Sheep - a poem in one sentence

Becky-

I like my username.Most people call me spendi now which I like even better.



Well-the Chancellor of the Exchequer,in his budget speech today,has been much more judgemental than I can ever be.He has fined them.Not as much as I would like but it's easy to see the direction he's moving in.If the Treasury can be that judgemental I think I'm entitled to be.And Mr Bush in the State of the Union said they were sick.(Addiction is sick isn't it?)

Okay Spendius - One thing you got to understand. Only a few really, really select people get to call me Becky. One is named Mr. Glenn and he's an elderly gentleman that has known since I was a baby because he went to my church and another is my learning disabled friend, Jenny, who has trouble pronouncing Rebecca. That is literally the extent of my Beckiness.

My friends mainly call me Becks. My mother calls me Becca. Or you could always just say Rebecca - it's a good, strong name - why mess with it?

I like your user name too. I really do - but I think I'll stick with Spendius - it's so dignified and serious and those are the characteristics that seem most pronounced to me now as opposed to those bygone crazy days when you used to be so funny and silly all the time and I called you Spendi.

But you seem to have taken your sweetness pills today. I'm just so impressed with how very convivial and positive we're being. It's making me a little nervous, because as you know I have trust issues and it's kind of strange, but hey - it's all just a big, old dream and then we die, right?I'll try to remember that and not be too sensitive or take it all too seriously when the boom is suddenly lowered.

Addiction is a sickness I think, yes, I agree with that. Devotion and committment are alright, but when it spills over to dependence, that can become troublesome.

I think Americans are addicted to consumerism and materialism and I think it's making the whole world sick- but you have to be honest and admit that some people in the UK seem to be buying into the whole "capitalist, consumerism, and the individual is everything as opposed to what is best for the group as a whole" idea. It scares me to see it, because I really like the more caring society (in general and in almost every way) that you guys have over here. So, I'm always encouraged when I read something that indicates the powers that be are aware of the trend and bothered enough by it to enact policies to try to buck it. That's more can be said for most American citizens. For the most part we just ignored, ignored, ignored and consumed and consumed until it was utterly and ridiculously obvious that it had to stop. And now all of a sudden, we realize we're sick. What a joke.

Okay-Rebecca it is. Becks is the captain of England's football team as well as a beer.

Consumerism is associated with self-esteem boosting.I hate it for all the usual reasons but also because it's much too much like hard work.Veblen once referred to it as the "Night shift".I think consumers,and I know a few,seek the flattery the salespersons lard them with and they do seem to like the invidious comparison idea as well.It does keep the wheels of industry turning though and the stock exchange bouyant. As far as I'm concerned they can get somebody else to turn them.I'd want two grande wages before I'd even consider a foreign holiday.Packing a suitcase is a nightmare.I did it once.Never again.

And what boring people they are.They come back off their hols and gush about what a wonderful time they've had (code for them being a good judge) and you just know they are telling lies.It was bound to have been two weeks of wall to wall shite whilst having their pockets picked and being f***ed uphill and down dale from beginning to end with ,of course,yes-sir-no-sir phonies spitting in the soup.And totally powerless 24/7 with the risk of HM Customs wanting to have a look up their tailpipes or a root through that horrible mess I gather returning suitcases contain.

Barmy.

Now there's the old irreverent, cantakerous Spendi I remember. But why'd you have to bring up the thing about spitting in the soup? Now I'm gonna be freaked out at every meal, except that I'm always nice to waiters and waitresses because I know what a hard job it is. It's the only job I ever got fired from because I was such a bad waitress - so I'll just have to believe that they'll be spitting in someone elses soup and not in mine. Traveling is exhausting, but ultimately worth it if you do it the right way. You just have to go to the right place at the right time and choose the right activity with the right people - then it can be awesome.

