First dates

Cav, onion is banned from my netwrok as a "tasteless site" !! Could u post the article for me ?? Considering that I am just abt to go on a "first date" with someone, I would be really interested in seeing this !!!

uh oh...you on a firewall...ok...I shall cut and paste:

LA JOLLA, CA?-Wrongly advised by friends and family to "just be himself," local tax attorney Marc Scanlon, 34, ruined a first date with Rachel Loftus by doing just that, sources close to the never-to-be couple reported Monday.

Above: Marc Scanlon, who made the error of being relaxed and authentic on the date. [insert pic here, lol]

"Marc was really nervous that Rachel wouldn't like him, and he kept obsessing over his appearance, his hair, what he should wear, and how he should act on the date," said Glenn Carlson, 40, a coworker of Scanlon's at the law firm of Jenkins & Straud. "I told him not to worry, that he should just be his true self and everything would be okay. Turns out, that was bad advice. On a first date, Marc's true self is pretty much exactly what most normal women don't want."

Divorced since 2001, Scanlon met the 29-year-old Loftus through mutual acquaintance Barbara O'Neill. Thinking the two might make a good match?-despite not knowing much about Scanlon personally?-O'Neill set the pair up on a blind date.

The date was, according to Loftus, one of her worst ever. Sources say the blame lay in Scanlon's ill-advised decision to put pretense aside, revealing his true identity and destroying any chance he might have had with Loftus.

"I'm glad he felt comfortable being himself," said brother Chris Scanlon, 39. "But when you're in full-blown mid-30s-crisis mode with misogynist tendencies and a desperate, neurotic need for approval, maybe 'the real you' is not the best thing to put forward."

According to reports, Scanlon's profound insecurity led him to monopolize the first 45 minutes of conversation, talking about nothing but himself. Worse, his inability to get over his divorce prompted him to meticulously detail every phase of his failed marriage.

"It's totally understandable that he's still feeling hurt and emotionally shaky from the breakup," Loftus said. "But that's the sort of thing you should keep buried deep down inside when you're first letting someone get to know you."

"Sure, in theory, a guy should be able to relax and be himself," Loftus continued. "But when you have such issues about aging that you show up to a date wearing a Billy Joel 'River Of Dreams World Tour' concert T-shirt under your sportjacket, you're putting up a neon sign on your forehead that says, 'Do Not **** Me, Ever.' I mean, this guy's a tax lawyer in his 30s. Did he think he was coming across as rockin' or something? Please."

Loftus added that, while there is nothing inherently wrong with a date mentioning that he attended Yale University, bringing it up every 10 minutes is probably not a good idea.

"Yale this, Yale that," Loftus said. "Any way he could work it into the conversation, he would. It was so obvious that he was clinging to his Ivy League pedigree out of insecurity, as a way of making himself look like an intelligent man of substance. It really just made him look like a dick."

Scanlon's inability to self-monitor further turned off Loftus when he disclosed "way, way, way too much" about his opinions on sex and relationships.

"He must have thought the honest approach would make him look like an open, non-uptight kind of guy,'" said waitress Susan Sanders, who served the pair during their excruciating two-hour dinner engagement. "Sexual frankness and maturity are great, but there's such a thing as inappropriate personal revelations. Do you really need to mention on a first date that you're 'totally cool with porn'?"

Those close to Scanlon report that he remains unaware that the date was a disaster, leaving repeated messages on Loftus' voicemail asking when they can "hook up" again.

Carlson predicted, however, that Scanlon's insecurity will soon begin to steadily mount with each passing day his calls are not returned, and that, inevitably, he will launch into an exhaustive self-pity session over Loftus' rejection of him.

"I'm sure Marc's next date, whoever she may be, will hear all about it?-if he ever gets another date," Carlson said. "If he does, I'm going to suggest he try being nothing remotely like himself."

Much funnier with the pic, but what can ya do? Also, if The Onion wasn't tasteless, I wouldn't like it so much, lol! This is a piece of humour, btw, not a real article...(hmm, do I hear lawyers in the background?)

!!!

