Wife not interested.

My take on it is that she's already given up on this being a romantic relationship and so should you.

Normally, I don't suggest divorce (especially with kids) but in this case, if mom and dad are both miserable, you kid picks up on that and being together can be more damaging than divorcing.

Good luck.

Are you meeting her needs?
Hi markinslough

It sounds to me like the two of you aren't aware of how to meet each other's needs. My husband and I were going through the exact same thing. I always hinted around that I wanted to be given cards or surprised with flowers, (which is what he used to do by the way) but he never did no matter how much I mentioned it.

Then I read a book called, the 5 love lanugages by Gary Chapman. This book helped out a lot. In the book, the author states that there are 5 different "love languages". Touch, time, words, gifts and service. I wanted touch and little gifts, but what my husband wanted was time and service. We weren't "speaking the same language". We were treating each other the way that WE wanted to be treated.

So when I followed the advice in the book, I realized what was important to him and started focusing on that. When I did that, he actually started doing the same for me!

So maybe you're just not meeting your wife's needs in the right way. You sound like a fabulous husband and father, but there's obviously something still missing from your marriage.

My husband and I recently went through a program called The Marriage Lifeline.

(And no, thats not an advertisement, I'm just sharing what worked for me and my husband.) :wink:

I know you said your wife was against any kind of counseling, but apparently it can still help people who want to keep their marriage together without their spouses participation.

Now we actually enjoy being together. I just wanted to share that with you to let you know that there are options out there for you.

I hope this post helps you out. My advice is to not give up on your marriage just yet...especially since there are kids involved.

Just my .02.

If I were you (and admittedly I am female so I don't really know how that feels. I would go to counseling by myself for a few sessions....and DON'T try to get her to come too. Just act as if you have decided to try to go yourself, to see if it helps you cope with your marriage better.

I honestly believe that if your wife sees you go to marriage counseling that she will not be able to help herself....she will go too, if only to see what you are saying about her, hehe. Her curiosity will get the better of her, and she will be dying to know....particularly if you don't beg her to come.

That way you will be able to get to counseling together, which is what you really need. She sounds like she is stressed big time by issues that need an outsider's influence. Counseling is the best solution.

Just my humble opinion.