Quote:The type of people who have children and yet do not understand their responsibilities, as parents. Nor do they value the problems their children may have.
Right. It seems that on one hand you have the parents who see and invent problems when in reality what's happening is only normal but maybe disappointing (to them) childhood behavior, and then on the other hand parents who seem too busy to or uninterested in providing the minimum amount of care a child needs, and so turn a blind eye.
Parenthood is overwhelming though. I remember when I had my son, I was so enamored of him, and so excited and nervous about the whole thing and my mother (who raised six kids) had watched me hovering and worrying about every little sniffle and sneeze (babies have a lot of mucous to get out of their system - and I became convinced my son had cystic fibrosis). I called her up at six in the morning one day, crying and she said, "Rebecca - listen to me - you're a good mother. You'll never be neglectful. But if you don't relax you'll drive yourself and that baby crazy. Just relax and enjoy him." That was the best advice about parenting anyone ever gave me.
Quote:Genetic in violence, we have been involved with boy's who for instance have been discarded at birth and been lucky enough to be adopted into homes of professional people who have raised them well. I have been involved when they turn, and turn they do. A young lad fifteen or sixteen years of age, well developed and strong, turning on adopted parents who don't argue with each other is quite a shock to put it mildly. I have seen the damage they have done to beautiful homes as well as the parents. That is rather leaving it a little too late for us to do a lot with them. However, I can honestly say only one such boy has let me down and that was a great pity.
Children who are adopted do tend to have more issues. Separation from their biological mother has been called "the primal wound". It is something that needs to be taken seriously and ministered to over the lifetime of that person. Adoptive parents who don't understand this, will be shocked and surprised at the issues that arise later despite all of their loving and nurturing and good intentions.
BUT- the implications of this can be lessened if the child has made an attachment during the first six months with a caregiver (who can be anyone) who is a constant in his or her life and appropriately attached to the child him or herself. This initial attachment is what is most important and allows the child to be able to attach to someone else in the future.
Children who are adopted are more suscebtible to depression and emotional upheaval, but have not been found to be inherently more violent. In fact, all of the school shooters have been biologicals and the huge majority of children who kill their parents are biologicals and were not adopted.
There have been some studies about genetics and violent tendencies. But alot of them have been questioned lately - even the whole XYY syndrome that was supposed to predispose males to violence and was pretty much taken as gospel ten years ago is being called into question now.
Genetics is such a crap shoot. And most mental or emotional pathologies that arise later in a child's life have an environmental component as well. For example there have been studies on identical twins in which one develops a mental illness and the other doesn't, although genetically they're identical. The accepted theory is that along with a genetic predisposition, there also has to be some insult - a head injury, abuse or neglect, even exposure to a virus- to trigger the resultant disease. Genetics alone (as is the case with a suscebtibility to cancer) is often not enough. There has to be a triggering agent present.
Anyway - what family on this earth doesn't have some genetic time bomb waiting to go off in some child they produce? Having a child biologically is not any more of a guarantee of anything than adoption. If people want to be sure of anything and in control of their lives - they shouldn't have children at all, because it's the ultimate leap of faith and fraught with all kinds of uncertainties and anxieties.
Quote:
Part of the work I was involved with meant taking a large number of boys on holiday for a week each year. There was a wonderful place in North Wales. Swimming, nature trails, (some of them have never seen a rabbit or a sheep) football, cricket and arrange a couple of days boxing tournament with the local ABA clubs. I could in all honesty give you names of some lads who have become household names since then. It is a great feeling whenever I see them on television or in the newspapers.
There is a very special relationship built up with them over the years, road running (me on a bicycle ) up hill and down dale, shadow boxing every other telegraph pole, swimming in lakes. They never forget it.
Sounds fun - I know what you mean. There's nothing like it.
Quote:If Spendius needs employment, I could get him fixed up as a punch bag. :wink:
Who says he needs employment? He just asked who could save these kids from control freaks- and I think someone like him would be a big asset to the cause. Whether he chose to do it as a career (there are a lot of people who switch to teaching through lateral entry - they have skills and experience in another job which they then apply and teach in the classroom) or as a past time - I think he'd have a lot to offer kids like the ones I see everyday.
