I left him!

You might be interested in this statistic from the government:
90% of relationships where the couple are of different religious groups or where one is a non-believer end after 3 years.I think your best bet is to forget about him and find yourself a good Catholic man.The fact that you are feeling sad does not mean you did not do the right thing.When another cute guy comes along you will forget all about him.I mean come on who doesn't feel sad when a long term relationship ends?

It's trite, but it's true-- there's PLENTY of other fish in the sea. Be sad that this thing ended, but it ended for a reason. Remember that and you'll soon be over him and on to your next adventure.

Why do you feel this is the best thing, if you love each other?

Is this the guy that is saying here while you go to Paris?

d-jean - you're posts about him over the last few months were evidence that you are just head over heels with him.

I truly don't understand why your difference in religion, or lack of religion makes any difference.

Is he a good person?
You love him?
He loves you?

Don't overcomplicate it....I just totally do not agree with people who say love has to be complicated....

So, why is this the right thing?

... and how much is "everyone keeps telling me I did the right thing" a part of it?

Yep! Are these people anything to do with your church, dj?

Well, I think you're a moron, daniellejean, but that's just my opinion.

I recall how happy I was to see someone actually posting about a good relationship, but Oh, well. . .

Yes, I would get all twittery inside thinking about your new budding romance.

I'll just throw this in....

My husband and I have completely different concepts of God...but we are very similar when it comes to our core beliefs in morals and right behavior....and we couldn't be happier.




YOU FOOL!

RUN TO HIS ARMS!

Do you think you find a love like this every day?

Umm ... hm ... well, maybe this isn't the best time to bring this up ... but, well ... I'll just go for it:

Danielle, you seem to like to seek out (and, often, to intensify) problems in your relationships. Why is this?

I'm sorry to hear you split DJ.
My husband doesn't believe in any religion and I see some truth in all of them, it's never stopped us from having a loving, peaceful relationship. Sure we fight, but it's usually about who ate the last Fig Newton or who forgot to close the truck window before it rained - you know, the important stuff. I guess you best find yourself a Catholic man, since that is what is most important to you.

Re: I left him!


Maybe a lot of this is bc you have been feeling depressed and are now on new meds?
It's hard to 'keep things going' under those circumstances. The first reaction is to pull away from people we care about.

You did seem head-over-heels, so I'm sorry to hear about this. You need some HaagenDaz. Chunky monkey?

Take care.

I've gotten a variety of different opinions on this one. So I will just say that I thought it was worth it to give it a try with him, even given our differences. We've only been together for a few months...so it feels like if the problems are mounting now, maybe I just needed to leave.

But the issue really wasn't religion. It was that I had (and have) no idea what the hell I want. I figure neither does he. But I am in a really bad place right now. The pressure got to be too much because I would call him every night crying. Then I would see him and pretend that it didn't happen. The breaking point was when I had called him and cried to him about how much pain I was in and how I didn't think I could continue because dealing with my life (and my thoughts of suicide - just to throw that into the mix) was getting to be too much. Then I saw him on Sunday and we went to Friendly's (an Ice Cream chain - I used to work there). It was fun and we joked. I met his family. We made out in my car like we were fifteen again. Everything was nice. BUT - everything was fake. And then the next day at work I just felt everything breaking underneath me.

So I drove down to see him. We talked and walked. He didn't understand why I was so confused and told me I just needed to muddle through it like everybody else does. He said everybody gets confused sometimes. So I tried to make it work. But I just couldn't. I called him again on Tuesday and I tried to be down-to-earth and fun, but I just ended up crying again. So I had to end it. He thought it was best, even though he didn't want it to be over because he didn't know how to deal with my depression. By the way, this is the first time in my life I've ever been depressed. People keep telling me I've got a long road ahead of me and I need to concentrate on myself. It scares me because I wonder if I am going to lose this guy in the process. I mean, I was hoping to take the summer to "find my happiness", and then for things to be back to normal in the fall and we could pick up where we left off. But what gets me the most is that I'm pretty sure that I cannot do that.

Anyway, last night I called him at 3AM because I woke up with an anxiety attack and I couldn't take my meds because I had to be up in three hours. I ended up telling him I loved him and I didn't know if I could handle being broken up. He just told me to "stop, because this is hard enough as it is." So I did. Then he told me he loved me. But we still decided to take our time apart. I tried so hard today to not think about him, to remember that I did the right thing. But this hurts a lot.

