Entertaining the female - What to do when she's silent

vonderjohn no offense but you must not be very experienced with women.... here's what to do when your woman is silent... it's real simple.

JUST BE GRATEFUL

vonderjohn no offense but you must not be very experienced with women.... here's what to do when your woman is silent... it's real simple.

Obviously I haven't given you enough info about the context. You're right guys. My mistake. Here's a synopsis:

I've met that girl a few weeks ago..but our meetings were only 'casual' meetings that didn't involve much talk or interaction.

We've been talking over the phone a lot....an average phone call is for 2 hours each day. Besides the online chat which sometimes reaches the early hours of the morning.

Then stick with that for the time being.

In a nutshell, we've developed a very deep, honest and strong relationship that can actually handle being as blunt as telling me "im very depressed..im going to be silent...im counting on you to cheer me up"

Normally, a girl wouldn't say it that blunt to the guy, and would either give an excuse for not going for a date or postpone it or simply suffer in it.

Not necessarily. I've been blunt with guys I've been trying to get rid of. Like it or not, that might be what she's (awkwardly) trying to do here, sorry.

She is being very honest with me and telling me that she's in that mood these days but she would really want to meet me for us to get to know each other more in real life not just by phone.

Then she's being selfish. She is in no condition to go out and start a new relationship and all that that entails. I am not saying that she should be relegated to staying at home all day, but surely she has other friends. The timing is just plain not right here, and she is pushing it for all the wrong reasons.

The here, and because im interested to know this girl, and because I do sympathise with her and I DO want to help her out in this period she's going through...which shows that I do care about her and want to push her forward when she's down...or else if im only looking for pleasure and fun I would simply look for someone else and not waste my time with what seems to be a boring girl. I want to show that I do care because I honestly do...and I just need to prove myself for this.

Well, these are nice sentiments but you are also playing knight in shining armor, and I can tell you from experience that that's usually a lousy way to start things off. You do not want to be in a relationship where you save someone else's bacon all the time. If you don't know her that well, then this caring is too deep and is misplaced. If you know her well enough to care that much, then you don't need to do the "get to know her" date right this very minute. It just strikes me as paradoxical. You seem to want this date very badly but are not thinking it through. There's nothing bad or wrong about telling her, "Maybe later, when you're feeling better." That is not selfishness on your part. That is caring about her feelings. Is it being paternal? Yes. But she's acting like a child so that role kind of comes naturally. BTW, I want to warn you, the more you are in a parent-child relationship, where you are the parent with the answers, the more you are both going to come to resent that -- she for being too cared for and too manipulated perhaps, and you for having to make the effort all the time. Some couples can make that work but I believe you are setting yourselves up for an uneven relationship.

As for her depression..its genetic. So every now and then she falls into that period and people around her should be supportive, just like i should be now.

Then she should be getting professional help. If you do care at all -- and don't just want female companionship, you should encourage that and nothing more. People who are caring can be so even if they are depressed. She does not strike me as caring. Rather, she strikes me as childish. The depression is a convenient excuse and cover for her actions. If it was that bad, she would be seeking professional help and not relying on you or any other amateur to fix things.

I hope this makes it clear...

Any more questions...please go ahead and ask. And guys, I really appreciate your concern...thats very good to hear

Regards

VJ

If I was gona tell somebody I was going to be quiet it would be a friendly warning as in 'dont talk to me or Il snap your head off'.

material girl wrote:

If I was gona tell somebody I was going to be quiet it would be a friendly warning as in 'dont talk to me or Il snap your head off'.

This is a friendly warning?!? What do you say when you're not being friendly?

She is being very honest with me and telling me that she's in that mood these days but she would really want to meet me for us to get to know each other more in real life not just by phone.