What do you think of cohabitation?Will you try it?

Have I put my opinion clearly?Why not reply to me?
Please,please give me your views.Thanks very much.

In Germany it is not a big deal at all.
Many people live together for several years before getting married, or don't have any intentions of getting married at all.

My uncle and aunt married after living together for about 20 years.
And in the last three years we've had three weddings of couples who have been living together for eight years or more.

Personally I cannot imagine marrying somebody before you know what they are like on a daily basis.
You should get to know the good and the bad before you make up your mind!

Thanks for your replying.
You know, I am a Chinese.And my thoughts may be a little traditional.I can accept it but may not try it.And for my parents, they think it a shame.

Yeah, where I am it would be pretty unusual not to. I think it can work either way but you're making more of an informed choice if you have spent some time living together. No nasty surprises. But I think it's simply down to what feels right for you.

Well, in the end the only people who should decide how to play things, is the couple themselves.
Being brought up in the western world I don't really care much about my parent's views (sorry if that sounds harsh).
In the end I am living my own live with my family, and my main concern is to keep them happy, not my parents.

My mother is very unhappy about the fact that I will not be a sole mother and housewife after I have my baby, but go back to work straight away.
It's just not what was done in her time and age.

But I know it will be the right thing for me and my husband supports that 100%.

That's all that counts for me.

But of course you are just entitled to your views as I am to mine.
And I wish you all the happiness for the future.

In my opinion, people do not have to live together to judge the true nature or character of the other person. Basic traits cannot be hidden and it comes out in your process of knowing the person. If a person is inherently honest, compassionate, responsible, you will know it whether you marry him or decide to stay together. These character traits cannot be hidden or made up, IMO.

Why would you want to live together with one person? A person may have all the qualities of a good human being but have some really annoying habits.. like leaves the wet towel on the bed always, leaves the bathroom full of water after his shower, always fights for his side of the bed, snores while sleeping.. etc and these are the details of his personality you will find out only if you were living together. Depends on how important these are to you. Based on that you can either choose to live together or not.

agree with lovemyfamily - the bottom line is to get to know the character of the person and to love them. If you do truly love them, then all the little day to day annoyances can be overcome - if you are both willing to work on them.

However, each couple is different so each situation is unique and you need to do what is best as a couple. It does seem to be though that those that get married do take the relationship (in most cases) more seriously. I believe that statistically those that live together first, tend to end in divorce more frequently - those stats could have changed, but in the US those were the stats several years ago.

That being said I always thought I would never live together prior to getting married. But never say never I did. But this was not for a "trial" period. It was a matter of that we lived several thousand miles apart and if we wanted to be together, then one had to move in with the other for financial reasons. Shortly after moving in together we did get engaged.

Funny story...

I ended up moving in with my husband-to-be because the apartment I'd rented was not prepped as the landlord had promised and was, more or less, unlivable. When my boyfriend (at the time) invited me to stay at his place, I took him up on it and told my girlfriend that if I moved into his place, I had no intentions to move out. She thought I was horrid and said that I was taking advantage of his generosity and all, until he proposed less than a month later. When I called and told her, she screamed and said, "Well, I guess you knew what you were doing after all, huh?"

I very much disagree. If you plan to maintain the schedule of contact you have when you're not living together throughout the marriage, fine. But living together is much, much different from dating, and there is much that can be learned from living together that can't be otherwise learned. What he's like when he's not on his best behavior, what aspects of living together bother each of you (he can be the most honest, compassionate, and responsible person in the world and be terribly messy, or on the other hand terribly neat and unable to tolerate your slightest mess), etc., etc.

People simply act differently when they are dating than when they're living together.

That doesn't mean that I think everyone should live together -- especially, there are cultural mores in various places that make the risk just not worth it (if the relationship doesn't work out, for example). In places like the U.S. (most of it) where there is no particular stigma these days, I heartily recommend it.

The Lovely Bride and I did not cohabitate before we got married.
It seems to be working out OK.

How old are you, Anastasia?

My husband and I met when we were in our mid-to-late 20s. We had both been married before. We kept our own apartments, but spent time in both. So I knew his daily habits quite well, but I always had my own place to go back to. And it kept our families and conservative friends from giving us any grief.

Family disapproval can be very stressful, particularly if you're young.

My sister and her (now) husband lived together for several years before they married. They even bought a house together. But despite being 2,000 miles away from our parents, her relationship with our father was never the same. He never accepted it, and always thought less of her boyfriend/husband for it. Right or wrong, she's always known it is the price she paid for doing it her way.

Moreover, the very worst part of breaking up with someone you live with (married or not) is dividing up the household and actually moving out. It's AWFUL! I didn't want to risk going through that again without at least having the commitment of marriage.

Frankly, there have been moments in my 23-years-now-marriage when I've wished we STILL had separate places! (Dammit, will he EVER clean up that workbench?!)

I agree with sozobe on her comments, but this is also true between living together and marriage. Once you are married it is not so easy to split - you tend to get more comfty even more so than living together - I'm sure this isn't necessarily the case with everyone though, but then again some people are so transparent that you don't need to live with them to know them well.

Unfortunately this is such an individual couple sort of thing that it is hard to make a judgment which way works best overall. I think if you have dated for quite a while and feel you know each other very well, are open and honest with each and willing to work through those sorts of things you may not completely learn about the other person - there is no reason to live together first.

Eva - I had a friend who lived with her boyfriend before they got married - she was about the most conservative person I knew - and her family strict Catholics. She lied or at least didn't tell them she moved out with her boyfriend. I don't know what is worse - but it worked for her.

It is customary in the United States to live apart before marriage,
in Europe it is the opposite, most people live together before marriage -
that is if they get married at all, as there is no urgency to get married,
even when children enter the equation.

Cultural differences exist within every country, so there is no right or
wrong here. Whatever feels right should be done, regardless of parental
influences.

Eva, if your father faults your sister and brother-in-law for not complying with his very own beliefs, that would be very unfortunate. I for one could
not accept such behavior. No child should be made responsible or punished with non-acceptance for not sharing the same beliefs of her/his parents.

Been there, done that. Lived together for about 2 1/2 years, married for almost 14. I'd say it works out for us. And not living together first worked for George and his lovely bride. One size does not fit all.

My father died in 1990. His attitude was very common for his generation, and is still quite common in many cultures and communities. Expecting parents to change their values is not realistic in most cases, and children who choose different values from those they were taught should not expect to convert their parents. That is disrespectful. My sister knew what was coming and chose to risk her relationship with her parents anyway. It's a decision she has not regretted, by the way.

I don't fault either of them. Both remained true to their convictions. Unfortunately, in an adult world, conflicts do exist. There are consequences for whatever decision you make. I just want the original poster to be aware of the fact that no matter what she decides, everything may not be smooth sailing.

Life is a whole new ball game once living together.

You won't believe what annoying little habits people have...

I'm sorry Eva! Yes and I do understand that one cannot change the beliefs
and values of parents, that was not my indication at all. It is just sad,
that one cannot accept the different values and decisions of ones children, especially when made in adulthood.

I think it's natural that members of an older generation will find it hard to accept the new mores and values of the younger generation. I know that I find some things objectionable about the generation coming up after me. It's shocking when realizing this about yourself, that you've fallen into 'the gap', but there's no denying it.

No problem, CJ!

I just thought that since our original poster is Chinese and her parents disapprove, I wanted her to consider what the consequences could be.