Therapy For Relationships Is A Scam

Mame wrote:

Wouldn't that depend on the reason for the counselling/therapy?

Wouldn't what depend? Also what makes you presume the "reason" is known, beforehand or otherwise?

Let's say you think you have irreconcilable differences or you've grown too far apart and don't want to stay in the relationship but you want to run your thoughts by someone... you therefore know the reason you're there!

April 27, 2005
New Study Shows Marriage Counseling Doesn't Work Well

I already knew that marriage counseling has a poor track record. A 1997 paper by Sullivan and Bradbury entitled "Are premarital prevention programs reaching couples at risk for marital dysfunction?" in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology had shown that "[w]hile couples who experienced premarital counseling claim to be more satisfied in their marriages than couples who did not, in the end there is no difference in marital outcomes between those couples who have had extensive premarital counseling and those who have not."

A new study has shown that marriage counseling doesn't work. It found that "[t]wo years after ending counseling, studies find, 25 percent of couples are worse off than they were when they started, and after four years, up to 38 percent are divorced."

Many of the counseling strategies used today, like teaching people to listen and communicate better and to behave in more positive ways, can help couples for up to a year, say social scientists who have analyzed the effectiveness of different treatments. But they are insufficient to get couples through the squalls of conflict that inevitably recur in the long term.

At the same time, experts say, many therapists lack the skills to work with couples who are in serious trouble. Unable to help angry couples get to the root of their conflict and forge a resolution, these therapists do one of two things: They either let the partners take turns talking week after week, with no end to the therapy in sight, or they give up on the couple and, in effect, steer them to divorce.

"Couples therapy can do more harm than good when the therapist doesn't know how to help a couple," said Dr. Susan M. Johnson, professor of psychology at the University of Ottawa and director of the Ottawa Couple and Family Institute.

The article quote Dr. John Gottman, whom I'm already familiar with. He's a relationship expert who I feel is better at his job than that shyster John "Mars/Venus" Gray. The article also cited an unnamed recent study that had shown "that it is not whether a couple fights but how they fight that can destroy a relationship."

Posted on April 27, 2005 at 12:42 PM | Permalink

Comments
Trish,

As a Child and Family Therapist, I can attest to three things regarding marital counseling: 1. If one spouse wants to be there and the other one doesn't - forget about it.
2. If one spouse makes changes and the other one doesn't - forget about it.
3. If both want to be there and both make changes, the chance of success skyrockets.

I didn't see these variables addressed in the report.

Posted by: Screwy Hoolie at Apr 28, 2005 4:46:40 PM

I have some friends whose marriage counseling made them realize that they HAD to get divorced. The question was, should we do it now when we can still be friendly and civil, or do we wait until later (i.e. when the kids are grown) and we all suffer terribly?

They chose the former. The aftermath has not been smooth for reasons I won't go into here, but the split was the fault of both parties equally and I heard the same story from both of them.

Posted by: kohoutekdriver8 at Apr 28, 2005 10:39:07 PM

Hoolie is wise in ways like this. Oy. From one who knows.

Posted by: The Heretik at Apr 28, 2005 11:46:28 PM

I don't doubt that more marital therapy attempts fail than succeed, but there are factors to consider. First, what is failure? As a psychotherapist who does quite a bit of marital work, I find that the goal is not always for the couple to remain a marital unit.

Also, of the instances of marital therapy recorded in the study, how many were actual therapeutic experiences, and how many involved the couple showing up a few times and then dropping out?

I have had some good experiences helping couples stay together by showing them new ways to deal with each other. I have also turned many couples away and told each party to enter individual therapy instead. Is that a statistical failure?

Relatively healthy people do well in couple therapy. Relatively unhealthy people do not.

