How to handle a possible "fake" illness?

There may be another reason why she doesnt want to be at school.
maybe she is being bullied or having touble in a class.
I think there may be a reason other than wanting a day off, its best to ask and find out.

No TV or other "fun" activities would be my response.

And bland food.

And pedialyte.

And an early bedtime.

I just remembered.
My mum conjured up a cunning plan to find out if i was genuinely ill when i was little.
She would tickle me.
If I laughed i was fine, if I was grumpy I was genuinely ill.

I am not worried about figuring out whether she is sick or not (but great tickling idea). I sent to her school even though she was complaining about not feeling well.

I plan on doing similar as Drewdad said - she is doing her schoolwork and then no fun. To bed.

I can't blame the school for sending her home - they can't possibly know, and they are doing simply what they need to do. Should I call the school and mention how healthly she became five minutes after getting home - see if I can bring her tomorrow?

I will ask her questions about school - but I do know most of the kids. It is a small school so everyone knows everyone. I doubt some one is bullying her, but you never know or it could be something else. And seems seems really happy there.

I once faked sick in the 3rd grade because I had procrastinated doing a report that was due. A friend of mine's son would fake sick because he was bored with his school work. It turns out he needed to be in a more advanced class. Kids have a different sense of things, I guess. A different way of communicating.

I used to fake sick whenever I could get away with it because school bored the hell out of me.

It's interesting to me that as adults we're allowed all sorts of sick time, personal time, "mental health" days, etc., and use them to our advantage to decompress or just goof off, but we never seem to think a kid might need the same thing.

Do you think it is odd that she did the same thing last year - just around the same time of year? I don't know if this would factor in, but she is in 1st grade.

My son has to be running a fever to stay at home. If he says his stomach hurts, I give him some medicine and he goes anyway. If he throws up at school, I know they'll call me and I'll come get him. If he has a headache, I give him some Tylenol and take him to school.

Sick days at home are no fun. He has to stay in the bed or on the couch. TV and reading are allowed, but no games. No computer. No friends. No phone calls. No fun at all. And I'll get his homework from his teachers so he can work on that when he starts to feel better.

(He doesn't get sick very often.)

My parents never put up with fake illnesses. Neither do I. We all have to learn to work through minor discomfort.

How many days are left in the school year?

My son (kindergarten) did this one day last week, the last week of school for him. I'm not really sure why. But I just let him have a do nothing day and sent him back the next day. It could have been that he was asserting some control over the schedule, or that he felt the school year winding down and thought it would be a good time to take a day off, or any number of things. My approach is, if they're not obviously sick but are complaining, to try to distract them into confessing they are feeling better. Like the tickling trick or reminding them of something fun they will miss if they stay home. If that doesn't work, I usually let them just take the day. Now, if this started to happen a lot more frequently, I'm not sure what I would do but I would have to start setting some limits. Suggesting that they need to see the doctor if they're sick usually lets them know that there is a limit to how many times they can fake it.

Oh my, we have had this fake illnesses too, especially in first and
second grade. My daughter is quite the actress and the teachers
were very concerned about her welfare, and I had to leave the office
in a rush to pick her up, despite not having any fever.

The minute we got home, she felt sooo much better already. Instead
of letting her of the hook, I stuck her into bed for at least 2 hours
and afterwards she wasn't allowed to play or watch TV either.

That pretty much cured her from faking illness, but not entirely, as
she has tried it every year so far. But now I tell the teachers that
she should touch it out, and only if she has fever or starts vomiting,
I'll pick her up.

Eva - you are a girl after my heart. I did the same thing this morning - no fever - a little tummy ache - still sent her to school - she looked fine - made her bed this morning and practiced her spelling with no problems. I don't think you should reward and allow a child to stay home just because they want to - and unlike the one poster here - I don't do it at work myself - not everyone does and once you work you do get paid time off. However, when going to school you get summers off and various weeks off during the school year - more time than an average worker gets.

There is two and a half weeks left of school. The problem is I cannot afford to stay home with my daughter as I work fulltime and will need to use my paid time off. What happens when I get sick? I am more than willing to take off if my child is really sick, but cannot afford to take a day here and there because she doesn't feel like going to school.

