12 years and 5 orgasms

Hi there crushed,

What does she think about this?

Is your sex life pretty good except for the orgasms? Do you have sex often enough, does she enjoy it?

And (last question, sorry), how old is she?

Male and female orgasms are very different -- I honestly didn't know I'd had one the first 3 or 4 times, and I don't think that could be said for men. Female orgasms also differ a lot from person to person, and differ from orgasm to orgasm for each person.

This article has one of the best descriptions of different types of female orgasm I've seen in print. Brief excerpt, I encourage you to read the whole thing (it's long but entertaining, and free!):



I'll stop there for now. Basically, don't worry about it too much, start learning (from external sources and from her), and have fun with the process.

One factoid in the article is that according to Oprah, 43% of women have this problem. As in, really not uncommon, don't freak out about it too much. And to your credit that you want to do something about it.

I did some reading on the net about this a while back. Dr. Dodson? has some good info. Google search orgasm should help.

One thing I remember is to get a Hitachi Magic Wand to "awaken" a sleeping libido and actually teach her how to have an orgasm. From what I remember a woman must use it or loose it (ability to orgasm).

FWIW, I bought a Hitachi and tried it on my wife(her willingly of course) and she said it was too much vibration. We just tried it a little and after talking to her she said she might want to try it again. They are expensive, but I thought it might add another spark and some more fun for her.

Just some thoughts, good luck and don't pressure her and communicate. (My main problems)

43%?!

OMG, you've GOT to be KIDDING!!!

That's according to Oprah according to the article, I didn't look for source material. Surprised me too, might not be accurate, I dunno.

Good advice, LuckyLad.

To be honest this is a problem only she can solve, and its very sweet of you crushd to care so much but in my opinion it is a lot more difficult for women to come with a partner that without one.

I found a book in my mums bedside cupboard that i read once, about how to improve your orgasms. it basically gives women 'steps' to follow through first seeing if they can mastabate on their own without the intention to come, then seeing if they can make themselves come, and then how quickly, how many in a row, with your partner, etc. building up through sex.
I started doing the programme even though i was only about 16 at the time, so i wouldnt be one of those women who couldnt come, and it did make me improve my ability to orgasm totally.
i cant remember what the book was called but if any of this is any use i shall try and find the book and tell you.

you are asking the wrong questions. You ask why has my wife had only 5 orgasms in 12 years and you agonize over it.

I suggest that instead you ask the question, in 12 years when we have had sex how many times have I orgasmed?

I think you'll find the answer to that question takes a much more positive tone.

The glass is, at the very least, half full.

Perspective. The key to a happy life.

No pressure to make her come. what a dream run.

Inorgasmia can be caused by chemical imbalances, medication, or other factors. She should see physician to check any medications she taking, etc.

But only if she wants to. some women I know are perfectly happy with their sex life just the way it is.

Crushed, I seriously wouldnt push this and get all worked up about it, by all means make the offer to be of assistance if you can, however putting your wife and yourself under pressure unnecissarily will only make things worse.

Ps Try outdoor sex, a change is as good as a holiday :wink:

if she cant come indoors with someone she has been sleeping with for over 12 years then i doubt she would be able to come outside.

i think more females need to you advise you crushed.
men quite often dont really understand why females cant come because they never really experience this kind of problem.

Haven't commented yet, but keep coming back to this thread, wondering about the poster....




I don't see anywhere where SHE says she's unhappy about the situation, or where she she's this as any sort of problem.

If she's satisfied with the way things are, there no "problem"

To me, the poster is the one making an issue over this, he's the one "agonizing" over it. He doesn't want, IMO to give her an orgasm, he wants to MAKE her have an orgasm. The thought of him trying to accomplish this over the course of 3 hours feels like it's all about him, nothing about her.

I'm wondering if she was just going along with this (and don't flatter yourself that because she was seemingly into it that she was). Perhaps she was grateful when you finally gave up.

3 hours, Jesus Christ, I got other things to do.

Why not just accept her and love her the way she is? Otherwise, she may start to dread having sex with you altogether, knowing she's turned into your private science experiment.

I'd like to hear what your wifes feelings about this are.

