ossobuco wrote:I agree with Set's comments, in particular this part -
Quote:
We have a silly notion of "love at first sight," suggesting that you can know that you love someone simply by looking at that person--that is surely simply attraction, and failing to establish a relationship of mutual trust, respect and just consideration of the other, is nothing more than attraction. We are thought to be obliged to love our parents, our siblings or our children, but the concept of the alienation of affection gives the lie to that.
I think that as people mature, they can come to realize that they need only find a compatible partner, and that love can (although does not necessarily as a matter of course) grow from that. To that extent, i contend that we can choose whom we will love, always with the caveat that we won't likely overcome a deepseated repugnance for certain characteristics or behavior. For that love to grow, and persist, it is necessary to repect the other person, to trust the other, and to treat the other person at all times justly and with consideration. It ought to be needless to say, but i'll point out nonetheless, that the other person must reciprocate those regards.
Me, I think love is a product of a relationship, a continuing renewal of caring through an interchange of consideration, trust, respect; a renewing of listening to each other, growing individually at the same time growing as a couple.. not two mirrors, but two people communicating.
osso, what did you mean by not two mirrors? Did you mean not two separate images?
Eva wrote:dyslexia wrote:the thing is hephi, until someone comes along that's going to do your dying for you, noone should be telling you how to do your living.
Absolutely right, and perfectly put.
As always. I don't know how he does it.
hephzibah wrote:osso, what did you mean by not two mirrors? Did you mean not two separate images?
Without suggesting that i can speak for Miss Osso, i took this to refer to the delusional vision of love in which each person only sees in the other a reflection of themselves--when it ain't about the other, but it's always about me. That was my take, anyway.
That's how I took it, too. (And I agree.)
Setanta wrote:hephzibah wrote:osso, what did you mean by not two mirrors? Did you mean not two separate images?
Without suggesting that i can speak for Miss Osso, i took this to refer to the delusional vision of love in which each person only sees in the other a reflection of themselves--when it ain't about the other, but it's always about me. That was my take, anyway.
Wow. That's pretty good. A little deeper than I was looking at it actually. Thank you.
Without reading the whole thread, I would strongly suggest "The Art of Love" by Eric Fromm.
Curiously, I'm asking myself whether its worth loving someone - as in a girl-boy relationship - at my young age (20)... weird stuff.
Love is pretty strange. I know I love my parents, but have never told them so, neither have they. I feel that I love my friends, but have never said so... except to one (that was cool). I think I love my girlfriend, and I have mentioned her so... I wonder why :S.
What is Love?
This is my personal view to love:
1) Love, overall, is expressed by treating a person the way you'd want to be treated (or at least trying). :wink:
2) Adding to this, as icing on a cake, is romantic love. This is when one person feels completed by the other, as that last piece of a puzzle clicked into place which completes the soul (the mind, will, and emotions), fulfills the heart, and at an eventual point in time, satiates the body.
3) Family love, related by blood or not, is the kind of internal love that refuses to be broken.
Infuse #1 and #3 with #2, and you have a romantic love which never dies.
Fascinating thread and good comments all round.
Some break down love to chemicals which circulate in our bloodstreams. That's probably true but it doesn't really help us in our normal lives.
The feeling of love is one which binds us to the person whom we love - whether that is family or friends or a partner.
Love is just one element which makes a "relationship" work...it also takes attraction and respect. (See Julian Barnes' book "Talking it Over" for my source of this).
In my experience, even these three are not enough to make a relationship work. There also needs to be common/compatible aims in life at the time...therefore a practial element must be right as well...otherwise frustration sets in because compromise goes too far and then the other elements are hard to bear.
I'll listen more now.
KP
What is Love?
*listening to the rain falling to the pulsating rhythm of her very being, as she touches and heals, and fulfills their every dream*
I've gone over this post 1000 times in my head. Funny how I sit down to write it and my mind goes blank. It's been a long haul for me in the last four months. Coming here really turned my life upside down and inside out in many ways. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I made my life public. I don't regret it because that's just part of who I am and I'm ok with that. I'm writing this because, as in my true form, I need to say what's on my heart. This probably is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever written. It already is. I've made some decisions finally as the dust in my life has begun to settle. I'm move back to FL. I think I need to do this for me.
