl think it is so wrong that they freak when they see someone different than themselves. the fact that i talk months or years of relationships isnt all from my own experience either. some of it is from things i have seen.

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

I just think that says alot about each one of you....very confident, complete adults. It might seem strange to some, but I think its sweet.

I agree. And I think it takes a lot of maturity to be able to talk to your ex without getting all mad or something in some cases. I guess it just depends on how strong the relationship was. But what you said was definately right.

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sincere or not?
Allow me to preface this post with an apology for any cynicism this may convey, but ...

As I look over all the recent topics and commentary that the author of this thread has made on A2K in TOTAL, I wonder if this is truly a sincere question from a 14-yr-old girl? Could this all be just a ruse?

Does anyone here feel that this person might be older (based on the language and types of questions posed)? My felt sense is that this is written by an older person, perhaps not even female.

Not that it's impossible for the author to be a 14-yr-old female, but certain wording and thought process just doesn't seem to jibe here.

Anyone else feel this way, too?

For the moment, I will suspend any comment and just wait and see where this goes.

Signed,

Doubting Thomas

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Quote:

Im 14 years old and I have had some sexual contact. I want to tell my mom but I dont have a clue how. Its so complicated. I dont know how to start a conversation with her about it. She is really stric ...

BBC, this quote of yours from the Relationship & Marriage post contradicts this post below...please explain?

Quote:

i didnt mean to imply that i knew more about sex or whatever. but im just saying for my age i do happen to have more experience than other pppl might.

Quote:

and what i meant by things have changed is that kids today are more sexually active than back then so to speak.

Ummm, no they aren't. They aren't more sexually active than we were, maybe younger.....

There were just as many teens involved in sex back in the 50's, 60's, 70's and on....as there are today. We just had a different approach with it.

We didn't text message, or pm half a dozen people and announce it, if our best friend was lucky,...they might get told. We didn't hold bragging rights to how many sexual escapades we have endured, and we weren't up there in people's faces about it with public displays.

Teens today take a very defensive approach to it. They take shame in remaining virgins. Where there is nothing wrong with it.

The only thing these teens today get today about being sexually advanced is a loss of self-respect, a chance at a STD, that won't be cured with an antibiotic, or an unwanted pregnancy.

Quote:

and yes i know that i am not the first bisexual around and my some of my lesbian friends arent the first homosexuals to ever be born but in this era ppl think it is so wrong that they freak when they see someone different than themselves.

Now your bi-sexual?

Again, as I mentioned above, defensive.

We don't freak...its the fact that we are put on the defensive.

No..I do not agree with your sexuality choices at 14, but if we were in public and you were being obnoxious about displaying your sexuality, shoving it down my throat...like I have seen some do...Yeah, I'd have attitude, especially since your 14 years old. If you were an adult with that choice, I wouldn't look at you any differently than I do anyone else....

Wanna know why? Out of respect. They aren't shoving their sexuality choices down my throat, nor am I shoving mine down theres.

Teenagers need to show others respect to gain it.

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Quote:

As I look over all the recent topics and commentary that the author of this thread has made on A2K in TOTAL, I wonder if this is truly a sincere question from a 14-yr-old girl? Could this all be just a ruse?

Does anyone here feel that this person might be older (based on the language and types of questions posed)? My felt sense is that this is written by an older person, perhaps not even female.

Not that it's impossible for the author to be a 14-yr-old female, but certain wording and thought process just doesn't seem to jibe here.

Anyone else feel this way, too?

Your not the only Doubting Thomas on this thread...lol

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ok - fair enough bbc - however, don't be so sure about teens having sex earlier....that all depends on the part of the country you live in.

In many of the generations before both of ours it was expected for a female to be married by her mid teens. Remember, people have been around a long, long time.

In todays society, it is more generally accepted for people to perhaps wait a little longer to have sex...that gives them ample opportunity to get as much education as they can so they can live a better life....

Early sexuality does in many cases lead to lower socio-economic circumstances. Your chances for early marriage and early motherhood increase, leading to a decrease in other opportunities.

Your experiences to date are what your experiences are...I'm not putting that down. But I do know you will look back on the age you are now, and wonder about how you could have thought you knew so much about relationships between a man and a woman. No doubt you will laugh at yourself, and believe me, laughing at yourself is a really good thing.

Everyone writing here as been 14 at one time, we really do know what it's like. As a matter of fact, it's a good thing for me to remember what it all felt like.

You'll find down the line that this "staying on good terms with exes" will take on a whole new meaning.

When I married my husband, my step daughter was your age, well, she was actually 13, close enough. Because of their shared love for this young lady, my husband and his ex-wife stayed on good terms, in order to make her life better. As I mentioned before, I always like his ex-wife, because, hey, they were divorced long before I even met him. However, that's not to say that situations didn't come up where I had to step back from my relationship with all the parties involved, in order for them to have theirs.

It's not as simple as coming over to your house to apologize, or being able to "hang" or "chill" with each other. It's paying for someone's education, ensuring they are cared for, providing discipline and guidance and many other things. Getting along in many cases can be read as Working Together.

OH! I just remembered something funny..doesn't have to do with sex at an earlier age, but sex in general.

I'm sure you have the idea that someone let's say in their 60's either waited until marriage to have sex, or at least waited a long time, and then did it in the dark, under covers, with all their clothes on....
Well, my first husband was 16 years older than me (picture that, you'd be married to someone who wasn't even born yet) anyway, that was many years ago, and now, he's in his 60's.

I asked him at one point, "When you were a teen, or in your 20's, how long did you wait to have sex with someone you were dating?"

He thought for a second and said...."Oh, by the 3rd date"

I don't have any opinion one way or another is you're a virgin or not. But, just as a referance point, it's not something to be to be proud of, as far as bragging you've lost it by a particular age....the day may come where you wished you had waited.

Many times you'll meet someone so special, a woman will think...I wish I was doing it the first time with him.

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Re: sincere or not?

ragman(orig) wrote:

Allow me to preface this post with an apology for any cynicism this may convey, but ...

As I look over all the recent topics and commentary that the author of this thread has made on A2K in TOTAL, I wonder if this is truly a sincere question from a 14-yr-old girl? Could this all be just a ruse?

Does anyone here feel that this person might be older (based on the language and types of questions posed)? My felt sense is that this is written by an older person, perhaps not even female.

Not that it's impossible for the author to be a 14-yr-old female, but certain wording and thought process just doesn't seem to jibe here.

Anyone else feel this way, too?

For the moment, I will suspend any comment and just wait and see where this goes.

Signed,

Doubting Thomas

Oh yeah.....I'm thinking it's either one of our "usual suspects" trying to raise an eyebrow....definately.

However, I'll play the game....

I'm betting pretty russian or Roxanne....what do you think shivers?

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be friends with your ex/es?

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