Kate Hudson makes a strange statement

*sits back in stunned silence....*

Wow, Maybe D.H. And I really ARE something special. He always said we were.. but I never realized...

Hmmm...

What do you mean, Gen? In that you never have thought of exes, or no pre-nup, or...?

Reply to Cav
Cav, I certainly believe in making allowances of individual experience, and certainly whatever works is good. So, good for you and Sofia. You both found a way to make things work.

Hazlett-- Different strokes.

A volatile person would be the initiator of violence-- a person, who protects herself is avoiding victimization.

As to your remark about being a poor judge of character-- even at 18, when I had this conversation, I knew things look far differently on the moonlit night, gazing at an engagement ring than they may ten years later. Anyone, who thinks they know everything their 'intended' is capable of before living together for a few years is naive.

Since living together was not a possibility for me, I chose to 'clear the air' before deciding to marry him.

I've been very satisfied with my choices. Hope you are with yours, as well.

Good for you Sophia.

Let it put it this way...

I never dated anyone but my husband.

I had never been with any one other than my husband.

I can't begin to say the hell he stayed with me though, when he didn't have to.

I don't have "ex's" though he does. He has always told me (him being 7 years my senior) how hard it was for him to find someone whom has some of the qualities I do, in the quantity that I do.

Unfortunately, not having anything to compair him to, has led me to under appriciate him. Something this man doesn't deserve in the least.

My surprise was, that I never really thought that those kinds of things are so prevelant in our society. Its so saddening to me how It seems I have found something, that I thought everyone has had at least once in their life. The realization of how people havn't had that, and then they desire what I have and they become angery, bitter and jelouse of what my little family has, has never really hit home. Either that, or I just never thought about it.

I've been married for 7 years, we have been together for 8.

"Familiarity breeds contempt"?

"Be thou familiar but by no means vulgar"?

Hmmm - I tend to agree with Roger's observation.

I was always very anti-marriage - but, working in the hospitality industry from 15 to 26 made up my mind! You could so often tell the married people because they did not speak to each other over meals, or because the man did not treat the woman with any respect or consideration.

I think it is changing though, you know. I think people work harder at it. A lot of my work colleagues and friends have very happy marriages, and treat each other wonderfully.

Thing is - for many women who end up in abusive relationships, the abuse is not all that new - their nurture at home was less than optimal, or they were actually abused in some way by parents. Therefore, the signs that stick out like flashing sirens to people with better personal boundaries (I can usually tell within five minutes - often way less - if a client's relationship is abusive or if a person is likely to be violent or abusive) are simply familiar, or even ostensibly loving, behaviours.

Mind you, some people become stunningly adept with their "radar" if they have suffered abuse.

You can never tell with folks.

Other times, the induction into an abusive relationship is so gradual, that people do not see it happening, and are worn down and disorientated before any actual physical violence begins - or it begins with the birth of the first child, when vulnerabilities are extreme.

We took a curious turn with this thread.
Because of the statement that Kate Hudson made, do you think that she's being abused by her husband?

eoe, I don't think she is abused, although she is living with a recovering addict, just thought the words she chose indicated a victim-like logic.

I also wonder if the statement was accurate - was this in print or on video?

Good question Heeven, I heard it on radio news as a second-hand quote...

it is hard to tell anything from statements like the one kate hudson made, it could have been a joke. but if it wasn't living with a drug addict is totally straining on your own head than on the addicts. it's like living in a war zone because who knows if because they can't get drugs one day they will take it out on you??
my opinion. this comes from a quote from my grammy "get rid of the bum, cross him off the list"
i grew up in a pretty F**ked up situation and all i can say is if mom got out sooner she wouldn't be disabled today because one of her boyfriends beat the hell out of her.

men (or spouses or women) who beat on their partners need to be rounded up and put in a room with each other so they can duke it out with people who have the same anger problems. some things in this world would be a lot better if people like that didn't exist

so to make a long story short. living with a druggie is emotional abuse, sometimes emotional abuse is just as abd if not worse than physical abuse at least bruses fade. psychological damage stays forever.



sorry that was kind of deep
that is what happens when i feel strongly about something.

Everyone ... this is VERY important. Guys, you may think you are doing this ... but really make sure you are doing this. I can't say I disrespected my wife, but I can see how I took her for granted. Your wives deserve your consideration, respect and affection. I may have learned this too late for my marriage.

but remember it for yours.