I have a question for you...

Eva, as usual, you are right on... I wish I could have let you have the last word because it was perfect but I just had to tell you, so I have it

I can tell from the answers, Mame, that you're looking more for solidarity with you & your daughter than for diverse input, but I'm gonna be the spoilsport I'm afraid... ;-)


Well, if it is gonna happen every time, then yes, she'll certainly be right to make a fuss then.

If its their mother who died - I mean, I can see how her death, of course, would have been grievous to everyone, but it is their mother - I'm sorry, but that, IMO, is not the moment to make trouble between them over practicalities. That's a moment to set your own sensitivities aside for the moment.

That said, of course, it would probably also be a great idea for the two of them to get out for a weekend on their own, no family around, just to spend some time together.

But, again, from the sound of it, that was not what this time was about, was it? I mean, it was clear from the start the whole family was supposed to be there, going together? So if that was the problem, and your daughter would simply rather just have had the weekend alone with him, and there is somehow (work? children?) no chance at all to do both, then she should have brought it up before, when the idea was first hatched. That is not something that should then come out after all over something like sharing a tent.

What I mean to say is, it sounds like this trip was really important for your SIL; that, after their mother's death, it really meant a great deal to him that they would all go on a trip away together. So if that all threatened to fall apart because she didnt want to share their tent, I can see how he got emotional/frustrated. Doesnt make it right to make such a fight over it, but I could see where he's coming from.

Then again, I probably lack the sensitivity re: sharing a tent with someone of the other gender that different posters have expressed here. Most of my friends are women, so I've shared a tent, a room, whatever, with women who were not my girlfriend, and neither they nor I was particularly uncomfortable about it ... that might be a cultural thing.

Hey nimh... thanks for your response. The weekend was not about the two of them; my daughter planned it for everyone. She shares in their grief and she's a part of their family. She gives to them all the time, as I have mentioned. She just doesn't think she should have to sleep with them. I think that's reasonable. The boys said they'd sleep in the car; her husband said No No, share with us. That's when she balked. Perhaps she just needs more personal space than her husband? Or maybe she's just drawing a line not to be crossed...you know, she'll give but only to a point...

They have since resolved the issue. I have always felt she had a right to her feelings, as does he. He's a wonderful person and he loves her dearly. I think he's making as many sacrifices for her as she is for him... I'm sure he'd rather spend more time with his family than he does, for example...and I'm sure she feels overwhelmed by them at times... it's all about compromise, isn't it...

thanks again for taking the time to respond

(Quick note about cultural issues, I'm the same in terms of it being kind of shruggy -- no woman [or man] should have to do pretty much anything, but as a general concept I can't get very exercised about the idea of being in a tent with my BIL -- we'd probably put my husband in the middle, what's gonna happen?) (Then again, I'm someone who shared co-ed bathrooms with a bunch of guys in a clothes-optional house, so I'm probably more inured to this kinda thing than most. :-P)

Anyway, the most important thing is that they've worked it out, good for them.

I'm with ehBeth. Buying a tent does not require a freakin' time commitment of more than (on the outside) an hour at an outdoor goods store.