I agree with Veblen about the "night shift" thing, because if you think of it logically, everything you buy or consume represents a certain amount of time that must be spent working to "earn" it. Most people just put it on plastic and figure they'll die before they ever get it paid off so they just pass their debt on and on and on. The sad thing is they don't realize that in reality they're just creating more stress and unhappiness in their lives by having that debt hanging over their heads, and their quest for happiness ends up netting them more and more unhappiness. So many people in the US have everything they could possibly want except the one thing they really need to be able to enjoy life. I feel lucky to have escaped to tell you the truth.

I don't know that I buy into the whole flattery from the sales people idea though. I think it's more about trying to buy "things" to fill voids in an individual's daily existence. And it's an easy trap to fall into- much easier in the US than in other places I think. Everything is just so available and tempting, right there at your finger tips. I have to say that it's been easier for me not to consume here where everything takes just that much more effort to obtain. It would be interesting to see how people from other countries would adjust in the US - by that I mean- if material goods were so easily and readily available, as they are in the US, would they resist- or would they fall into the pattern of competitive consumption? Maybe it's just human nature, and Americans just happen to live in the land of plenty where it's takes place more naturally, almost inevitabley, so everyone thinks it's an inborn trait of Americans. I really don't know... what do you think?


PS - Glad you picked Rebecca. I was all ready for you to be passive-aggressive and continue calling me Becky. I had a teacher who did that once. When I complained to him, he told me it was because he had sized me up and knew I could take it. I told him, "I can take it, but I'd rather not." Once we understood each other, we got along famously.

You must understand Rebecca that my expression "spitting in the soup" was a bit of a euphemism.There are other matters given the appropriate motivations.

When one considers the wages paid to waiters and waitresses and to menial staff in preparation facilities in contrast to the obvious and flaunted wealth of the patrons I think the envy generated is often sufficient to provide the motivation and particularly with patrons who present certain "problems".

Further to that,the recruitment of such backroom staff at the prices patrons are willing to pay is often,though obviously not in your case,drawn from a section of the population not noted for its high moral standards and is rather something in the way of a repository of general disgruntlement which the conditions in the workplace are likely to exacerbate.And only one such person is sufficient for the matters in question in any one establishment.

These considerations,besides the ridiculous prices,have lead me to conclude that eating out is not for me.

I also find, from a purely aesthetic viewpoint,that the sight of my fellow man engaged in the initial action of the digestive process,the mastication and Adam's apple wobblings,calls too readily to mind
the whole of that process and causes me to think less highly of the intellectualty of my companions than I ought within the confines of such refined and tasteful surroundings as are usually provided.

But hey,as you might say,it's a free country isn't it?
I have no objection to others eating out if they so wish.Once again it provides jobs.

I'm afraid that travelling does involve inconvenience to others and thus should in my opinion be restricted to journeys of necessity.

What Veblen meant by "night shift" was the sheer grinding horsework of the consumption itself rather than the work needing doing to pay for it which some of us have no need worry about.

One of the ironic aspects of the stress caused by the debt is that more consumption is required to push it out of mind which,of course,is a vicous spiral in a downward direction.

I think you will find that flattering the customer is a key strategy of experienced salespersons as it is with mugs in the presence of a con-man.Such people are highly skilled in spotting the psychological soft points in a potential customer.

The buying of things to "fill the void" is what gets the customer to the sales point.The flattery is what gets them to make the purchase in that particular emporium.

But it wouldn't make any difference to me how available or how cheap all the junk is.I don't want it for nothing."A book of verse,a flask of wine and thou beside me singing in the wilderness and lo!the wilderness is paradise enow."(I think that's about right.)

I would imagine that plenty of Americans would take the same view but media will pretend they don't exist for obvious reasons.Media presents a "normality" which suits it.

My dear Emily languoressly dangling her hand in a pool and watching the fishes swim between her fingers and listening to the birds sing up on the moors of a summer afternoon with nothing to do
would have no more thought of going to Paris or New York or anywhere at all than of placing her head in a turnip grinding machine.

I think that is an inborn trait and if it has been skewed and distorted by those who have an interest in doing so by appealing to certain base vices so much the worse for them.

