Have You Ever Been Celibate?

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Most people, and that includes both men and women, are not used to being alone, wouldn't you agree? It was no different for me; I used to be the same way. However, because of having gone through an era of very painful challenges, I desperately needed to make a change. So I decided to back up, regroup, and do a lot of inner healing. As a result, I resolved to be on my own, unattached, on purpose. That meant saying "no" to dates.

It's funny how time goes by the way it does. As I forced myself to focus on other things, before I knew it, one year turned into another, and another, until one day 12 years had passed. Believe me, much physical self-control has gone into the endeavor.

It was only in the latter part of 2005 that I felt ready and brave enough to test the new waters, again, so to speak. But since I had obviously reverted back to being a "novice" in the game, I promptly ended up being stung by a Jellyfish before the gates even opened for the swimming race. Well, after that quick but non-experience, is when I decided to come to A2K in January of 2006, to explore a new way of making a wider variety friends.

What are your experiences with this? Am I the only one, here, living like a real nun (or priest)? Maybe that should have been my avatar. :wink:

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Who ever told you life is not full of heartbreak and tears? I've always had the philosophy that the best revenge for a bad relationship was to go out and find a better one and try again (and again). I've had bouts of drought, but 12 years is a heck of a long time.

I don't think anyone loves the dating life and most of us prefer to be in a loving, healthy relationship. Of course, it is much better to be alone than in rotten relationship. However, it's never to late to start again. My mother is in her early 70's, she was married to the wrong man for 40 years and finally dumped him. She is now in a involved with a wondeful man and having the time and love of her life. I don't think we should set age limits on when we can fall in love and be happy. I know dating can be torture, but it's how we meet new people and get to know them. If you continue to pick the wrong person you have to look at yourself and discover why you are attracted to those that do you wrong. There are plenty of good guys in the world, you just have to decide you deserve one.

Now dust yourself off and get back on that horse.

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Have You Ever Been Celibate?
Green Witch, I've alread hit the 50-ish number, although I certainly don't feel like it. I feel more like 34, actually. To some I'm old, to others, maybe not, but it all depends on what kind of shape you're in. I'd say I'm doing much better in that department, now, compared to before.

To me, age means nothing. It all depends on how you are, individually. There are some people who seem much older than their actual age. I try to keep myself young.

It isn't that I haven't had any opportunity, GW. I've just not accepted. But now, let me tell you, I'm almost at my true self, again. Your words mean a lot. Thank you.

Actually, I've had good luck with men, on the whole. Most of them have been great guys. But not the right ones. I've been divorced since 1987, been engaged twice, but was in no rush to marry. On the other hand, the last one was extremely abusive, and it was right after I'd lost my mother and my fiance at the same time, just a few days apart. Then other things too, that I won't go into, here. Suffice it to say, very negative people doing what they do best.

So I didn't have a "pattern" of anything. In fact, my pattern was not having a pattern of particular partners... a good variety, you could say. Smile

At any rate, inwardly, I am so very careful/cautious? Just because I flirt, it doesn't mean I'm actually doing anything, physically. I'll keep it in mind...

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Are you saying you want to remain celibate? I think a person can be perfectly happy in that state as long as they still have a sense of community, purpose and love. Even if you are having sex, those factors are crucial to our happiness. Many religious people are content in their celibacy if they are completed in other ways. They have it all but the sex. Is that what you want? If so, I don't think a cyber community is enough to bring contentment- you will still have to be with live people (not sexually) to feel whole. Am I understanding the question?

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Have You Ever Been Celibate?
No, Green Witch, I don't wish to remain without, anymore. I've come to terms with past issues, and I am well-adjusted. Those things just had to be settled first, and it took a long time to do it.

But things have a way of working out, on their own.

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I havnt even been kissed for 3 years so you can guess what else i havnt done.

I dont have any luck with men,I dont have opportunities to meet people.

Luckily my body has switched off to anything saucy, so restraint is necessary, but in my mind I do recall it to be a very nice way to spend time.
Its not the physicality of it but the added association of knowing that someone likes me/finds me attractive/wants to spend time with me.
Knowing that nobody wants to do that with me makes me feel the most unnatractive person in the world which leads to me looking depressed which really doesnt help when trying to look attractive.

Maybe I am attractive, I dont know, I havnt met anyone knew for years so I dont know how guys see me.

Im not celibate by any means, I just dont know where to go to find somebody decent enough to get together with.

Poetseductress, you dont sound celibate to me, just you get on with other things and maybe find a mate, but until then you just get on with life, like im doing.

Id like to have a boyfriend just so I can work out if its that that Im missing in life.
All my friends have partners(except one who split up with her beau just before Christmas)they are happy and are having a fulfilled life.

I feel like an empty, ugly husk, not even a women.

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Meant to read

material girl wrote:

Luckily my body has switched off to anything saucy, so restraint ISNT necessary.

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Material Girl - I don't want to hijack PS's thread, but your last line is very telling. I think you need to take control of the situation. Don't they have a Match.com in the UK? Join and at least start dating, anything in the way of action is better than nothing.

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Have You Ever Been Celibate?
It was by CHOICE, material girl. Believe me, I did not have a problem with getting men, or find good ones. It's just when I lost my mother and my fiance at the same time, certain other people ascended like viscious vultures (like relatives will do when someone passes). Afterward was when I linked up with the mean fellow who abused me.

So you see, I just needed a vacation to gather myself back, again. But it just took a very long time to heal, that's all. Now I'm healed. And I am so very much ready to really live fully, again.

As for yourself, girl, you need to see yourself as you would like to be, then you will naturally unfold into it, with just a little extra work and imagination. Educate yourself! If you don't like yourself as you are, you can change... enhance... develop... evolve... and bring forth the beautiful best that's within you.

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Good for you PS, sorry all that happened to you.It took a long time but now I hope you have the life you want.

GW,a friend (who met his gf at work)suggested a dating site but I want the thrill of the chase, meeting someone in an unexpected place.
Not ,man sits+woman sits+chat in artificial environment=work out if they fancy each other.
Its kind of mechanical.

Guess im just picky and only Im to blame.

PS, do you have ways of meeting people?