Wife and I are in mid 30's, 2 kids 10yrs and 7yrs. We love kids, we don't use birth control and I've thought about ........hard to say this but.........................I've thought about getting "cut". Do any of you regret not having more kids? Are we just about too old? How did you all decide when to stop having kids?
I've gone through this same thought process -- we have a 5.5-yr-old, and have agonized about whether to have another. We decided pretty much for sure that we wouldn't have another about six months ago. Since then I've thought "well, if we're not having another, maybe one of us should just get 'fixed'...?" But:
1.) I still want to leave the window open a bit longer, just in case
2.) I have no particular problems with birth control pills (hence my first question), and they have even been shown to afford some health benefits.
3.) Getting "fixed" is still time, expense, and pain, while
4.) It's not 100% effective. (We know people who had a surprise addition to the family after the guy had surgery).
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sozobe
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Sat 3 Jun, 2006 07:51 am
As for your last question:
We considered a ton of things, from how our kid feels about it (she's been steadfast about not wanting a sibling), to how we feel about it in our guts (we both have an instinctive "GACK!" reaction when we think about it), to what our lives are like (my husband already works insane hours and doesn't have much time/ attention to spare for another kid), to what my plans are (I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom but also always planned to go back to work after the kid starts school, if I had another kid that would be delaying my re-entry into the workforce for another 5-6 years), to the fact that we're finally starting to feel on top of things, to the fact that I'm getting older and chances of problems with the pregnancy/ birth are increasing. And many more factors, besides. Really depends on the individual family.
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Noddy24
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Sat 3 Jun, 2006 01:44 pm
LuckyLad--
Why not borrow a baby for a week or so and see if an intensive refresher in non-verbal communication helps you make up your mind?
I'm serious. I'm sure you know of a young couple who needs a little break from parenthood.
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Chai
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Sat 3 Jun, 2006 02:57 pm
I've never had children, and my husband had a vasectomy before we even met.
For me, it was a huge selling point for out developing relationship.
For him, he has one daugther, who is now 25.
He did not want children, she did, they had a baby.
He went when his dter was about 9 months old, had the deed done, and has never regretted the decision.
BTW - he has a great relationship w/ her and has enjoyed all the stages of her life.
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Eva
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Sat 3 Jun, 2006 06:52 pm
I can't believe nobody has asked....
How does your wife feel about this? Does she want more children...or not?
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JPB
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Sat 3 Jun, 2006 08:30 pm
Re: Done having kids......or not?
LuckyLad wrote:
Wife and I are in mid 30's, 2 kids 10yrs and 7yrs. We love kids, we don't use birth control and I've thought about ........hard to say this but.........................I've thought about getting "cut". Do any of you regret not having more kids? Are we just about too old? How did you all decide when to stop having kids?
I started having kids in my mid 30's. You certainly aren't too old. I decided to stop when my second child was born. Two was fine with me, probably becauses I was in my mid 30s
If you love kids, want more kids, and have the means to provide for more kids, then have more kids. Otherwise - don't!
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ralpheb
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Sun 4 Jun, 2006 12:11 am
My wife and I decided to stop because we are in our mid 40's (45 to be exact) and we only stopped because we realize that we will be in our mid 60's when our youngest will be headed to college.
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Eva
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Sun 4 Jun, 2006 12:17 pm
Our best friends, who are the best parents we know, had their two children when they were in their early 40s. You're certainly not too old! The real questions, as J_B said, are whether you want another child and whether you can support one.
Again I ask...how does your wife feel about this, LuckyLad?
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LuckyLad
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 12:40 pm
My wife & I feel the same, we just don't know. We do baby sit for my wife's cousin a few times, and we do enjoy it. My wife is a stay at home Mom and I bring home the "bacon". We could support another child, but we just don't know if we want to take time away from our other two children. This is a life changing decision and we don't want to take it lightly. I guess things are going fine the way they are, so why add to it. This may sound stupid, but there will be no more: first steps, diapers, first Christmas, ..........................tough decison. Even if we have another we may be in the same situation again in 7 years. I just don't know.....................................I just don't know.
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Miller
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 12:42 pm
Chai Tea wrote:
I've never had children, and my husband had a vasectomy before we even met.
For me, it was a huge selling point for out developing relationship.
For him, he has one daugther, who is now 25.
He did not want children, she did, they had a baby.
He went when his dter was about 9 months old, had the deed done, and has never regretted the decision.