I just have to keep telling myself that I wouldn't be the first person to lose a good relationship to depression and being unsure of oneself. I have two good friends who have gone through the exact same thing. Somehow I never understood it could hurt this badly, though. Sorry this was so long. A lot has happened in three days time.

daniellejean, I'm sorry you are in such pain. Are you seeing a counselor on a regular basis or did you see an MD who prescribed anti-depressants without requiring on-going talk therapy with a counselor? If you aren't in talk therapy, I highly suggest you find someone to talk to. Meds are not the only answer to your issues.

If I read your post correctly, your boyfriend has asked you to keep some distance, is that right? I think you should too. Whatever it is that triggered the depression and anxiety attacks can be identified and treated. Your boyfriend isn't at all qualified to be your therapist. If it's too hard to be with him while you're unsure of yourself, then don't be with him. But don't expect him to let you tie him to a string and be your yo-yo. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, that isn't my intent.

What did you mean when you said the relationship issues weren't because of your religious differences? What were they due to?

Take some time without the relationship pressures to get yourself back on track. I don't know about having a long road ahead - life is always a journey, and the road has forks, bumps, and potholes here and there. You'll get through this and figure out your next steps but it will be much easier if you are getting the proper support from people who know what they're doing.

Good luck!

Yes, I am doing talk therapy. And it seems to be helping some. I guess I'll just have to be patient.

To answer your question J_B, my boyfriend hasn't really asked me to keep my distance. He was upset about my situation and just wants me to get back on track. It was me who ended things finally because I couldn't be 100% for him, and I felt like I wasn't being fair. He was hurt but he understood, and ultimately agreed.

This is hard though because everyday I am battling the temptation to call him and beg him to take me back.

And so many people on this forum think I am a moron for leaving him to begin with. Even some of my close friends think that. But inside I am hurting and that is the trouble.

Last night I had a nightmare I was being raped and he was three doors down from me. He heard my screams but didn't come to help me. When it was all over I went to find him, crawled into bed with him, and he pushed me out saying he couldn't believe I had moved on so fast. It was horrible!

First off, I apologize d-jean...I thought the big issue was the religion.

What concerns me about your depression is your thoughts of suicide vs. your Catholocism. That's much more than the differences you're having with your boyfriend.

I can't tell from what you write if he is willing/wanting to stand by you through this.
If you're pushing him away because of not wanting to put him through this, you're denying him the feelings that he can feel of some help, and support you through his love for you.

As for you dreams, I know what you mean. My husband and I are very deeply in love with each other...but I have had some awful dreams where he wants to send me away, etc.

The dreams are manisfestations of things going on in me and you, not the guys.

question...does he want to be around to help you?

Danielle,
I'm so sorry to hear of all this you are dealing with. I'm glad you're talking to someone and going to the doc.

Only you know if this is the right thing for you or not. From the sounds of it though, I don't think it can hurt to take some time to yourself and figure out what it is you want. I really understand where you are coming from. During rough spots myself, I pulled away from my last bf. It ended up costing me the relationship.
But you know what? It wasn't all for nothing. I did need the time to myself. And, after a period of time, I got the chance to see him from a position of strength and in my positive state of mind and we are friends now.
So, it all worked out.
Ya just never know how the future may play out.

The important thing is that you feel better soon. Take care of yourself, DJ.

I believe he does. He has told me throughout this whole thing that he would do what he could to help me. And he has kept his word. He brought me to the hospital late at night. He stayed with me late into the night calming me. He sent me away when he knew that was what I needed. He encouraged me to do talk therapy. He was the one who pushed me to recognize that I have a problem.

BUT, recently he has become frustrated because I have been coming to him day after day with the same problems. I have also been blaming our religious differences for some of the problem. I don't think that has nothing to do with it. I am dealing with eliminating my prejudices. I used to really resent people who didn't believe in God. I used to believe they went to hell, quite honestly. I no longer believe that. But, I am figuring out what I believe. And I was sort of taking that out on him.

So, there are multiple issues here. One, I don't know who I am religiously. And two, I don't know who I am emotionally or what I want. But he has been there for me and loving. And I have continued to push him away. I don't know what to do here.

My Great Grand-Father always said:
''If a couple are not right for each other hard times will pull them apart,if a couple are right for each other hard times will pull them together''.He looked after my Grandma for 40 years when she became ill and never once complained ,they were togeher for 72 years!What your talking about is not REAL love it is feeling in love with someone.There is a difference.

Ditto

Pass the Bible and the Prozac. Sheesh.

What does she mean religion had nothing to do with it? Was she lying in the OP?