Someone called this whole thing a "saga" and truthfully that hurt because I did take it from a negative perspective, but I see now that it has been a saga, and maybe to some that is a bad thing, but to me it's just my life. I have never hidden anything from anyone here about who I am or what I think. I'm not afraid to be myself because I figured out many years ago that I am the one person I will never get away from. Maybe to some this is just a forum, a place to let it all hang out. I don't know. To me, as crazy as this may sound, it's been life changing. In some ways for the better. In some ways for the worse. I've really seen that somewhere along the line in my life I finally did come to a place of being ok with who I am. I don't like everything I do, but I like me. I guess all the crap I've been going through somehow revealed that to me.
No. I'm not perfect. I definitely have my share of blaring imperfections. No doubt. I guess I'm just saying all this because whether people chose to believe that I am sincere or not in saying this, I do care about you people. No. I never met you. Probably never will. But behind that screen to me, there is a person who thinks, feels, has dreams, and desires in life. Someone whose life has value and importance. Whose opinion has value, even if I do think it stinks... I only hope that somehow in the time that I've been here I've been able to convey that through my actions and the way I treated people.
I've been withdrawing lately because I was getting to the place of wallowing instead of moving on. As well as not caring so much if my anger came out on someone else. I'm not ok with that. I hope that as I move on and sort through all these things in my life I don't lose caring about how my words and actions effect others. I hope I don't lose the desire to see the good in people, even when they hurt you. Anyway, I said all that to say this. Thank you. You all really have touched my life in so many ways and I am grateful. I don't know if I'll be back, because I really don't know what's next. I just know I need move on now and start picking up the broken pieces of my so called life.
So, take it how ever you want. A plea for attention. Whining. Or whatever other negative ways people sometimes choose to take things. I can't change that, and I don't really care to try to be honest. But I hope some at least will see that with all my heart I am being sincere and only wanting to tell you how I feel because I do care about you, and I need some closure on this as well. I wish all of you the best in whatever you choose to pursue in life. Take care of yourselves, because you are the only you there will ever be, and that means something.
Sometimes I think my dog has it all figured out better than me. What to do? Get on yer bad motor scooter and ride!
Signed,
The Marauder of Love
heph, I hope you made it to Florida, and that you're getting to a good, comfortable, place in your own skin.
Wishing you well.
love is somethingt that doesn't need lot of work
Pajamazzon--
Believe me, there are times when it is very difficult to love a crying baby or a thoughtless husband or an overly-demanding parent.
Love takes work.
Everytime I see this thread I think:
What Is Love?
Perhaps the hardest part about defining love is that it's so hyped up, that I don't always know if what I feel for someone is love or not.
I agree with some of the aspects of the way love has been described here, particularly by (I think) Setanta. However, I don't think love really refers to a specific thing.
I often hear it said that when you first meet someone, and you're very passionate and affectionate it's not really love. Then when you get to know them, and gain trust and dependence or whatever it becomes love. But I could equally argue that when all those things happen, it is just becoming friends with benefits.
There are some who have slipped away that I will never forget, women whom I've loved and will always care about and think of from time to time. Is that the sign of real love, that a long time has passed and I still think about them fondly?
I don't know, I don't think there really is a definition for love, I think love is just a word that means you have strong positive feelings for someone, rather subjective.
80's flashback anyone?
I love you whether or not you love me
I love you even if you think that I don't
Sometimes I find you doubt my love for you, but I don't mind
Why should I mind, Why should I mind
Chorus
What is Love anyway, does anybody love anybody anyway
What is Love anyway, does anybody love anybody anyway
Can anybody love anyone so much that they will never fear
Never worry never be sad
The answer is they cannot love this much nobody can
This is why I don't mind you doubting
And maybe love is letting people be just what they want to be
The door always must be left unlocked
To love when circumstance may lead someone away from you
And not to spend the time just doubting
Howard Jones
i think that love is often over-rated.
Re: What is Love?
hephzibah wrote:I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Wondering, really what is love?
It's an inherent survival mandate due to our need for social structure.
