Why Do People Fall in Love?

3 votes for sympatico-ness, including mine. I would consider ability to communicate as what keeps love though...

Yeah, same vote, but just going from gut reaction; since "love" is an amorphous entity (or an ill-defined model of behavior) and entails different things to different people, though, I ain't gonna be able to go too far past that...

I voted for "simpatico-ness" - I think that combines elements of some of the others. Their pheremones, looks, actions, and kismet are all in synch.

Yeah. The problem with these polls is that it's hard to avoid broadcasting your biases -- I'd say simpatico-ness with a healthy dollop of dumb luck, too. It's just that we have been having a few discussions about how to get people to fall in love with you, basically, and my bias is that's all silly -- two people will basically fall in love or not, and there's not much you can do, scheming-wise, to affect that.

fall in loveinitially, or stay in love indefinitely?

Um, good distinction. I guess stay in love indefinitely -- how you find the person you'll spend your life with. (Though that confers a value judgement -- what's wrong with little short connections? Hmmm. This stuff is too complicated to have a coherent discussion about, ain't it?)

No tthat I have any real and practical experience of STAYING in love, but I'd say that communication is what keeps you in love (or out of it, but not, at least, indifferent to it). I voted for simpatico-ness when I assumed you meant FALLING in love.

I vote none of the above. I'd have voted for: "Because they want to and allow themselves to begin defining their emotions that way"

littlek, I did mean falling in love, but was trying to make a distinction between falling in love for a while or falling in love with someone you'd spend the rest of your life with. That wasn't very clear.

I thought of this because of this discussion, in which a poor lovestruck fella is getting widely varying advice on how to get the girl.

I added "other".

I voted for chemical attraction purely, because at nearly 40 years old, I have been falling in love at least once a day for as long as I can remember (my first babysitter...yeah!). As far as staying in love for awhile, I would say that simpatico-ness really smooths out rough edges of a positive relationship. Add the simpatico-ness in with good communication and W_O_R_K and maybethe result would be that lifelong "ride off into the sunset together" kind of love. My problem is, that after three engagements, I have yet to tie the knot. Maybe I am scared, or just lack the third ingredient needed to make the long haul....
Hmmmm....littlek: any insight for me???

Actually, driving back from my mother, I just heard in the radio "What is love" by Howard Jones and thought this to be a good question on A2K ... ... .

I've worked some years a "youthworker", and this was one of the main questions by the kids. "You'll notice/feel it, when it is there" wasn't the most satisfactory answer of mine to their question(s), to be honest!

What makes two people fall in love, and stay in love, is they both fufill each other's emotional+physical needs, mostly simpatico-ness, then some physical attraction(maybe that comes first?), and a little playing your cards right. Maybe your poll question could be "what is the biggest factor in making people fall in love?" It's a mix of everything.

Plus the woman's abililty to make a mean sammich.

A mean sammich tends to bite you in the ass, no?

Speaking of love....here is a downer of a conversation I heard between two old ladies who live in our building:

"How is your husband?"

"My husband died."

"Your husband died?"

"They all have to die sometime..."

"What are you going to do?"

"I am staying here, but I really don't know what to do..."

Love as something indefinable, whose loss still tears you apart, even in old age, and even through decades probably spent going over the same arguments. Excuse me, I think I need a tissue now...

I saw this topic and thought of the old song "Why do Fools Fall in Love?"

Why does the rain fall from up above?
Why do fools fall in love?
Why do they fall in lo-ove? etc.

I voted for simpatico-osity, and I'd vote for it for both falling in love and staying in love. I think physical attraction is absolutely necessary. Like it or not, we all love a pretty wrapping and we're all very visually-oriented (I'm sure a big part of our brains is wired to appreciate visuals). So we need to see what we like, but that can be variable. When in college, I once fell for a guy who really wasn't attractive, but he was funny and smart and we had fun together. We went out for a year and a half, and broke up when I went off to Law School.

But simpatico-stuff.

Oh yeah. No question that that's why Mr. J & I fell for one another, and why we stay together. I can scarcely imagine now, hanging around with someone who couldn't "get" how I like to put away the groceries or which channels I like to surf to. I know those are minor things, but it's all a part of what makes up the whole, and they're all a part of what makes living together easier.

Plus Mr. Jespah makes a mean sammich.

Love reminds me of another song:

"Phenomena...doo doo doo doo doo...."

Dish - insights? Wouldn't that be a bit like the blind leading the blind? I've never once even been engaged.

For me there had to be a physical attraction to start off, but the times I've been in love we just clicked.

I know....I was just welcoming you to my club...anyone else want to join the not-amused-by-those-with-successful-relationships club?