Life with Luigi: Confessions of a misfit mommy.

Superman in preschool is a very popular fella.

Swimpy really got it all -- not necessarily a problem, doesn't mean it can't become a problem, sounds like it's not a problem now, no need to do anything in particular right now.

With all due respect, Chai, do you bother to read before posting?

Nobody here has said "oh how adorable". I certainly haven't. I don't want him sitting at the "dweb" table and that is why I asked but some kids end up there anyway and guess what, their parents love them anyway.

Honestly, READ before posting, please.

To the rest of you, thank you for understanding that sometimes your kid is a "dweb" no matter what you do.

I've got to go cook dinner but I will be back in a while....

He's just entering 'big school' right?

He's a social little man, right? No probs making friends and whatnot?

I'd think that with some time in the school, he's going to quickly pick up on the 'vibe' there and start wanting to take part in what his guy friends like. He'll have this, and he'll have that.

Just my 2 cents. I've seen my little buddy - now 8 - who grew up almost entirely around adults. He had quirks and his own creative expressions like this.
Pretty soon he naturally wanted to share his interests with his friends, and picked up some new ones along the way too.

He was super into Spiderman. So he wore the whole tshirt, backpack, brought the toys to school, all this stuff. Another boy 'picked up' on it and thought it was cool.

I'm sure Mo will find commonality amongst his mates. And, he'll most likely let you know if/when he is becoming uncomfortable with it. He's gonna grow out of it soon enough anyways.

Little boys rock. When they no longer like something, and they start up in school, they sure let you know 'that isn't cool anymore! I like this --now'.

There's a time for make believe and a time to be ourselves. We have a good customer who comes in on weekends and often brings her little girl who dresses as one of the Disney princesses. I once asked her if she always dresses as a princess and she basically told me "only on weekends, the rest of the time I have to be Emily" (her real name). Maybe a few boundaries are a good thing.

I would indulge his creativity, so many kids are squashed into the 'normal' mold, it really saddens me. I was a lot like him when I was his age, I cannot begin to number the characters I would make up and pretend to be.

No, I was never the popular kid, but no one ever really made fun of me (except my older brother). Sometimes I would be called a name or was teased, but you know what? I was confident enough not to care what they thought. My parents always supported my creative side and that gave me that confidence I needed to look the teasers in the eye and say "Your just jealous!"

The best part is that he will never be the only one. He will find a best friend that shares a common passion and as long as he has that person to pretend with he will always have a shield of sorts to fend off the cynics.

He sounds like a lovely little dreamer and Gods know that we need more of them in the world. I am a grown woman now and I still like the fact that I am a dreamer and a successful artist who creates and draws comics and cartoons about some of those same characters. I will always remember fondly the games I played and I look forward to playing them with my own children some day.


If he gets to where he wants to wear his costumes to school you may have to put a foot down if for no other reason than they are not really appropriate for school attire. Instead you could get him T-shirts with the corresponding characters or tell him that while he is in class he needs to use his mild mannered alter ego.

I agree with this, and with Chai (and yes, I've read the entire topic). Perhaps weekends and after school and Halloween are the times to express this. Sorry if that sounds mean, but I remember being different, and being teased, and how painful that was, and I did not dress like any sort of hero or character or whatnot. I was just not-the-same, and that was enough for all hell to break loose. There are boundaries everywhere else and for everything else, why is it a problem to create a boundary for this as well? There are school days and non-school days, with differing schedules and rituals. So why doesn't different dress come under this umbrella, too? School day Mo and non-school day Mo are going to behave differently, anyway, this is just an affirmation of that, far as I can tell.

Now, one, two, three, everyone tell me I have no kids and can't possibly know what I'm talking about.

Thank you Aldistar for sharing your experience. My childhood was similar to yours. I was kind of an oddball but my path was greased by two older and very popular sisters who lent me a level of okayness.

I've been thinking about this a lot overnight. If I were to hide his ghostbusting equipment I'm sure he would find something else to make it from. I really never suspected that something so mundane as a backpack and a vaccuum cleaner hose would become a superhero costume.

Or that the gate stop would be his "old man" costume.

Or that the golf clubs would be his "broken leg guy" costume.

Or that the grocery hand basket would be his "robot" costume.

Or that his hard hat would be his "man" costume.

Or that.... or that... or that....

I don't want him to be picked on but this is who he is and I love everything about who he is. I shall become an admiring audience and a champion bridge crosser.

