Some great little quips.
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Life is sexually trasmitted. (get it?? get it??

)
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at
which one can die.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach
a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for
anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the
stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays
no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Something to ponder....
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.
Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.