I reckon masterbation is the key.Let her do her thang, you can watch.Let her get in tune with her own body then hopefully she will let you join in.
Certainly dont put pressure on either of yourselves, there is nothing worse than trying to force the big O(and by that I dont mean Roy Orbison)

yes. what does she think?
Plus, if she knows you are trying to make her come and thats your only aim it will completely lessen her chances.

I got the impression she didnt like talking about it.

My thoughts exactly chai.

Wow, there have been so many repsonses to this over the weekend! I thank every one of you for your concern, questions, and comments. A lot of the questions asked are slightly redundant, so I will try and just give a general explaination and answer session...

First, she is upset about it also, but not to the point where it ruins sex for her or anything. I think a lot of people are misunderstanding the reason why I am upset so much, or was upset anyways. One thing you need to understand is that I was fairly upset when I made that post. The other thing is that the bigger issue for me was the fact that she never told me about this. I felt almost betrayed that she felt that it was too hard or whatever to talk to me about this. It was very hurtful to me. Communication is the only way a relationship can survive. That was my major cause for my feelings on this issue. Getting back to the secondary lack of orgasm issue... Almost all the fun of sex for me is dedicating myself to her. Finding out that after all these years we havent been able to achive this made me feel like I wasnt doing a good enough job. Almost like I had failed, and continued to fail for so many years. That was my inital reaction, I really blamed myself fully. Within 24 hours I had time for my brain to mull things over and my outlook and feelings on the subject have changed a lot. As i am sure many of you know, the male ego can be a pretty fragile thing. As much as I would like to think I am above all that, it really was a blow to my ego at first. Now I realize this isnt a matter of who is at fault, and it is not a problem, it is a matter of something we both would like to see happen, and can work at through communication and (the best part ) practice!

We have had a couple discussions on the subject over the weekend. I came up with the idea of a numbers system. While we are making love, we use numbers to help the other person know what feels good or bad, better or worse. We start out at 1 and go up and/or down, until hopefully reaching 10 (orgasm). She liked the idea, and we have tried it out twice over the weekend. It was kinda fun for the both of us, but it took some getting used to since we are both nearly silent during intercourse normally. Altho she got to 9, she just stayed there. She said she always feels like that. She always seems to get very very close, but never gets quite to that 10 mark. Even tho I have read not to do it, and I do not try to, I think since she has told me about this we are putting a lot of pressure on ourselves. This isnt helping things at all. She enjoys sex, and I think we just need to go back to what we were doing before, but keep trying to communicate and perhaps keep up with the numbers game.

I would like to address a few posts directly if I may:



It really makes me mad that you would think that. Saying that I dont want to give her an orgasm, I want to make her orgasm is flat out rude. Any person who would have control issues like that just makes me sick. Saying I think its all about me actually kind of pisses me off. If I thought that it was all about me, then I just wouldnt give a rats arse about any of this and wouldnt give it a second thought. As far as the 3 hours thing... First, the 3 hour number was from when we first starting foreplay until the point where we went to bed. It wasnt 3 straight hours nonstop. Second, I was the one who asked if it was ok to stop because I was getting tired. She said she understood, but asked if we could try again the next night. Furthermore, when you say "the thought of him trying to accomplish this..." ME trying to accomplish this? Its a mutual thing that WE were trying to accomplish. Also, at what point did I even come close to so much as infering that I dont love her now or dont accept her the way she is? Im sorry if I am coming off as a bit harse or defensive, but I really dont think the way you addressed that possibility was very tactful at all.





I will ask her, but that does sound like something we would be interested in. Can you check into the name of that book? I am sure she would at least like to look into it if nothing else.

Don't forget that it might be genetic:

STAFFORDSHIRE, England, June 7-Genetics may also play a role in women's inability to achieve orgasm from sexual intercourse or masturbation, according to a study of twins, both monozygotic and dizygotic.

"This study shows that there is a significant genetic component to variation in female orgasmic function that has not been reported previously," said Kate M. Dunn, M.D., of the Primary Care Sciences Research Center at Keele University here.

Full article:
Women's genetics and orgasm

Well sug, I don't see your wife coming on here to talk about it....


If you don't like what I say....don't read it. This is an open forum.