Am I uncomfortable about this for no reason?

But why is this an issue? Nothing did happen, and from the limited info I have, she has given you no evidence that anything will happen in the future. If she wants to go and do something like this again.. go with her. If she doesn't want to do this again there is no sense worrying about it. I guess I just don't see why there is such concern for something that did not and might not ever happen.

ps... welcome to A2K, irishhusband.

I absolutely agree with Soz. You shouldn't even TRY to fulfill all her emotional needs. That's a recipe for disaster, because it's simply not possible for any one person to do that for another. And it can be very controlling.

Two grown-up people stay together because they choose to. Because they like each other and they've built something solid together. Outside friendships and activities don't threaten that...if anything, they cement it. It makes for a more complete life.

I've been married for a long time. My husband has fishing buddies and other friends, and I don't like to do most of the stuff they do. I have my own friends and interests. And then we do some things together. (Actually, we're together a lot, but that's by choice, not because there's nothing else to do.)I'm going to the Chicago gathering by myself because my husband isn't that interested. (He doesn't care for internet forums...gets more than enough computer time on his job.) But he's glad I'm going and hopes I will thoroughly enjoy myself. I feel the same way when he wants to go on diving trips or has to travel on business. We love each other...we want each other to be happy.

We're the most important people in each others' lives, but we're not the ONLY people in each others' lives. And we don't even try to be. It's worked for 25 years so far. I highly recommend it. Give yourselves some space. Then, when you come together, you'll know it's because you WANT to.

Oh, and don't worry so much about what you've seen happen to other couples. You're planting seeds in your mind that your marriage may fail. That's not helpful. When you see people you know break up, think this instead: "Man, I'm so glad I don't have to worry about my wife doing that!" Then go give her a big hug and a kiss and tell her how lucky you both are that you have such a great relationship." After all, it's what a couple does when they're together that keeps them together or splits them apart. So spend your time together well and you won't have to worry about anything.

That's not necessarily so irish.

My marriage sounds like yours in that we enjoy each others company and don't socialize outside the home much.

Once in a while one or the other of us travels off for a few days to visit friends or do things that the other wouldn't be interested in. I'll have a blast and do stuff, go places I don't normally at home.

However, by the time I'm going home, I'm VERY glad to be getting back to my usual life....the one I chose to live with him.

Then for the first day or two I'll find myself saying in the evening...BOY am I glad to be home.

Hehe - thanks guys.

Well there are a few things most people seem to agree on:

1) I shouldn't worry as much. I think I agree with that too!

2) I should go with her next time so I can join her fun and have a good time with her - I will definately do that and she's already looking forward to it, she says I'll have a great time.

3) I have a wonderful wife. I KNOW. And going to bed with HER at the end of my day is the best feeling in the world.

4) I should give her a bit of space if she needs it. She hasn't asked for it, but if she does I will put on my best, biggest smile and encourage her in it.

We'll agree to disagree about the role of alcohol in such events. I still think that, drunk, nobody is in a position to enforce appropriate boundaries external to the marriage. But my wife doesn't seem to want to go get drunk at ALL, she says she didn't in Vegas and I believe that, and if she ever does want to drink a little more than usual, I think she wants me to be with her to look out for her anyway.

You have really helped me get my head (mostly) straight about this!

hey! don't leave!

there's lot's of other stuff to talk about around here!

check out some other threads, stay a while.

Chai Tea-

Thanks! I may just do that. Then you'll all arrange a trip to Vegas, and I'll go and have fun without my wife and she'll write in another forum the next day about how she feels like I've gone and had a great time without her!

I'll have to get an avatar I think.

Hehee. Welcome to the fold, irish!!

So glad things worked out for you by posting here. I know I'm continually learning a lot here....and the people are fine.

Yes, definitely! Get yourself an avatar and stick around!

Actually, you have to.

Because next time, it's your turn to answer the Insecure Husband thread.

That's the deal.

You DID read the TOS, didn't you?

<LOL>


(We might trade for one of the "addicted to porn" threads if you'd prefer. We're all getting tired of those.)

I'll trade it for a riddles question any day.

see, look at all the pretty females you've attracted so far....hope your wife won't be jealous, we're harmless

<snicker>

OH - just watch out for the wabbit!

Sharp dialog here, nods a bunch of times.


---- Her developing a lifestyle where her main fun is independent of me, and therefore her associating me with boredom.

This is a real possibility - it happens in minute ways all the time, in medium ways all the time, and in big ways.

What can I say about this?
Don't model yourself, your whole growth as an individual, to please a spouse who has opinions of this moment, as do you.

Keep growing as who you both are, but communicate.

Aha, I see I jumped from the end of page one to give my point of view. Well, anyway, I still agree.
and welcome to a2k.