Granted!
Frustrated at only being able to kill each other with swords and crossbows, military scientists discover germ and chemical warfare 300 years earlier than the present timeline, killing off most of Europe and North America by the Napoleonic Wars. What is left of the World is finished off by the early discovery of the atomic bomb just in time for the Russo-Japanese War. By 2006, the 2,500 remaining humans on Earth fight with rocks.
I wish that brussel sprouts tasted like french fries.
Conceded!
But french fries taste like brussel sprouts.
I wish I could play the guitar like Eddie Van Halen
Granted. Too bad the rest of the world becomes tone deaf.
I wish the earth truly is the centre around which the universe revolves
Granted.Now you are the centre round which the earth revolves.
I wish this marmalade had more orange peel in it.
Granted. Pity it was your marmalade cat the genie zapped.
I wish I could snap my fingers and chores would be done.
Granted. The moment you snap your fingers, all sorts of chores get done in all sorts of places, said places sharing only one characteristic, namely that they are located thousands of miles from your place. sadly enough, due to the precarious balance inherent to this world between chores done and chores to do (which roughly evens out to for each chore done, there remain two more to do), more chores to do need to be added someplace. Graciously enough, the genie has made that someplace, your place. So every time you snap your fingers, chores elsewhere get done, and more chores add up at your own place.
I wish I could grant wishes in a less convoluted way.
Granted. Every wish you grant will be so twisted, they will be unidentifiable.
I wish I could make a great discovery.
Granted. You have discovered you are a great fool.
I wish I didn't always confuse this thread with the Insult Thread.
Granted. Now you confuse it 99.99% of the time.
I wish I could stop time to sleep more.
Granted. Time is now stopped at 11:12 am, April 21st, for the rest of eternity. Everyone and everything, except you, are frozen in time and cannot see or perceive you. Too bad you didn't wish for the ability to restart time again....
I wish everyone in the World would send me $1.00 each.
Granted. But you have to pay 110% of taxes.
I wish I wouldn't wish anymore.
Granted.Now you're spared contributing anymore.
I wish that sexy blonde in the pub would respond to my leerings.
Granted. But now you are glad to post in the wrong thread.
(about the blonde, granted also but she surrendered to me first)
I wish Spendius have a good night in the pub..
Granted. He passes out quickly due to excessive binging, but spends a really good night sleeping on a bunk in the basement.
I wish I could receive the 110% tax the evil genie had just levied.
Granted.But now you have to spend it which is a form of low level agony.
I wish the duty maid would stop howling at the moon on the croquet green.
Granted. However, now she only howls outside your window when you are trying to sleep.
I wish I had the famous "money tree" in my backyard.
Granted.
Unfortunately, it is on a water department easement, and is cut down for a new pipeline. Your property taxes are raised to pay for tree removal and frontage on the new pipeline.
I wish there were no pain, misery or death anywhere in the World.
Granted. I will refrain from making remarks about moles and worms being at peace, and treat the in as a typo.
So, there is no death, no pain and no misery. Of course, you said nothing about a. aging and b. malnutrition. So no one dies, yet everyone keeps on aging until they are shrivelled husks. Meanwhile, due to evergrowing population, not enough crops can be grown, as a result everyone is starving as well. Enjoy!
I wish I could meet a friendly alien from out of space!
Granted you will, but it is a neuter made out of aluminum.
I wish I could go into retirement already.