You've obviously thought a lot about this Spendius. I have to disagree though as to the assumption that those who waiter and waitress probably come from a background in which good morals and behavior are lacking- I just don't buy that, mostly because my own experience has taught me differently. I've known too many really good people who work along those lines (being a teacher, I've worked with a lot of people who waitress as a second job or in the summer to make ends meet) and they would no sooner foul someone's food as I would. My own sister waitressed at night until she finished nursing school at the age of 40 and my son is a waiter right now. You might want to rethink exactly how common such an occurence is. You may have heard a few people say they've done it, or seen it featured in a movie or something, but I just don't buy that it's an everyday occurrence and a reason not to eat out.

Now, the price of a meal (especially in the UK where everything costs approximately twice as much as in the US) is a good reason not to eat out very often. I grant you that. That's why I don't eat out very often either.

Contrary to some picture you seem to have of me, money is not something that just floats around in an endless stream in my house. I've worked at one job or another since I was 12 years old and I'm still working. As a matter of fact, I just got home from work, and for the last four months, I've worked two jobs to save up the money I needed to make this trip to take my kids home to see their grandparents, who happen to live on different ends of the east coast from each other. Coincidentally, my second job was in a shop down the street from the school I'm tutoring in where I was a sales person - but I never had to flatter anyone to get them to buy anything. I worked in a sweet shop for quite a menial wage (5 pounds and 25 p per hour) but it was a lot of fun. I learned how to work the till, everyone was in a happy mood coming in for their pineapple rock, strawberry bon-bons or army and navy, etc., and I made a lot of friends of all ages- from toddlers with their mothers to pensioners who came in for their daily newspapers or just to talk. I'll probably do it over the summer while school is out just because I enjoyed it so much.

But I'm like you - the simpler my life, the better. Possessions just weigh a person down - although I do have to admit I appreciate and admire beautiful things. I just don't have to own them- in fact I've pretty much discovered that I'd rather not own them. I don't own a house right now for the first time in almost twenty years - and I've never felt so free. It's a great feeling for me, but I understand that's because I am somewhat of a gypsy- it might be difficult for someone else who craved security and to be in one place. I'm just the type of person who does want to visit and experience the places I read about. I guess we're different in that way, and I agree it is an inborn trait. Some people like to roam and other's just want to stay home. It takes all kinds...

And, yes there are a lot of Americans who are not represented in the media's portrayal of the average or typical American. But I do have to admit that my view from my experience is that the average middle class American is caught up in a cycle of debt and consumerism. I know I was. That's why I am so glad I've had this opportunity to come to England and that I've had the opportunity to work here and really experience and get to know the people in that way - it's made the experience so much richer.

Finally, I agree, wealth is very unevenly and unfairly distributed. Do you think there's anything that will ever be done to alleviate that problem? I'm asking you seriously, because I can see you've read and thought about it a lot and I'm interested in hearing what you think.

That is a very large question.It is being worked on by serried ranks of officials in every democratic country.I'm sure I didn't say that wealth was unfairly distributed.

There's some complex issues involved.

Suppose for example that the poorest 40% were raised up to the level of the 40% above them.

You would get runaway inflation.You would get another 10 million cars on the road and at night parked in narrow streets.You would have to have industry going flat out 24/7.Imports would soar.Balance of payments in crisis.Pound going down.Political uproar.Pollution out of control etc etc.

If somebody has £100 million giving him another £100 million has no effect on those.All he can do is bank it and the bank lend it to investors.

I'm oversimplifying.It's a juggling act but the direction is clear.Poverty has been greatly reduced.Try to go too fast and everybody might be in poverty.

There's also the moral difficulty of poor countries.Any moral argument for redistributing wealth applies to those as it would be racist not to.

I'll go put Spanish Harlem Incident on the tape.

This is the statement I was alluding to when I referred to wealth being unevenly and unfairly distributed. The obvious discrepancy between two groups of people who both work, maybe even equally as hard as each other, but are rewarded in such differing ways for their efforts represents to me an uneven and unfair distribution of wealth.

I understand your points about shifting funds around and the problems that would be incurred by doing that. I found that interesting and have to admit that I never really thought of that side of it- I mean the actual economic shifts that would have to be made.