I think it is because people are too worried about appearances to allow thier kids to truly enjoy being a child.

If it were me, Jillian would be dressed as she liked, where ever and when ever she wanted.
I dont care what other people think , and if that is how she chooses to dress herself and express herself, more power to her.
As an adult, she will lose that uninhibited behavior and feeling.. and then , it will be sad.


( i have NOT read the entire thread, but I just wanted to pull that sentance out.. ) hehe

I'm gonna hang with Chai, Green Witch, and Jespah.

There is a time and a place for every behavior, and every game. Some games are appropriate for the home or neighborhood, some are appropriate for school.

We are teaching Yaya not to pick her nose in public... but it's OK when she's in the bathroom.

We're teaching Yaya not to talk about pooping except in private.

We're teaching Yaya that one dresses nicely when going out of the house.

We're teaching Yaya that there are certain manners that are used at the table.

Do we let Yaya play dress-up? Of course. Will we let her go to school in costume? I sincerely doubt it.

None of this has squashed her creativity; she still plays at being a nice monster that hugs people.

Every social situation has its appropriate/socially acceptable behaviors.

Regarding being picked on: No matter what you do some kids are just going to get picked on. There's no typical kid that is the target for teasing. You can't raise your kids to make them into no-targets. It doesn't work that way. Usually kids fall into line when they enter school.

yikes.
I just read the whole thread.

I hope I didnt upset anyone with my previous post.
I truly didnt mean it to be any kind of insult to anyone.

I do apologize if i did..

I'm leaning towards Green Witch's take. I want to say, just let him do it whenever he wants, but I also know, through my son, how much peers mean to little kids. And elementary school is a bit different from preschool because there are older kids there who tend to enjoy their place in the pecking order, if you know what I mean. You could sort of feel it out and see what the other kids at his school are like, whether they are likely to be accepting of it or not. But maybe it would be best to start talking to Mo about whether he thinks his characters should only go to school on special days. He might even decide for himself that he doesn't want to be Luigi or Kindervader at school.

More than likely he will make a few good friends, get picked on a little, accept his otherness, and grow into a really great big kid.

All due respect right back at ya boom....but I CAREFULLY read your post and everyone elses before posting.

Your own words in your first post were: "I'm pretty indulgent on his costumes and other people tend to smile and laugh except for other kids who look at him like he's some kind of idiot. "

You said it right there....the other kids who look at him like he's some kind of idiot. He's going to go to school and the kids will look at him like he's some kind of idiot, and when not calling him an idiot, will distance themselves from him so as not to be deemed an idiot by association.

You say other people, I'm sure meaing adults tend to smile and laugh. It doesn't matter what the other adults think...it matter what his peers think. I'm totally agreeing with your first post...if he goes to school wearing a vacuum cleaner hose looking for ghosts, he's going to find out really quick what hanging out with the kids who always seem to hanging on to the fringes is like.

He might turn out like Darryl S., who transfered to our school in like 3rd grade, and during one of the first recesses started jumping around doing these really stupid kung-foo moves....no one, and I mean NO ONE, wanted to be his friend through 8th grade.

Or like Diane R. and Nancy S., who apparantly bonded very strongly as friends really early on....in 4th grade they walked around the school yard ONCE holding hands....ever after that everyone called them lesbos.

Darryl had a younger brother, and Nancy had a twin sister, who were both well liked....even that didn't help. I can remember Drew just shaking his head at his brother, who he really liked. Even as a child, he new Darryl had shot himself in the foot.

Nancy's twin was the star of the basketball team, was kinda the leader of all the girls, she couldn't to a thing to help nancy.

You know how when a kid forgets his lunch and the mother is supposed to go to the office and leave it there for the kid to pick up? Well, when I forgot mine, my mother would pull up to the school, walk across the grass up to my classroom window and bang really hard (as if everyone wasn't already wathcing her) so I could come to the window and collect my paper bag. All the kids would be laughing, even the teacher would say to me "please tell your mother to go to the office next time", not like that would have changed anything, even if they had been able to tell her personally (she always got away before they could get to her). Even kids from other classrooms would say stuff to me about seeing my mom tromping up the grass and knocking on the windows, like she didn't have enough class to go inside.

Whenever I saw her car pull up, I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me up.

I don't want any kid to feel like that.

