What do YOU feel about your spouse and 3rd parties?

Good point. Going down the road of distrust, then coming up with "rules" to stem the distrust, leads to then distrusting about whether the rules are kept, leads to new rules - etc. Seems like a defeatist way to go about a relationship.

Everything else I wanted to say has already been covered by Jespah and Eva..

When it comes to the girl, i have to beat them off with a stick . . . which ain't no problem, cause they ain't goin' home with her . . . no problem, eh?

This is a very interesting topic. I am new here, so I am late in answering. I chose option 1 cause I believe if there is no trust in a relationship, there shouldn't be a relationship.

And no matter if you put strict rules or no rules....there is always be the chance of infidelity....on both sides.......

I love my husband and I trust him totally.
So there are no restrictions/rules for meeting other people.

I loved my husband for 15 years and trusted him totally, because we were still on our "honeymoon". His friends and family used to joke that we were still like kids in love. He would write me notes every day saying "Love you forever, xoxoxox" and when his brother visited us, he used to say "Hey quit that, you two lovebirds!" when he walked in on us in the kitchen kissing. He IM'd me each day just to give me a virtual hug, and he was never, ever, late home from work. He rushed home just to be with us.

That last visit where his brother said that was just TWO WEEKS before he ran off with his co-worker. I never had a single, solitary clue. I knew that he had health problems, and spent a lot of time with the cardiologist, so I didn't push him into doing much in the bedroom. In fact, I always figured he couldn't hack it, due to a bad heart, and I allowed us to "cut down" that part of our relationship, for his sake, and only have it about once a week.

So what does he do when I asked him, stunned, why he left from one day to the next? He told me it was MY FAULT because I didn't seem to want him anymore in that department, and his new woman ALWAYS wanted him. They were taking "private" lunches for weeks. I was FURIOUS because here I was, ALWAYS wanting more and feeling like I was giving up that for HIS sake!

He didn't believe me, and went off to live with her. A month later he came back and said that he "doesn't know who he loves more" and to please wait for him until he gets his head together. He moved in with a male friend in order to clear his head.

That's where things stand now. I'm in shock. Our boys are in shock.

Not a single, solitary word did he ever speak that he was the slightest bit unhappy.....on the contrary. He told me that he couldn't imagine life without me just a week before he left.

So.....do I think that men should be trusted around other women? Not any more! The other woman is now telling him that "she will die" if he comes back to me, and he feels soooooooo sorry for her. (What about feeling sorry for ME?) He is being torn in two, and doesn't know what the heck he wants. He tells me that she can wrap her body up into a size 2 jean pretzel, and therefore drives him crazy. Nope.....I can't wrap my body into a size 2 jean pretzel....I'm a size 10 and probably always will be. But that doesn't mean I'm chopped liver, either! I'm just praying he will one day come to his senses!

Anyway......the poll is interesting, because if you had asked me two months ago what I thought, I would have said absolutely, positively number one. Now......heck, I just don't know.

@freedomelf: your answer made me very sad.
I have been with a cheating boyfriend for many years, and wasn't sure that after him I would be able to totally trust anybody ever again.
When I met my now husband, however, I knew that he deserved a chance, just like I deserved one, since his background was a cheating wife.
I did not want him to bring his past anger and distrust into our relationship, and I think he never did.

Apart from rambling on a little here, I just wanted to say one thing:
I hope you don't for one second believe that his leaving is your fault, and let yourself not be pressured into feeling guilty.

That is what my ex used to do (and often successfully, I have to admit).
He was the one that has been cheating nearly constantly for six years, but it was supposed to be my fault, since I spent too much time with my friends.
Basically his words were: If I had had everything I needed in this relationship, I would not have gone anywhere else.

Isn't it ridiculous?
If your husband never told you, that he was missing anything, how were you supposed to know.
Tell him to sort his life out, without trying to put the fault on your side.
Additionally to what he's already done that's highly unfair.

And on top of everything, I hope that this sad story will not stop you from trusting people again.
That would be a sore loss!

Thanks, Bohne. It really helps to have positive reinforcement. I do believe you are right.

Right now, I'm still hoping for all our sakes that he will make the right decisions soon, and start repairing his relationships with the family. He will one day realize that a young girl who he already admits has an irritating side (he never thought I was irritating after only 2 months....he thought I was "perfect" for at least the first two years, LOL!) is not worth the love of me and his sons, and both mine AND his family!

I have to admit, I was heartwarmed when his mother and sister took MY side, and told me that no matter what he does, I will always be their daughter/sister. They told him that he was an idiot. That helped a lot.

Thanks again

Trust in your partner .. well .

Im in a bad situation at the moment but on the opposite side being controling myself not to do anything with a very close family friend .

I am sooooo tempted and its killing me to stay strong but 1 thing i have noticed is that for the period of time ive been in this situation , the more things go through my head that the wife could be up to .

Long story short and please correct me if anyone else is going through this and thinks im wrong but if you are not trustworthy , then your always suspiciouse of your spouse and its nothing that your spouse brings on herself , its what you bring upon yourself .

My wife is a stunner in my eyes and seeing how easy it was for me to fall for someone else makes me just wonder if its happened to her . Im not a control freak and if she has lunches with clients , weekends away for work , well ill kiss her goodby , tell her to have a good time and look after the kids but mate , the thought is always there in the back of the head wondering if some rich business man has snapped her up .

Probably not a good way to think but classic example of where the trust comes from .

I;m never gonna get married...

let them flirt, it'll make them happy and it will get all the out of their system and stuff

I thought this was gonna be about engaging in menagerie a troisy...but I can see youse guys are oughta wack...so I'm not even gonna post.

Too late Frank... you already did... LOL