I always think about it more from the sociological viewpoint of the differing monetary value we place on work people do and the skills that they offer a society. An obvious example - David Beckham, while very skilled in providing entertainment for millions and making money for a few, in my opinion is not providing a service on par provided by paramedics, firefighters and policemen - who make a pittance in comparison.

I think attitudes need to change, as well as economic strategies. Do you think enough people will ever care enough so that they will?

No I don't.

No in an noticeable way I mean.Very gradually maybe.

The difficulty with paying David Beckham the same wages as the other occupational groups is that the spectacle of big-time football would be diminished.
He wouldn't train as hard as he does or practice his techniques as much.

We are where we are and moving in the right direction at a pace which keeps risk of meltdown low.It is really impossible to discuss such a complex topic.Neither of us have the expertise nor the space.

It is a gain for you to have written this-



As one pound has equal value with any other pound the rewards people get are the valuation society places on what they contribute.Prostitutes or nurses,footballers or paramedics.Anything which distorts that is corruption but we might need that as well.

I'm not sure a totally law abiding society could even function.I'm inclined to think it couldn't.

Another thing about the poor.They can be used to stimulate the economy very rapidly because as soon as they get money they spend it.A £2 rise in the pension and welfare benefits is translated into demand straight away.Rich people getting a £10,000 reduction in their tax bills has a different effect.If demand is increased the production systems have to be able to deal with it or their are shortages and price rises.

I wouldn't bother your head about it Rebecca.It will drive you nuts.Lie back and enjoy it.It's better than a cave with a hungry bear prowling around.As human life goes over the 2 million years of its history you have hit the jackpot.

I agree with your last statement. I do feel I have hit the jackpot. I think that's what contributes to the notion people have that I am boastful (mathos told me that once). But I think it's because I have a nature that sees the glass as half full instead of half empty, so I tend to focus on my happinesses instead of my problems - in fact I know I do. But it's self-preservation more than anything else. It's the only way I can get through life without wailing and gnashing my teeth at all the pain and injustice I see. Because I do have a melancholy side to my nature, but as my grandmother used to sing, and I can still hear her voice to this day - it's best to "keep on the sunny side." I try to remember that.

Well, I've got a big day ahead of me. So this will probably have to be it for a while. It's been an interesting week. Not as much fun talking to you as I remembered - just being honest here. You're a sly old dog, Spendius. Where did that prostitute pop up from in your last post - and what am I supposed to "lie back and enjoy?" Those wouldn't be snide remarks now, would they? Well, no matter - the fact is that I'm not one to lie back and enjoy anything - I'm pretty much always an active participater type of person. You can take that anyway you please.

I do think you're still angry with me. I don't know....I can just feel it. I wish that wasn't the case. I wish things could have been different. But I don't know what I can do to change anything now.

You know, whatever issues I had in my marriage, the fact remains I was married to a very wise man. When I told him about all the misunderstandings and negativity I felt my writing was causing on this forum, he said, never even having seen the forum,
"Rebecca, you can't be responsible for how people choose to interpret what you write because every person who reads it will have their own unique interpretation and you can't claim responsibility for each and every one of those. You can only be responsible for what you know was in your heart when you wrote whatever you wrote."
And though sometimes I read things over and I can hear how one could take something as being full of guile and double entendres and all of the rest of it that is so common on this forum - I really don't have the time or inclination to sit down and think those things through when I write what I write. I really do write straight from my heart. I think people interject what they expect to find. I know I do that when I read things you write. It's a sad and bad habit to fall into, and I've tried very hard to fight that tendency when I read what anyone else writes.
.
Because the truth of the matter is, whatever else may have been attributed to me, I've only made one post on this forum with deceit and bitterness in my heart and that was to you - and I've apologized for that. I don't know what else I can do to make it better. And truthfully, if there was something I thought I could do, I would do it because this forum has helped me. It got me to start writing again. Carlotta was so encouraging to me, as was Edgar's voice every once in a while and Endy's praise of my photographs. All of those factors have encouraged me to pursue something I was always too busy or afraid of rejection to pursue, and I'm starting to see rewards from it.

