Granted. Unfortunately, it's tasty for horses only.
I wish I found oil in my backyard!
Granted.
Your backyard is now six feet deep in canola oil.
I wish I had purchased Microsoft stock twenty years ago.
Granted. Too bad you sold it the following day.
I wish I could go anywhere I wanted by just wishing I were there.
Granted. Welcome to the vacuum of space.
I wish I had a good gift already purchased for my Dad's birthday.
Granted. It's a good gift for a 5 year old girl.
I wish I had already done all my homework.
Granted-- it's "F" work, but it's done.
I wish someone would clean my kitchen for me.
Granted. A thief comes along and cleans your kitchen right out! (And as an added bonus, he checks out the rest of the place as well!)
I wish I gained incredible eyesight, and was capable of spotting the farthest stars or the tiniest virus
Granted-- of course, you can't even move for fear of all the disgusting bacteria you see crawling on every surface--you can't even give anyone a kiss since you can see all the germs on their lips--can't pet your dog anymore...
I wish I was a famous and high-paid artist.
Granted.But you have to go on all the chat shows and become a new Messiah.
I wish I could tell which women in the pub have the clap.
Granted. They are the ones who applaud when they see you.
I wish I could read minds.
Granted... Too bad everybody thinks you are mad and you are locked inside a sanitorium... Where you still have the ability to read minds. Ouch!
I wish I could speak with Aristotle
Granted.
Your phone will now ring. When you answer it you will hear a man's voice speaking in the Attic dialect of ancient Greek. It will be Aristotle. You tell him you can't understand a word he is saying and he immediately hangs up on you. No one will ever believe you received the call, and you will be ridiculed or regarded as delusional if you ever try to talk about it.
I wish I lived in a beautiful mansion.
Granted. Poof! You are a termite who lives in a beautiful mansion.
I wish I could write a great novel.
Granted. You now have a masterful talent with words. Too bad you lack a decent working speed. In order to write your masterpiece, you'll have to dedicate the rest of your natural life to writing it.
I wish I could dazzle the women of my age with my great dancing skills.
Granted but you are a castrate now.
I wish I had one more finger on each hand.
Granted, you now have one more finger on each hand but there are no gloves to fit you and you had to move to The Frozen North where you got frostbite to the point where your hands had to be cut off.
I wish I had a full-time housekeeper.
Granted. But, your housekeeper either breaks or steals everything he/she cleans.
I wish I could take an Alasken Cruise.
Granted.And a rich widow/er with the same idea has cornered you in your cabin.
I wish I hadn't been born yet and could arrive when all this bullshit has been cleared away.
Granted.
Unfortunately, all this b...s... will never be cleared away, so you will never be born.
I wish I owned a working time machine.
Granted. It works by moving you back or forward through time... one second per second. You will not age or need any sustenance while in the machine, but your active mind will quickly desire something to relieve the boredom.
I wish gunpowder was never invented.