Posted by: Diane at Apr 29, 2005 1:16:28 PM

I wasted time for 2 years in marital therapy. All it did was give the ex more time to find ways to run up debt in my name or dump on me after the divorce. The therapist never called him on his efforts to control the therapy process, or his refusal to do one damn thing or make even one small symbolic concession or compromise. I think she was basically intimidated by him, as much as any of his former wives or girlfriends. You'd think a therapist would see the abuse dynamic and how it was being reenacted with her, but she was apparently oblivious.

Interesting it that the one time we saw a man, a minister as it was, he called the ex on his order issuing right away. Ex didn't like it. Women therapists cannot let themselves be bullied by these types.

Posted by: silverside at Apr 29, 2005 3:13:46 PM

One intervention that I know has helped a lot of marriages is attending a Retrouvaille weekend along with the follow-up gatherings. This is a peer ministry of people who themselves have managed to create positive marriages after significant problems--affairs, alcoholism, sex addictions, etc.

Posted by: Emily at May 10, 2005 2:05:42 PM

Unfortunately, most marriage counseling are not
interested in marriage counseling. They attempt
to provide treatmeant which is outside of their
scope of practice.
Few marriage counselors conduct research or write
articles on marriage counselors. Even the study
being referenced here was conducted by psychologist.
Professional Jounals rearly contain articles by
marriage counselors. Most marriage counseling is
provided by clinical social workers or psychologists.


Posted by: George Anderson at Jul 11, 2005 11:30:13 PM

"I wasted time for 2 years in marital therapy. All it did was give the ex more time to find ways to run up debt in my name...

Interesting it that the one time we saw a man, a minister as it was, he called the ex on his order issuing right away. Ex didn't like it. Women therapists cannot let themselves be bullied by these types."

This is interesting Silverside. As your ex appeared to combined the worse traits of both men and women in one uber personality package. The natural aggression displayed by most males by ordering you around and the female passive/aggressive behavior in spending down someone else's resources; while contributing NOTHING significant of their own...as I find the WORSE offenders in this area are frequently women who neither work OR add children to the family...

I mean the bottom line is that people have to understand if you are not contributing anything of significance to the relationship (either money or children) you'd got to accept the lesser role in the family...and I find men are never willing to do that...

Thus these househusband/stay-at-home dad situations rarely succeed for any length of time...as men fail to accept the lesser role. They want to STILL be the 'head of household' and telling everyone else what to do, giving orders, etc., even though they are contribiting significantly less to the household...

Posted by: NYMOM at Sep 24, 2005 5:52:37 AM

Retrouvaille is just another sham of the Christian right! I was drug to a retreat which would "save my marriage" told that God hated divorce and was badgered for the last months of my marriage and even our separation by people who knew what was best for me. I talked to two other men at the retreat who felt the way I felt. Just ending the thing made ending the marriage and going through the divorce a hell of a lot more difficult. But then, that is their agenda.

Posted by: tw05439 at Feb 6, 2006 10:15:41 AM

Worked for me and Becky. But perhaps we would have worked things out without it.

Posted by: Chris Clarke at Feb 6, 2006 10:33:17 PM

Ideally, couples seek a therapist at the beginning of their marriage in order to learn how to treat each other, recognize bad behavioral patterns and find ways to weather difficult situations.

I have never been in therapy, so I cannot tell you if any of them
are good or not. I do believe that some therapists lack the necessary
skills to help a couple in need. Like in any other field, there are
good professionals and there are bad ones.

Chumly, can you, from experience, attest that the claims in a), b) and c)
are correct or incorrect?

You infer there may be good therapists. Without a scientific, subjective empirically based yardstick, exactly how would you know this? Even if true that there are good therapists, without a scientific, subjective empirically based yardstick, exactly would one know a good therapist from a bad therapist?

Chumly,

You overintellectualize what is simply a human connection - it either works or it doesn't.

People nowadays GET OUT of (bad) marriages much more quickly and easily than in past generations.

You really should post your queston on the philosophy board.

You have taken out the human factor in all your arguments.