But finally, and maybe most importantly Spendius it was you who taught me how to deal with rejection. I'd never really experienced it before. I was always pretty sheltered in terms of any snideness and ugliness being directed at me - but you're the one who encouraged me to ignore it. There's a lot of peace to be found in only taking on what you choose to take on. I always thought I had to take on everything. Now I know I don't, as well as the fact that rejection won't kill me and really can't even hurt me unless I allow it to. I'm able to risk much more now than I was, and that's what it has taken to realize some of the dreams I've always had but was afraid to pursue.

All joking aside, (and none of this was meant sarcastically, though I know some will choose to read it so) you're a really smart guy in a lot of ways. I hope you realize how much I appreciate that. I'll talk to you later.

Rebecca-

I agree entirely with your 1st para.It's odd that humility and gratitude are taken for boastfulness by the whingers and whiners.That's exactly what I find.You expressed really well.



I though the cattle drive was fun.It was you who took it for more than it was.

Anyway-this format is different from Trivia where arrows are shot.As one learns more about a ladies' sensibilities the pattern on the radar screen comes more into focus.One might cease goading and begin teasing.Searching for a worthy opponent in the battle of the sexes.A proper representitive of the enemy for a change.Real fun.



Why not?I've seen that and it went down very well.



Participation isn't exclusively in action.I can stand like a statue in front of a Rembrandt and I'm participating.



Don't be so daft.
Maybe you like the idea of someone being angry with you.Well-It Ain't Me Babe.



I look for the guile and hidden meanings in stuff I read.Such things add up into a pattern after a while and if that pattern is pleasing I become interested in the writer.It shows a foundation in the writing.
The heart naive structures are often confused because they depend on the moods at the time of writing which can often vary. So I think that is a "sad and bad habit" to fall out of.
Perhaps you are right regarding small talk but you are wrong when that stage is past.



I remember laughing my socks off at it.Apologies are not required.The idea that I would think you are a bloke was too funny for words. You're more like an innocent sweetie-pie peeking out into the street and wondering whether to join the dangerous but magnetic wildies in the seething streams of modern life.

You're so funny- and you get me - that's why I like you. I want to be sweet, I really do, so I'm glad you see me that way. Did you really laugh when I tried to pretend I was a "bloke"? I think I fooled myself and convinced myself that I had pulled it off pretty well - but yeah - I'm pretty much one of those females who is female through and through- except when it comes to things like music, conversation and friendships and then for some reason, I always just seem to relate better to males. I don't know why. But it's always been that way.

I had a good vacation. Not bragging - just reporting. Think of me as kind of like a journalist- just recounting and describing events. Isn't that what this space is for- a space where people can indulge themselves and express whatever the hell they want to express but don't take the time to because they feel stifled or prohibited in some way from communicating such things in real time or in real life? Or maybe that's just what I use it for. I guess everyone has their own particular need to fill. Whatever else may be true, I just know it fills a need in me. It's fulfilling and freeing to just be able to express what one feels like expressing.

Anyway, I won't go into any boring detail about my holiday. Just suffice it to say that I loved Florida (went through the Everglades for the first time, had perfect sunny weather and enjoyed the sea and sand). I was surprised by how much I was impressed by the Everglades. I never really thought about it much before. That kind of swampy scenery never really appealed to me- I was mainly thinking of it as an educational outing for the kids - but I ended up finding it beautiful and loving it. It's a fascinating ecosystem. Maybe I'll do a little photo essay so you can see all the animals and trees I saw - absolutely amazing. I also discovered a photographer named Clyde Butcher. His work is absolutely amazing. Maybe I'll post some of his stuff. He really captures the sense of the boundless space of sea and sky that particular landscape offers. He also seems like a pretty interesting guy. And the flight was uneventful and not even particularly scary at all- that in itself was a major blessing. But I have to say, I was happy to come home, and happy to realize that I really feel that this has become my home. I loved visiting where I was, but I didn't feel that I wanted to live there anymore. It's a good feeling to want to be where you have to be for one reason or another, and three weeks is a long time to be away from someplace you love being.