Boom...I'm just agreeing with you...the other kids WILL think he's an idiot. Unless you're some charasmatic kid that just naturally stands out and immediatly becomes one of the top dogs in the schoolyard heirarchy....the best a little kid can hope for, until they are well established, is to be in the middle of the pack....not sticking out in any way. Once their acceptance is assured....THEN they can go about establishing their individuality.

I'm using tough words not to ridicule mo....I'm using them because this is what the other kids will be doing.....

Look at the reaction you had to my other post....Inside, in simple words, you thought I was being mean, and that's when you're using all the adult tools you have.
I was (am) talking mean, because that's how the other kids will be. You're used to hearing other adults posting and using adult words and feelings to express how these things can be worked out...that isn't going to help mo when some kid is laughing and calling him names.
We all have to deal with mob thinking....if one kid who's a top dog calls him a name, everyone else will be within minutes.

This is just schoolyard reality boom, nothing against you or mo, that's just how it is.

Well of course I try to teach Mo appropriate social behavior! Of course there are things he can do at home that he can't/shouldn't do elsewhere.

What I'm trying to figure out is when and where costuming is appropriate.

It isn't rude, it doesn't hurt anybody. In fact, I'm always telling him that his body belongs to him and that other people's bodies belong to them and that it is rude to comment on other's appearance. And now I find myself trying to figure out how to tell him that other's comments about his appearance need to be ingested.

Kids can be mean and they will find each others weak spots. Like Swimpy says - you can't make your kid not be a target; it doesn't work like that.

I understand the sentiment behind this, I really do. But it's a rite of passage. All kids WILL feel like that at some point, no matter what the adults in their lives do to prevent it (and sometimes because of what the adults in their lives do to prevent it). I think it's important to try to avoid having a kid stigmatized unnecessarily, but that's about as much as anyone can do.

Whenever I see little kids dressed in costumes out with their parents, if I'm close enough to actually talk to the parent I always make a point of saying that if that's the worse thing they do, be gratetful. Just like teenagers with green hair and pierced eyebrows. Again, if they aren't on drugs and doing well in school and socially fit, what's a little green hair? Be grateful.

I've always seen that as signs of individuality and imagination. Good things.

Of course, but shouldn't the corollary also be true -- trying to not set up these kinds of situations? If it's at all possible. I'm not saying to become neurotic about it, but at the same time, if the situation is a known quantity, and something can be done about it, why not do something about it? It can be with Mo's consent and input. Mo, let's pick out school clothes. As in, clothes only for school. Nothing controlling about that, is there?

That's cool, eoe.

Today is May 5th, 2006. School starts in... September? We're talking at least three months before this becomes a school issue.

It sounds like the costumes are removeable -- like, maybe he can wear them to school occasionally, then off goes the backpack (or hardhat, or whatever) once he gets there.

Maybe talk to the kindergarten teacher about whether there are any policies about that kind of thing -- might be that there are rules that need to start being adjusted to now. Might be that the teacher says, "Oh, we get a lot of that, don't worry about it." Might be other advice forthcoming about that particular school and what to expect.

I completely 100% agree with Swimpy's point about, "You can't raise your kids to make them into no-targets. It doesn't work that way."

Often, having confidence and not looking around wondering what other kids think is itself what imparts "popularity," especially with a kid who has so many other natural attributes like gorgeousness and strength. (Though of course a whole other can of worms is whether we really want to purposely raise our kids to be "popular"? That term has been applied to sozlet often lately as she is being pulled this way and that by various friends and it makes me wince every time...)

You know, I'm not sure that EVERY kid goes through this.

Maybe most do, but not all.

And many of those get it so seldom, it has no lasting effect.

Some kids just wear that sign that says "kick me"

Like Jespah said, Why set him up for it.

One could respond with...well, you can't protect them from everything...
but, perhaps they can be protected enough that they can be one of those kids who just get it once in a great while, and have a strong base.

It's one thing having a preference toward certain games or liking to wear blue a lot....costumes and special accessories are too much of an signal.

Has anyone seen "Blankman"?

But isn't this usually just a phase that the kid goes through? I had imaginary playmates. They eventually "disappeared". There was a time when little boys dressed up like cowboys and wore their getup everywhere. Little girls usually went for the ballerinas. Now, if a boy wanted to be a ballerina, then it's time for a little intervention but honestly, what's the harm in a kid wearing a costume outside of Halloween? Maybe, because I don't have kids, I just don't get it. It embarrasses the parent, of course, but I just don't understand the big deal outside of that. They grow out of it, one way or the other.