Your opinion........

Jackie2, if I had done this, my wife would have gently placed me into the doghouse for about a week, with the aid of a boot up my arse.

There may be an underlying reason though. Is there some tension between you and his parents? Have you had things blow up in the past regarding them?

If not, and he actually WAS at his parents, then I would consider him to be either a thoughtless git, or he finds it difficult to communicate with you properly (this may be a joint problem, that both of you need to address)

If he wanted some time to do his own thing, he should have told you as such. To tell you after the event seems a bit spineless to me, sorry.

Thanks for your response Lord Ellpus :-)

It's the first time I've posted in here and I don't really want to confide in my friends because it might make things awkward.

Well he says I should apologise for being angry at him and say I'm sorry. I'm the one out of order. I've not had any problems with his parents at all recently and never have (well not face to face anyway, you can never be too sure).

The fact that i helped him with some of his own work that needed to be done before he left seemed to add to my annoyance.

BUT that is just how it feels lately, I give and he takes because he has such an important/busy job. In fact it's always been like that I'm just fed up with it at the moment.

I do all the housework or anything associated with the running of the house and he does his job. I wouldn't mind but he just seems to complain all the time about what I do. He cotinually wants sympathy. I work full time too and am busy. It just doesn't pay so well. That's the difference you see.

Jackie--

I gather that Sunday, May 21st, is just one manifestation of a lot of discontent?

Remember, the Marital Marquis of Queensbury Rules of Combat strongly recommend tackling just one issue at a time.

Right now you are angry about not spending Sunday together and he's angry about being being yelled at. Correct?

The issue is Sunday Afternoon--not who makes more money or does more housework or possesses the more loveable parents.

Is there anything else wrong in your relationship?
Sorry, but from the story, I cannot see, where the problem is.
He asked you if you wanted to come, you did not want to.
Maybe he told you he might go to his parents, maybe he thinks he told you and did not, and maybe he simply changed his mind while he was out.

My husband does not like to go to my parents, which I understand.
His parents live in the States, so I am not faced with the problem, but I would not like to sit around there on a regular basis either.
They are nice, but I am not at home there, and it's not the same as being with friends.
He comes with me sometimes, the rest of the time I go there on my own.

Well, maybe there is something I don't get, maybe there is more behind the story, that only you know, but quite honestly, I don't see the problem.

Bohne-Well by BF tends to like me to see his parents and spend time with them a lot (family get togethers etc). I sometimes feel this is unfair because I'd like him to spend more time with mine but there are always a lot of excuses.

Noddy-You're right tackle one issue at a time.

Bohne-I think it's the fact that he was insisting on going somewhere that I don't like to go to right up until he went through the door. And he knows that. Then after 4 hours he comes back and hadn't gone there after all (but his parents) of course just in time for me to start cooking him his dinner.

I suppose I just felt a bit pushed out or something on our one day together and he thought going to see his parents would be better. Otherwise I would have liked to have gone out somewhere, he knew that because I'd already asked him. But he said he had this other place to go to that was important that I didn't want to accompany him to (which in the end he didn't go to anyway)

Is that not a problem?

Jackie--


Do both of you see Sunday as a "Date Day" when you both expect to spend time together?

You said that you left your home territory to move in with the BF. How long ago was this? How many contacts of your own have you made in your new world?

Noddy- yes we do expect sundays to be our together time. I get everything done on the saturday so it doesn't interfere.

Friends since moving here......... well I'm pretty quiet so it makes it harder.

I can see why you'd be upset. I hope you let him cook the dinner or clean up afterwards. :wink:

That doesn't sound too much like a date night, honestly. At least not on his end. Maybe he thinks of it differently than you? I don't do work or visit the fam. on a date.

It can be hard when the bf is very busy, and you sound busy too. Yet, he has time enough to visit his folks plenty, so he has time for the two of you obviously.

How long have you been in this new city?

Tell him you want to go out for dinner so the two of you can spend some time together before the weekend's over (instead of spending what time you have left in the kitchen.)

Tell him he should have eaten at his Mum's place....

Jackie--

Even if you two have kissed and made up, this weekend is shot.

You can't change the past, but you can do your best to see that today's miscommunication doesn't happen over and over and over.

Admit that you shouldn't have yelled, no matter how lonely and upset you were.

Establish that next Sunday--if not before--is date day and make specific plans.

Meanwhile, figure out how you can get yourself a bit of a life that doesn't depend on your BF. Do you have hobbies? Ambitions? What would you like to do to enlarge your personal world?

Well, the more you talk about it, the more I think there are problems that go deeper than just this one occassion.
You basically say, he deceived you to be able to spend some time without you.
What would have happened if he'd simply told you, he wanted to spend time on his own?
Would you have been upset?
Would you have shouted at him also?
Maybe (and I'm only guessing) he feels a bit suffocated. You say you don't have any friends and so maybe you focus a bit too much on him for his liking at the moment.
Maybe not, just throwing my thoughts out there.

Have you tried to talk about the whole mess (without shouting and accusations)?
A lot of things might come clear after a calm talking session.

Hi,

Thanks all for your responses. I've calmed down a lot since :-)

I've realised that there are a lot of mixed replies and it's helped me a lot. Before posting here I was beginning to think that I was the only one in the world who understood why i might be upset by the situation. I do also see his side though too. I don't like to nag and we're both very busy. Juggling everything is hard at the moment.

I know Noddy, I should get more of a life. Ironically he doesn't like me to go out too often and if I do he'll usually complain. I suppose he wants his space sometimes and I tend to like my space on my own where I can chill out and not bother about anything or anyone.

Oh well........what is done is done. I just needed to know that some of you out there understood where I might be coming from and I'm not totally crazy for feeling it.

x

ps Flushed and Ellpus................he did cook the dinner that night and brought it up to me.............so I think he realised he may have been taking me a bit for granted.

Jackie--

I take it you two are fairly new to being a cohabiting couple?

Adjustment takes time. Expect some snafus. Be prepared to talk them out.

No one expects you to have the serenity of a couple celebrating a Diamond Anniversary.

Good luck.

Oh nice. Yeah, like Noddy said.

Sometimes it helps to just get some feelings/annoyance out and to have a sympathic ear. You're not crazy - only learning how much fun it can be trying to live with a man you love! :wink:

tc

Given the other thread you've got on the go, jackie, you might want to think about how your mother might behave in this kind of situation - and consider a different way of thinking/responding.