Hope you are well and have enjoyed watching spring come to Yorkshire over these past few weeks. It was so nice to return to Somerset and see all the trees and flowers in bloom. When I left only the snowdrops, daffodils and crocuses were out. Now Spring is truly here. I'm looking forward to the warm evenings and the twilight that lasts longer and longer, day by day, until the middle of June when it's still light outside at 10:00 in the evening. Late Spring and early summer in England have become my favorite combination of season and place-only September in Maine can compare.

You're probably saying to yourself, "blah, blah, blah - why is she rabbiting on to me about all this?" I don't know why I just wrote all this- I just read what you wrote back in March (your last post which was really nice) and even though you're probably not even still around these parts to read this, it was fun to write it, kind of like those essays our grade school teachers used to assign:"Write a five paragraph essay describing where you went and what you did over your summer vacation". And who knows - maybe you'll even read it. Whether or not you do - I hope you have a good evening.

Rebecca-

I'm sorry.I missed your return.

I'm glad you had a good time and that you write about it so well.

Somerset is generally a gorgeous place in summer. It has a timelessness about it in some places. I used to go to dances in Swindon when I was in the military and the journey was a delight. That whole west Midlands in the rural areas is magical.
Have you read Rural Rides.

BTW-I'm not from Yorkshire. That's an invention of Mathos. I did once make a pilgrimage to Haworth though and if you get up on the moors there there's that timelessness again.

I would guess that it isn't so much you relating better to males but more them relating better to you. Feminine personalities are very attractive to men of discernment and good taste and that is enhanced by there being so few left. Why are women at such pains to reject their natural fragility when it is such a strength?

Not from Yorkshire, huh? Where are you from then (if I may be so bold as to ask).

Yes, timeless, that's a good description of Somerset and its scenery. There are so many places you can go where you just feel that you have traveled back in time, to an easier and more simple place. And it's so much easier to escape noise here (especially road and traffic noise) than I found it to be in the US. That's one thing that I had forgotten about. All the aural and visual stimulation that is such an integral part of life there. I don't wonder why there's a never ending supply of kids with ADHD for me to work with. I never considered myself to be a particularly distractable person, but even I felt unable to filter the constant barrage of noise out.

As to your last question, I think we all (women and men alike) have been programmed to view fragility and sensitivity as weakness. And none of us like to admit we are weak. I myself don't view it as such. I think it's just another aspect of the human condition, and in fact, I think those who are able to admit their fragility (or even weaknesses) are probably stronger for it in the long run.

PS - Thanks for the travel tips. Yorkshire is one place I haven't been but am eager to see. I want to view the whole Bronte scene- as a teen-ager and even into adulthood, I loved the Bronte sisters and the world they inhabited and would love to see it. I've also been told York is an amazing city. Maybe I'll take a week-end trip this summer.

If you want the authentic Haworth,or as near as can be got at,you should go midweek in bad winter weather.

Weekends in summer are very touristy with the usual distasteful sights milling around clicking their cameras.

Duly noted. But is it as cold and frosty as I imagine it being up there at that time? I'd really rather avoid as much bad weather as I possibly can.

For an authentic feel of Wuthering Heights those moors should be experienced in all weathers and at different times of the day.

LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

Love is like the wild rose-briar,
Friendship like the holly-tree --
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms
But which will bloom most contantly?

The wild-rose briar is sweet in the spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again
And who wil call the wild-briar fair?

Then scorn the silly rose-wreath now
And deck thee with the holly's sheen,
That when December blights thy brow
He may still leave thy garland green.

EMILY BRONTE (1818-1848)

How beautiful. Thank you for posting that.

Yes it is isn't it?

It's sublime actually.

Speaking of sublime, you know who's sublime, don't you? Emily Bronte. I can't believe that she was only thirty when she died. I hadn't realized that. I read everything the Bronte's wrote (even Bramwell's weird little novel- I can't remember the name of it right now). But I've never read a biography of any of them. I'll have to do that.