My job (depressing so you can skip this if you wnat)

I think, in order to cheer Seed up, we A2K women should post naked pictures of ourselves here.

Montana, you start ....

<Ellpus pulls up chair and polishes monocle>

The one-eyed wonder?

Well, I can help with the silly jokes.


This is the usual email purporting to contain real events...hellifino, but it is funny:

"Disorder in the American Courts


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
____________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>>> > ____________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
>>> > _____________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>>> > ______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
>>> > ____________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>>> > _____________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan
>>> > ___________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>>> > __________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>>> > __________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..
>>> > __________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>>> > __________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.
>>> > __________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>>> > ________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>>> > ________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>>> > ________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>>> > _________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>>> > ________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
>>> > ________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
an autopsy on him!
>>> > _________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law. !!!!! [I love it!!!]










Yay on the neice!


I am considering the nekkid picture....

This one is my favorite

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

its not htat i hate my job, i actually like, love my job. its just the horrors of war, of man kind ask==cting so foolishly that we will eventually cease to be the dominate creature on the planet because of our own stupid acts and intentions, and seeing all these things first hand that make me hate being in Iraq. if it wasnt for the war, i would be having one hell of a good time.

Well..... then, you have a lott to look forward to in your homecoming.....? Maybe? Sigh. How long did you say you have to be there for?

Seed - Another one thinking of you and wishing you a speedy return home. I can't imagine how much your situation must suck right now, and for that I am sorry. But, you will get through this.

Keep in touch, and don't keep it bottled up inside you. You have a lot of people here that care about you, and we will do what we can. If you need a laugh, just remember Bear singing... spandex and all!

My heart is with you, Seed. See you soon!

Ok, but I may need the striptease song to get me motivated.

There was a young lady of Wight
Who had great trouble sleeping at night
Because of the ping,
Ping, ping of her spring
And the glare of her little red light.

Does anyone else have a limerick for Seed?

Ill go first..

Oh my god!!!! Are you trying to devistate my poor Seed?

i get to come home in august for two weeks on leave ad then my unit is coming home sometime in november, but then i will be going back to ft. leonardwood, MO so its still not home you know

and ladies, ladies you dont have to strip for me one the internet for everyone to see... you can just send me the pictures via mail

A stately giraffe, when he necks
Or a Hippo, when he's having sex,
Aren't worth atut-tut-
To the bellowing rut
Of the great Tyranosaurus Rex

by Isaac Asimov

<charging up my camera>

Have I given you my address yet??

Anon

Sorry Anon, they're all reserved nice and special for my Seed.

And besides, I have to think about my reputation, you know ;-)

Hey! Mum's the word!! I wouldnt tell anyone! Oh, well ... I tried

Anon

i sure do feel special.... ishould post my address now lol