Re: Are people really victim when it comes to beign raped?
Heeven wrote:In the case of sexual intimacy, BOTH parties should want it.
Hasnt any of you ever 'gone along' with sex with your partner even tho you didnt really feel like it - but just cos it was clear (s)he really wanted it, meant a lot to him/her, and you didnt want to make him/her feel bad - so you went along for his/her sake?
I have.
I've also been in the position - see, when someone says "no", I stop, period. Is how I've been raised, pretty strictly so (my mom was a passionate feminist). No means no and all that. And I'm still sticking to that, because I think its how things should be. But yes, Ive had someone being disappointed over me stopping, taking it "literally", you know, when she'd wanted to be, like - persuaded..
Ive also had to hear an ex talk about how a later lover, he was so good - she tended to be afraid, so, their first time, she told him no halfway through - and he did stop, but a little later initiated again, and it was great! Same convo still - you know, sometimes, for her, intercourse hurt - and whenever it did, with us, and she told me, ow no, I stopped, tried something else, etc. But now she was telling me how this guy - with him it also hurt for a moment, but he just pushed on regardless, and it was like - once that ice was broken, it was great after that!
Yeah.
Overwhelming majority of rape cases, I think the numbers are, takes place by someone close, often one's own partner. In many of those cases, I suppose, we're not talking about the psychopathic rapist who is just out for control, and had made his plan to rape long in advance. Well, there are plenty of those within a relationship too I suppose, abusive husbands... but there must be a lot of cases that dont fit that picture too.
I personally think anyone who continues with intercourse (or oral sex or whatever equivalent) after a "no", is guilty of rape. Period. So I'm sticking with "no=no" myself, also, always. But I do that because I personally believe that's the right thing - not because I believe that every woman actually
does always mean "no" when she says "no". I wish it were true, cause it would make life easier, fairer and more sensible (not to mention healthier). But I think its not fair to pretend like there arent people out there giving explicitly mixed messages about it, and blaming you if you dont pick up on them correctly.
I personally rather take the blame for not having "understood" that the idea was for me to "persuade" her still when she said no, and being taken for a sissy or something, than assuming that that
is what she wants and then being blamed for assaulting her cause she did actually mean "no". But I can see how some young guy ends up the wrong way in that minefield once. (Twice, you're an idiot.)
Dunno. I dont have, like, a totally worked out opinion on all this or anything - just some doubts, like these here.