BTW - he has a great relationship w/ her and has enjoyed all the stages of her life.
Better watchout! vasectomies have been know to become "leaky"!
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Chai
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 01:08 pm
you know, that's one of the first things that many people say.
No one ever says "be careful on those birth control pills, IUD, diaphram, cervical cap, or whatever else, sometimes they don't work!"
Like the sperm makes a special effort to drill a hole through the scar tissue, throw some leads across the broken vas deferens, valiantly cross over the chasm, take a coffee break. start hammering away at more scar tissue, to seek out the sacred egg.
The chances of that are so small, and I'm perimenepausal. It doesn't keep me awake at night.
Next time someone mentions birth control pills, tell them there's still a chance they can get pregnant. They'll give you an odd look.
Like is just full of risk.
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sozobe
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 02:19 pm
That reminds me, LuckyLad, WHY aren't you guys using any birth control?
Unless you're purposely doing some sort of "we're letting god/ fate/ whatever decide," it seems like the least you can do is use reversible birth control (pills, whatever) until you DO decide.
I completely sympathize with the difficulty of making a decision, though. I had a long thread where I was agonizing about that decision (whether or not to have another kid). If you're interested in seeing it, and some of the advice I got, let me know.
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Noddy24
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 03:50 pm
Chai--
Quote:
Like the sperm makes a special effort to drill a hole through the scar tissue, throw some leads across the broken vas deferens, valiantly cross over the chasm, take a coffee break. start hammering away at more scar tissue, to seek out the sacred egg.
On another thread Dlowan observed that this sort of reasoning was imbedded in the male psyche--self-image corner, way on the far side of quiche.
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Eva
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 04:09 pm
LuckyLad wrote:
This may sound stupid, but there will be no more: first steps, diapers, first Christmas, ..........................tough decison. Even if we have another we may be in the same situation again in 7 years. I just don't know.....................................I just don't know.
It doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds like you really do want another child. Especially since you've said you're not using birth control, either.
Believe me, when the time comes that you are HAPPY about no more first steps, no more diapers, no more first Christmases....THEN you'll know you don't want any more children. And you'll double check your birth control method every time, just to make sure!
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Chai
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 04:12 pm
Noddy24 wrote:
Chai--
Quote:
Like the sperm makes a special effort to drill a hole through the scar tissue, throw some leads across the broken vas deferens, valiantly cross over the chasm, take a coffee break. start hammering away at more scar tissue, to seek out the sacred egg.
On another thread Dlowan observed that this sort of reasoning was imbedded in the male psyche--self-image corner, way on the far side of quiche.
I have no idea what you mean.
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dyslexia
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 04:13 pm
The lady Diane and meself have not yet reached the point in our lives where were ready to amke such a decision.
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LuckyLad
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 04:36 pm
Sozobe, we use the "pull & shoot" method. The pill makes wife sick amoung some other things (of which I can't remember), and I don't think the pill is that safe on a womans body, AND she has trouble remembering things. I guess we also put into God's hands.
Chances are I'll go in this winter to get it done. Thought I'd see what ya'll have to say, you may bring up something we haven't thought about or make us think harder.
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Noddy24
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 06:39 pm
Chai--
Quote:
I have no idea what you mean.
The stereotype of the male reproductive system in all its parts and products being lusty, vigourous, powerful, masculine to Get That Passive Egg Fertilized.
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Chai
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Wed 7 Jun, 2006 06:59 pm
oh, ok...I get it now...
I just don't know why so many people have to make that comment. What is it about that particular method of birth control that compells others to point out that, like every other method, there is a failure rate?
If I could go back in time, when someone would warn me of the chance of a vasectomy "not working" I'd point blank ask them...
"So, tell me what I should do."
you know, lob the ball back into their court.
Whenever I see a woman smoking, I'm going to ask them if they take birth control pills, and if they say yes, inform them of the risk of blood clots....at least that might serve some purpose.
"hey idiot, did you know that smoking that stinking cigarette will not only give you cancer, heart disease, lung problems, but will also give you blood clots if you're on the pill?"
They have a lot more to worry about than I do.
Oh, as long as I'm being a bitch, here's another piece of advise from yesteryear I could have done without....
You're holding someone elses baby, admiring it and all, and someone who can't stand the thought of you're being in charge of your own reproductive system wags her finger at you and says "Caaaareful, that's caaaatching" in that stupid sing song voice.
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