Horror stories of first dates are very few....

A couple of times I have forgotten the name of the guy I was dating during the first date. But what took the cake was when I invited two men at the same time to the same place on a first date !!!

Heh heh, a definite no no...

Gautam - what were you thinking!?!?! aND, WHEN'S THE FIRST DATE WITH THE UNMENTIONED-INITIAL-GUY? Sorry about the caps.....

I don't really consider this a "date," but last summer my step-brother's girlfriend wanted to set me up with her friend. So I met them at a bar before a comedy show we had tickets to. We were all talking for about 3 minutes, when I noticed her face dropped, and she said "OH MY GOD, MY EX-BOYFRIEND JUST WALKED IN WITH A GIRL!" then ran in the bathroom. Then she went outside and sat on the curb and cried. Found out it really wasn't an "ex-boyfriend," but some guy she dated for about 3 weeks, a couple months before. I had to laugh...the girl was pretty pathetic! My step-brother was shaking his head saying "that girl's such a head case, I don't know what Toni was thinking." So we went to the comedy show, had good time, and went home.

Other than that, I've never had a "real" first date go bad so far, that I can remember.

Yep Slappy, it is for nights like that that beer was invented...

Yikes. What an ass. But being yourself is still the best advice for a first date. Or anywhere, huh? Exposing it all on the first night was the stupid part. That's where people like this make the mistake. I'll bet that if he wasn't so self-involved, monopolizing their entire time together talking about himself, that Billy Joel T-shirt would have come across as cute and a sign of something more to the tax lawyer than just boring taxes.

huh. never went on proper "dates" much as a single guy. usually ended up drunk at somebody's house; maybe went to breakfast the next morning. (hey, that doesn't sound so charming now, looking back on it.)

there was a first date of sorts with the gf. she had to go to an a.a. meeting, and i wanted to see an a.a. meeting, so we went together. went straight to a bar afterward -- but not the bar where we usually saw each other -- in fact, one that only sold beer, so the meeting must have had a profound effect.

'course, that i woke up the morning of the meeting in her bed probably disqualifies it from "date" status. i feel like i've missed out on so much.

Um, eoe....that article is a satire, it's not real.

But looking at it realistically, I'd have to say a Billy Joel t-shirt probably IS a sign that reads "Don't ever fu*k me."

Pdog - I was never much of a dater either until the last year or two. I had the same style. I'd end up having a crush on a friend of a friend and eventually end up in bed with him. No dates, just hanging around the same people.

Q. What do u call a man who wants to sleep with you on the second date ?

A. patient

lil'k - the intial is "R"

Good to have something more consice(sp?) to use.

Slappy, I know it's satire. And it probably occurs at least 50 percent of the time on first dates. Lots to be learned in that little tale.
You know how many people love Billy Joel? Not me in particular but you can't count out the millions of records he's sold.

That's true, there's tons of Billy Joel fans out there...but if you REALLY want to impress the lady, an "A-Team" t-shirt is in order.

My first date with my husband was scary

I was working at a walmart at the time, I was fresh out of highschool. He came over to take me out to "dinner" on my one hour break. Well we went about 2 blocks away and while we were eating a blizzard came up. It was so blinding it was frightening. And worse.. his windshield wipers on his early 80's Maxima was't working. (his grandfather gave him the car...) So we both had to stick our heads out the window to see where we were going.

When we got back to walmart he high centered the car on an island (the concrete curbs out in the parking lot that usually has the shrubbery growing in them) because the snow was 18 inches deep and he couldn't see where the road was. So I had to walk in to to the store from the far end of the lot. I was wearing a skirt and flats, and I was late. I had to page for some one with a truck to nudge him off his island and then work over to make up for my lateness, since I was 45 minutes late.

:sigh:

Cav quickly hides his BA Baracus doll (it's an action figure!)

That's the great thing about The Onion...laugh while you learn.

Q: What does a lesbian do on a first date?

A: Moves in the furniture.

Q: What does a lesbian drive on a second date?

A: A U-Haul.

Q: What does a gay man drive on a second date?

A: What second date?