Also she is not allowed to go to school tomorrow because she was sick in school today. But she really isn't sick. She has not complained once of her tummy in the last hour. Even setting aside the issue of my work - I would not want to "reward" her faking this illness. My daughter is very smart about things like this - she will see that she can now get away with not going to school simply by telling the teacher she feels sick and they will send her home. She did this last year and she tries this same trick at night when she doesn't want to go to bed.

CJ - I did the same thing beginning of this year. The teacher sends out an information package on the students. In it she also allows space for other information the teacher should be aware of - I did write about her previous "faking". However, in this case, I think it was the office that determined to send her home and not the teacher.

In this case, would you call the school? If she is not sick, I can always drop my daughter off at my mom's house for the day, so really childcare is not the issue. On one hand what is the big deal about missing a couple of days especially if she keeps up with her schoolwork.

I just talked with my daughter. I asked her how was school - does she like it - etc. She seems fine about everything in regard to school. When I asked her why she wanted me to pick her up - she said my tummy really did hurt me.

I then explained how I have so many days I can take off from work. That if I use them to pick her up from school if she isn't really sick that is one less day that I can use to do something fun with her - like going on a trip or the beach. I explained that it was really important that she is healthy and I do need to pick her up if she is sick, but if she isn't really we will have one less day for something special.

She also was over at the computer where I am trying to get attention. She wants to play. I told her she needs to either do her schoolwork or lie down. She said she feels better - I said it doesn't matter - if you are out of school for a sick day you need to stay in bed.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to tell the school that she isn't sick and that you're sending her tomorrow. It doesn't make sense to give her another day when she wasn't even sick to begin with. Have you tried telling her that you'll have to take her to the doctor? I would say something like this: disappearing tummy aches might mean there is something serious wrong with you, we better take you to the doctor and find out what it is.

I have the luxury of being able to work from home, so even though it is inconvenient, I don't mind taking a day here or there for things like this as long as it isn't a frequent occurrence. My son has missed 3 days all school year, only one of which was questionable. The other two were due to verifiable illness. But I can see how it would be a much bigger deal if he wasn't allowed to return the next day or if I had to use my already feeble PTO to cover it.

Freeduck - unfortunately the threat of going to the doctor's wouldn't be a threat. My daughter actually likes to go to the doctor. She would probably want to go. Yes, she is a strange one.

I could work from home too depending on the day. Unfortunately there are some things I need to do face to face and today was one of them. I was able (what choice do you have?) to give one item to the person that reports to me and have him handle the meeting. But the other I had to have some one arrange another meeting tomorrow for me. I can't really push it out much further.

Linkat, I had told the school that my daughter is not sick, they should
know that they have an aspiring actress in front of them.

Besides that, I am trying to teach her responsibility, and that every
choice she makes will have repercussions. If I let her stay home despite
me knowing she is not sick, then I'll send her the message that it is
okay to fake illness if she likes to get out of her responsibilities.

It is the lesson she needs to learn. Don't we all know people in
the office who call in sick on a Monday morning? They don't give a rats
about their co-workers or about work ethics. Well, these things are
not taught in adulthood, they start very early on.

CJ - that is exactly what I am afraid of - the message you give your child - not so much missing the day of school or me missing a day of work. There is a reason for sick days at work. Fortunately for me I rarely get sick so I typically don't use them - at least for myself.

I also think my daughter may really have had a tummy ache (although not so severe as to warrant going home). Any change in my daughter's schedule has always resulted in problems sleeping, complaining of being sick, etc. Having a long weekend may have been just enough to throw her schedule off again.

My thoughts exactly!

My son is 12 now, but I remember making several unnecessary trips to the school nurse's office when he was in 1st and 2nd grade. He was testing the limits then...on everything, not just school attendance. I agree with CJ completely. It's not the day here and there that matters, it's the lesson.

In 2nd grade, he complained about stomach aches so much that I really did take him to the doctor. Turns out he was just badly constipated. Seems that's really common at that age. For several months, he took a tablet daily, which seemed to solve that problem nicely. Then he went through a major growth spurt and didn't have any problem with it after that.